Passion City

There Is No Such Thing as Good or Bad

2006-05-04T09:14:00.000+12:00

This morning while walking to work, I was reflecting on the many precious lessons that I’ve learnt in life. One particular lesson has become so valuable which has somewhat become a life philosophy to me which is: Never let a misfortune defeat you and never get carried away or boastful when good things happen; Never ever judge, cause all the events happen in life are relative and there is nothing inherently bad or good. Things change and evolve and we give the same event different meaning at different stages in life. I've learnt that if we can keep a neutral/balanced view towards anything and everything, we can keep our negative emotions and destructive behaviours at bay, and be much happier.

While pondering on this subject, two memories came to me one happened long time ago while the other occurred fairly recently. In both accounts, 'bad' things in life have turned out to be perfect at a later time.

Eleven years ago I met a guy who I fell madly in love with almost instantly. We shared many common traits and hobbies such as fitness building, outdoors and HI-FIs. Although he was kind of ‘bad boy’ type, he had a well balanced domestic side: he had great passion for cooking, which was rare to find in a bachelor if you know what I mean. It took just a few days before we developed into a physically intense and chemically soul shaking ‘perfect match’. The days and weeks when we made love all night long still feel like yesterday. Those memories are not easily wiped out and probably will never be forgotten.

About four months later I found out that I was not the ‘only one’. As you can imagine I was so devastated. My whole world collapsed. The weeks following our break-up were the darkest time in my entire life and they still are. I was in love that much and according to the law of force and counter force, I was hurt that much!

Was my loss of love really that bad? Not at all! Only three months later I met a gorgeous guy who had everything a woman wants: tall, talented, charismatic …. and above all, he has such a kind heart! This guy later became my husband. Next month we will have been happily married for ten years! He is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. If I had not broken up with the boyfriend, how could this beautiful life I am living now possible?

Another event happened in last October when I applied for a job which I had longed for as a career step-up in this company. Prior to this I had been semi-promised to get this position. For months I had been excited about it. However, I didn’t get it for reasons beyond my control. As a result I was very disappointed. But I knew at the time that it happened for a perfect reason. I trusted that it was for the best interest of me even though the outcome was against my will at the time.

Now things are slowing revealing: although that job at the time seemed perfect – the services involved in that department had been the primary focus to the company and huge budget was spent on TV campaigns. Yet in less than six months a lot of things have happened: Firstly, the company decided to promote other services as the service I was once so keen to get involved became no longer profitable; Secondly although it’s still a popular and important portfolio for the company, staff in that department seem to have lost heart somewhat - six out of a team of twelve have left including the General Manager, Senior Relationship Manager and three sales (out of four). To date none has been replaced. The whole team is now in limbo. The staff left in the team are now doing two or three people’s job.

Thinking back I was so 'fortunate' not being offered the job. It was a job requiring a lot of travel on the road visiting clients from all over Auckland or seeing clients at our different branches. Do you know how bad the traffic is in Auckland and how wide-spread the city is? Given my current circumstances (expecting a baby) it is clear that that job once I thought would be a 'perfect' would have been a nightmare of a job! I can’t help but draw back to the time when I was declined the job opportunity. The following is what I wrote in a journal on 2 November 2005:

I am a little disappointed with how things have turned out, given so much excitement, anticipation and expectation have been built up over the last few months. This dream job was that close and I could almost smell it! However, I know that I can’t control the circumstances in life and I certainly can’t control the outcome. I believe, however, that: Whatever happens, it happens perfectly! Regardless of my temporary emotions. I have no doubt that better things are ahead waiting for me. I just need to be patient!

A few weeks earlier I was offered a job in the company which will involve me in the now most profitable service which is also going strong at the moment. The job comes with stability and no travel is required, which suits me just perfect.

What in life has not turned out to be perfect?

None. I'd say!

I am so grateful!

2006-05-02T08:53:00.000+12:00

Recently I have had a pay dispute with my employer. Although it was a ‘dispute’ it was raised and handled quite amicably. Basically when I left Wellington last year I resigned from my job in this organisation. At the same time an opportunity arose in our Auckland Operations as such I was able to negotiate a 12-month contract job with them. At the time I negotiated my contract, I got a significant pay rise on the grounds that 1) I seemed to be the perfect person to fill in a role which at the time was quite crucial 2) it was a term contract as such it usually pays more than a permanent role due to impermanence.

This happened in May and I started my new role in June. At the time the work union was in the process of a negotiation with the organisation for a pay rise. After months of negotiation, in October an agreement was finally reached and the organisation offered each permanent employee (as of 30 June 2005) a pay adjustment based on the number of years served and each individual’s pay scale.

As you can imagine, I missed out on this pay adjustments= as I had resigned as a permanent employee as of 30 June thus relinquished my entitlements as a permanent employee . However, considering I have not left the origination during this period and my contribution in my contract role made a significant difference, I somehow believed it’s worth lodging a dispute in that I, too, deserve a pay adjustment as if I were a permanent employee. After all, I had worked for the company for over six years continuously. During these years I have been treated well so when I lodged this dispute I felt very positive despite my awareness that I had no legal backup.

Five weeks passed and nothing seemed happened. I started to think that perhaps I had no case. If they told me to stop dreaming I was prepared to forget about this matter. After all, I am not a Union member and have never involved in the months-long negotiation.

However when I walked in yesterday a letter was left on my desk marked ‘confidential’. When I opened it, I was ecstatic to find out that I was offered a settlement!! As a result, I was compensated the equivalent amount of money as if I was a permanent employee!

I have always trusted my employer and have maintained a good relationship with my employer. I love my job and I enjoy the people here. That may explain why after six years I am still here now rolling into my 3rd role! In this incident, I realised again that when you send out positive energy out to the world and have nothing but faith, trust and kindness, you are mostly likely to receive the same back!

Oh I am so grateful!

What Is There In Life?

2006-04-29T15:11:00.000+12:00

Recently hubby and I visited his eighty-eight year old grandmother at her rest home. She was physically frail yet mentally alert. We were worried if she could live up to see the birth of her great grandchild. She said to us: ‘Don’t worry! I’ll be there!’ Nana has always been a spiritual person and I have no doubt that her soul will be with us even after she is not physically here.

I promised my nephew when he was about five years old that I would buy him a computer. He had since been looking forward to the day when he got his first computer. Two years ago I bought him a computer as promised as I felt he was old and mature enough (eleven years old) to use it to his advantage. However, the report from my parents is that ever since he had the computer he's stopped visiting them (although my parents live just five minutes walk away) and his school work plummeted. Like many children, he's become addicted to computer games and lost intereset in a lot of other things. He's also grown into a 'fat kid'. From my parents's tone I felt that the computer has become an 'evil' and done a lot of damage to him and his aunty is the person caused it as if I should feel guilty. Do I? I thought about the issue and I know that with proper guidance a computer is a very necessary educational tool for a child these days, especially for a teenager. Whilst my parents and my brother may blame the computer that hindered my nephew's development, I know that a computer in itself is not a good or bad thing for a child. It's the lack of parental guidance and control that has made the computer a 'disaster' to my nephew. But they can't see it that way. As a result I donn’t regret buying this present for him nor do I feel guilty. Besides, who knows he won’t grow up into a normal adult or become a computer genius one day?

Recently, hubby quit his broking business. At the same time he came very close to a job which offered a six figure salary and frequent international travel in a niche financial market. Two weeks later he went ahead and chose to retire (perhaps not permanently but at least for a while) after much consideration and soul searching. There were a lot of tempting things in life that become difficult to resist but he felt his ‘inner calling’ which is to go independent and not working for others. With a baby on the way and more financial demands, it is not unusual for most couples to seek security and stability at this time. Together we've chosen this path as we both believe that although security is important, more important in this short life is to fulfil your dreams and to explore your inner self.

Why did I mention the three events which seemingly have nothing to do with each other? That’s exactly the point. In our daily life many things happen. On the surface they seem to be random occurences, yet they often trigger our emotions, prompt us to think or to make decisions which in turn lead to changes later on. They often become one of the many pieces of jigsaws in life that make us happy or unhappy, fortunate or unfortunate, successful or unsuccessful. What I want to say is: underneath these random occurrences, there lies a grand plan and the plan serves great purposes. There is nothing absolutely positive or negative yet every occurence is a learning opportunity for us. Therefore there is no need to fight, resist, judge or worry. Life is more than what we see, think or experience.

At some point in life, we start to ponder the meaning and purpose of life. We start to ask what else is there in life besides earning a living, looking for a partner, having sex, paying the bills and raising children. We start to wonder if there is any co-relationship between things at all, such as the above three recent occurences to me. For me the answer is obviously yes, as long as you believe reincarnation and the Law of Karma.

Once we begin to accept reincarnation and the Law of Karma, we become more honest, humble, humane, empathetic, loving, peaceful, intuitive and balanced. To achieve this I believe having a personal mission statement to clarify on how I treat myself, my family, other people and how I view this world is a very necessary step. Here is my statement (sorry it’s a bit long):

I am no longer afraid of death, since I know that I have almost definitely lived before and am likely to reincarnate on earth again after an in-between life in a less dense reality.

When someone close to me dies it is natural to be sad. But my sadness is much reduced knowing that he (or she) has not died but continues to live on another plane of existence. I know that he is likely to be with me often, even if I cannot see him. I also know that it was right for him to die at that time according to his fate, which was decided by a higher consciousness. I also know that I will see this person again after my death and/or in a following life on earth. Goodbyes for ever do not exist.

I am tolerant towards all people as long as they do not restrict my freedom and that of others. I tolerate any form of religious practices and other people’s opinions as long as they gives others the same right to express themselves freely. By continually developing from one life to the next, we humans broaden our awareness. I am never arrogant in my response towards other people’s way of thinking. I may have been that way in a previous life, and for that reason I never push my convictions onto others. Every human being reaches his time for broadening his consciousness when it is right for him. Besides, it is clear to me that it is most likely that I will often change, ie, broaden my outlook in my future lives.

I will never discriminate against other people no matter who they might be. I know that it is futile for me to discriminate against someone of the opposite sex since I most likely belonged to that sex at some time myself. I will not condemn someone with a different skin color or of a different nationality or race, since I could easily have been of this color or race at some point in time, or possibly will be in the future. If I discriminate against someone on the grounds of his affiliation I will then have to experience being part of that nation, ethnic group or race in order to broaden my understanding and love for them. I will never look down on other people because they are poor, disabled, unattractive or in some way different, since every person has chosen precisely their circumstances, looks, and their particular disposition in order to learn from it.

I will never envy others, be they richer, more powerful or more respected, cleverer, healthier or physically more beautiful, since they created this learning situation for themselves in their life. They can use these means at their disposal to learn whatever they can in order to grow spiritually. I could possibly have had the same means at my disposal in a previous life or will have in a future incarnation. It seems necessary for us to experience all learning possibilities in order to evolve spiritually.

If I have a child I will give him the chance to develop his talents as long as they are not destructive. I will not force my will on him or attempt to break his, since I know that this child’s past lives have played a major part in forming his present life. He will want to live out his learning programme in his life, which may be completely different to my own. This is why I will respect his individuality. Apart from all this I know that he has been an adult in a past life, possibly even one of my deceased relatives or friends. I would watch carefully whether he mentions anything about past lives. I will not forbid him these expressions or dismiss them as crazy talk. Perhaps this child has been my partner, mother, father or friend in a past life. I also know that it is possible that I could be reborn to my present child in a future life.

I know that I did not choose my partner by accident. I already knew her or him from an earlier life. We decided during our life after death to return to earth to continue learning from each other. Each partnership is a learning situation in the school of life. I wish to make the most of all situations from which I can learn something.

I am able to accept my parents just as they are, since I freely chose them before my birth. They provided me with precisely those conditions that I need to accomplish my specific tasks in this life.

I see people, events and tragic blows which come my way as important pointers, which enable me to learn exactly that which is of importance to me. I allow no envy to develop in me towards others, since they most likely have very different issues to deal with and different means at their disposal for dealing with them. This is why I calmly face my specific life conditions seeing them more as learning opportunities than anything else. I do not complain about them but ask myself what it is I could learn from each situation.

The earth is a school of learning. With each incarnation we learn to be more understanding, more tolerant and above all more loving. If after many incarnation we have become totally loving, then we are free to leave this earthly school having passed our examinations. We will then be allowed to move on to higher universities, where we are taught greater wisdom and deeper love.

I know that whenever I violate love I myself will one day be the one who is treated unlovingly. It is only through this that I learn to be more loving with my thoughts, words and deeds. Everything I do to hurt others will one day hurt me. The Law of Karma that govern this learning process are always just. Unfairness does not exist for me. This is why I don’t put blame onto other people or situations; instead I ask myself what it is I need to learn from a situation in order to balance things out from an earlier life. Nothing happens by chance.

I know that everything in life has a purpose. Nothing is senseless. Everything that comes my way has some kind of meaning for me. This is why I will endeavour to find purpose behind everything that happens to me.

I know that it is entirely down to me how quickly I evolve spiritually. I myself am responsible for whatever happens to me, since all these things are born our of the thoughts I held, words I spoke or deeds I acted out if my past lives. In order to live another life on earth in joy and love I will use my present life to give others much joy and love. I alone am the architect of my fortune. I can hold no one else responsible since I am, was and will be responsible for everything that happens to me whatever that may be.

I see life as a gift, in which each life on earth is an opportunity to develop myself more and more in love and understanding. It pleases me to help others in their development and to allow them to help me on my journey. Therefore I am grateful for each day I am given to learn and discover more about love. I am grateful to be given the chance to turn my consciousness more and more towards the laws of life and God’s love.

An interesting dream

2006-04-27T09:01:00.000+12:00

I woke up this morning with this dream:

My baby is born.

When I wake up, I hear someone say: it’s a boy! He weights 6.5 pounds!

“What a perfect weight!” I hear my mom says somewhere in the room.

I have a look at my baby. He is such a beautiful little thing! He has thick black hair and full teeth. I am surprised however, that he is dark skinned – Indianish kind of dark. I wonder where he got that colour from as I am Asian and hubby is white.

I try to remember what has happened during the labour. Unfortunately I can’t remember a thing. Apparently I’ve just had a caesarean birth. The whole thing just seems weird. No labour, no pain, no drama, no ordeal. I can’t even remember how I went to the hospital in the first place and what happened prior to the caesarean. As a matter of fact, I feel cheated. It’s like my memory on the whole birthing experience which is a holy and glorious experience to a mother is totally wiped out as if it has never happened. Instinctively I raise my upper body and want to know what happened on my tummy. To my great surprise, I can hardly see any scar! The cut was at the low end and on top of a scar I had from a surgery 17 months ago but was done in a way that it is almost unnoticeable. Mostly amazingly, my old scar seems to have vanished. Although I don’t understand, I am rather pleased with how the operation was done.

The next scene is at the beach. It is still the same day but my baby somehow looks like a two year old. He loves the beach too much and enjoys playing on the hot sand. I am a little worried about my new born baby and feel that we shouldn’t expose him in the hot sun for so long. Nevertheless we let him play for hours since he wouldn’t let us take him away from the beach.

I woke up the next morning with a sudden panic. “Oh my ….” I screamed. I realise that I haven’t fed my baby yet since he was born yesterday! “Where is my baby?” I become hysterical. I am soon relieved as my mom walks in the room and hands him over to me! I sit up in my bed and try to position him in a way so that I can breast feed him. I put him to my left nipple to encourage him to suck. I am quite anxious as I am not sure if I have any milk at all let alone if he would connect to it.

I feel hopeless for a minute. Despite his hard effort nothing seems to come out. But after a few seconds I start to feel the milk coming. But my baby spills his first taste of milk out as if he is protesting. “He doesn’t like my milk!” I feel so rejected and disappointed. But I am soon relieved and happy again as he continues to suck my nipples this time he is really enjoying the taste of it. I feel wonderful that my baby and I have established our first bonding so soon and so easy.

Funny that I had two baby dreams late last year. This is the first baby dream I've had since I fell pregnant. All three dreams the baby is a boy. It's not like I take preference to boys. I actually have always thought that baby girls are cute and daughters always have a good connection with their parents. It'll be interesting to see what I'll have!

The Best Time in a Woman's Life

2006-04-18T09:40:00.000+12:00

When one of my friends said to me a few years ago that she loved being pregnant, I did not understand. To me pregnancy has to be uncomfortable, inconvenient and outright unattractive. How can one enjoy being pregnant?

Now 21 weeks into my pregnancy, I finally understand what she meant. Since entering the 2nd trimester, all of sudden, I started to feel great in all ways – physically, emotionally and spiritually. As a matter of fact, I’ve never enjoyed life to a full extent like now. This is definitely the best time in a woman’s life.

I’ve long been used to my bump now, unlike when it first started to show and I somewhat felt a little embarrassed. A couple of weeks ago, I started to feel heaps of baby movements which is such an amazing feeling! My baby feels more and more real each day which enables me to have endless imagination and plans about this baby I am having. My mind always seems to be so occupied that I haven’t had much time to update this blog!

I remember a few years back I used to frequently visit a Chinese doctor mostly for my back problem. He used to say to me that I would feel greater than ever once I am pregnant. He is so true and I know why now. Pregnancy readjusts a woman’s hormone level and brings an optimal balance that the body could possible have as such your mood is great, your emotion is stable and to throw some juicy bit… the intimate time with hubby has never, ever been so incredibly pleasurable. Pregnancy is undoubtedly the sexiest time of a woman’s life!

We have just spent the Easter holiday at the beach with hubby’s family and relations. I was pleased that everyone was so enthusiastic about our baby. One relative even started knitting for our baby (what a shame I haven’t done any shopping yet!). And another relative suggested that hubby and I have a proper Kiwi wedding after the baby is born (we got married in China and did not have a proper wedding albeit we did celebrate with my family) as it seems time has come for a celebration. This is certainly a good idea for us to consider as we will have been married for 10 years in a couple of months time and it will indeed be a milestone and worth a proper celebration having our first baby after 10 years marriage.

We are heading off for a holiday next week. This holiday will be a very special one as it will be our last holiday-of-us-two for a while, marking the end of an era and the beginning of a new chapter. Oh I am so looking forward to it!

Life is good! I’ve never felt so contented about life and filled with so much love, peace and meaning in my life like now. I know family is going to be my number one priority in life from now on. Family... I have finally come to terms with it and I've just turned 35!

On a final note... just when I thought I was going to say good bye to my employer of six years when my current 12-month contract expires in June, I was offered a brand new permanent role with increased pay as I am 'too previous to lose'. How can I possibly resist? I just have more choices now as to when to, or if at all I wish to return to the workforce.

Life can't treat me any better! Can't compain!

Progressing Slowly

2006-02-22T22:18:00.000+13:00

Now I come to realise why I have been so tired lately.

My blood test came out today which reveals that my iron level is very low – not slightly low, but the ‘as low as it can get’ type. This is not something new as my iron level has always been low, like most women. I had hoped that it may have improved since the monthly iron drainage event has stopped. Obviously I have been too optimistic! Of course I have to take iron supplements from now on.

Another vexing matter is that I have put on a whopping 5 pounds already which is somewhat embarrassing as many pregnant women don’t even show at this stage. Working clothes become a real problem because while the maternity wear is still too big for me, the usual clothes are obviously either too tight or too uncomfortable. I’ve spent three weekends shopping for clothes so far with little luck. I just have to keep hunting diligently. Unlike other shopping experiences which were usually uplifting and pleasant, I found these recent shopping trips rather stressful. I suppose I am still a little upset to lose my flat tummy and watch helplessly my waistline grow. I realise that, to understand that it’s a natural process is the easy part; to go through it is not. Theory is always easier to comprehend than reality, isn’t it?

I am often amazed that some women seem to cope really well with pregnancy and babies and are able to endure it all while I know that I am always going to be the person who is not naturally maternal and part of me is never ever going to be prepared for these sacrifices. I was having a chat to my hairdresser the other day during a haircut and said to her that I could not understand why I had this ‘ripped off’ feelings even though I thought I was ready for a family. This hairdresser didn't know me well yet her response was very interesting. She said that since I had been enjoying a care-free coupled life for so long (10 years, that is) and had all the freedom in the world naturally it takes some time to come to terms with losing many of the benefits I'd been taking for granted. I think she is absolutely right!

I think I’ve nagged enough. I feel much better now lol! Sorry to bore you to death hopefully next time I’ll talk about something more exciting other than my 'pre-natal blues'! Time for bed now!

Hibernation Is Over!

2006-02-21T15:24:00.000+13:00

Things started to feel real after my week 13 scan yesterday when the baby's heartbeat, body length, head, feet, hands, stomach were clearly seen. It's about time for me to put things into perspective and regain some form of normality. I am saying this because so far I have been so overwhelmed by the enormous amount of discomfort I've been going through which could easily made me lose sight of what the whole process is all about but to dwell on my endless tiredness, sickness and uncontrollable cravings let alone the mood swings. It's only been three months but what a journey!

It is a shame but I must admit that a couple of times when I was so sick of being sick I actually wished that I was not pregnant. All I knew was that hours felt like days and days felt like weeks and my 'illness' felt like lasting forever. There was nothing else in my life- all my energy, focus and thoughts went to how terrible I felt and thinking what super hot n spicy food I can find or cook for my next meal!

Thankfully things do get much better slowly - On Sunday I went to my meditation group for the first time in 3 months what a fantastic feeling to be amongst a group of positive souls again and eat Vegetarian meals with them and drink Chai tea! I also started morning and evening walks a few days ago to get in touch with that 'high' feeling again endorphin gives me. Oh it is nice to be normal and feel normal!!

My baby is fine. What else can I ask from life? It's time to get on with it! Hopefully I'll return to this blog more often from now on. I've missed you all!

Another Break

2006-01-09T16:53:00.000+13:00

I haven’t been feeling particularly well since I fell pregnant and now comes more unpleasant symptoms (I won’t name them but you know what they are) which I have to get used to for perhaps at least another couple of months. I generally feel unwell and energiness but I know this phase won’t last forever. At the moment I don't seem to have the energy, desire or motivation for blogging so excuse me if you don’t see me much for a wee while.

This blog is actually for myself and I never intended otherwise but over this period I seem to have made a few friends which made blogging more exciting and rewarding. The most fantastic thing to me about blogging apart from self-expressing is that even you and me might never meet in person and even you and me are half a globe away, our hearts can be linked. It's amazing!

But at the moment I feel like having a break so that I can rest, relax, read, think, meditate or just get lazy. Hopefully I'll be active again in a couple of months or sooner (you never know!) both physically and mentally. In the meanwhile I’ll miss you all and I wish you all well!

From your friend passion.

New Year's Resolution

2006-01-04T12:04:00.000+13:00

I was listening to a radio talk show on New Year’s day about New Year’s resolution. Surprise, surprise! According to the radio talk show, the top list on many people’s New Year resolution was to cut back on boos! I gathered that because the survey was conducted right after the New Year’s celebration and most people were still suffering from hangovers. It goes to show that many of us have a love-hate relationship with alcohol!

During the last few days I’ve also been thinking about my New Year’s resolution. I asked myself: How am I going to live out my New Year? What do I want to achieve? What are my dreams? What do I want to be and where do I want to go?

It turns out that my New Year resolution for this year is actually very simple. Rather than setting up targets on how much time I want to spend on exercising and studying; how many books I want to read; how much salary I want to earn; how many new friends I want to make...which was the case in my previous New Year's resolutions; I have only one list in my New Year's resolution, which is: to learn about love and to learn to be. I believe love and to be are the same thing. They both means connecting and rememberance. We all need love but many people think we need to chase love or find love. What we forget is that love is not far away. Love is right here, in every breath we take, every thought we think, every word we say and everything action we do. The question to ask is: how connected am I with Love?

For a long time, to me love means a special connection to a special someone, a romantic, passionate bond. It took me a long time to realise that love is not that narrow meaninged and love can be present regardless you have a romantic relationship. Love is giving without receiving. Love is compassion, empathy, respect and peace. Love is harmony. Love is power. Love can take us to great height and afford us knowledge, wisdom and courage. Love teaches us how to use our time and energy wisely. Love gives us power to conquer challenges and hardship. Love enables us to make good choices in life. With love, there is no room for jealousy, judgement, greed, anger and laziness because love in essence is being in harmony with self, God and our fellow men. With love we will refrain from negative tendency such as gossiping, judgement, impatience and inconsiderate actions. With love, all the obstacles in life will find a resolve.

Some people are sceptical about love. They say that love hurts and love doesn’t last. Love that hurts is not love at all. It is lust, attachment, possessiveness, judgment, discrimination and desire. People say that love doesn’t last only because they have stopped giving love. Because the more we give love, the more we receive. True love is a fountain; it never dries up. It has no limits.

Someone said: There is no way to love; love is the way. By allowing our love to flow, we become moistened and remain forever fresh, resourceful, attractive and healthy. Without love, all of life’s treasures are locked away from our vision and experiences.

Love in indeed 'the key'. Let me find this key, and unlock the treasures that have always been around me. I’ve been sleeping for too long; it’s time for my heart to awaken. I know that some moments I will love; other moments I won’t; some moments I will feel enthusiastic and passionate while other moments I will feel slack and weary, but I’ll just let it be, accepting my moods and my feelings. I won't be perfect, that's for sure! After all, love is a university that no student ever graduates!

Love is what I live for. I believe love is what we all live for. Health is important, so are family, friendship, job and money. But without love all other things in life will fade. But in order to find love, I know that I must understand It; I must connect. I must live each moment as it comes, smell It, touch It, see It, sense It; feel It. I just need to be.

I still remember a tip I read sometime ago from a book to check if one is living in the moment. It goes like this: The moment you notice your attention has drifted, you can direct it back to the body, back to this moment, by asking yourself three questions: Am I breathing? (Take a conscious breath). Am I relaxed? (Let go of any tension you notice). Am I doing whatever I am doing with refinement and grace? (Allow yourself to do so). These questions are signposts pointing back to present reality. And in this way, you begin to practise everyday enlightenment.

Do I really need a New Year's resolution? I guess not. If happiness, love and peace are already with me in this very moment, why neglect now and dwell on a distant future which is yet to come? I agree that goal setting is important, so is an enforceable action plan and by no means I believe in idleness and laziness. However, it is important to remember: Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.

Eternity is not something that begins after we are dead. It is going on all the time. As a matter of fact, we are in it right now. So, breath, relax, smile and enjoy! :)

Om shanti!

Off To The Beach

2005-12-29T10:16:00.000+13:00

This morning my weight has gone down to 49kg. This is a big improvement. All other indicators have seen improvements too. So today I could finally walk out of the hospital after eight days of 'solitary confinement'. After all we can still go to the beach for the New Year - a family tradition for the last eight years or so. Yay!!

Thanks for your support my dear friends and I wish you a fantastic New Year! See you all in the New Year!

Update

2005-12-24T11:06:00.000+13:00

Here I am in the hospital on the 4th day and am still under observation. I don't know how long I am staying here for but a nurse told me that a patient with similar problem stayed 2 weeks. I am not in pain and am not taking any drugs. But the fluid in my body has caused much discomfort in that I can't move much as my movement causes shortness of breath. My weight has gone up from 47kg to 52 kg and I look no different from a 4 or 5 months pregnant woman. My blood is getting thicker and I am also in danger of getting blood clot. That's why they have to keep me here. No real 'treatment' is being carried out as I was told that the fluid in my body is not 'serious' enough to be drained.

In the meantime I was told that this problem is not likely to go away. While my tummy is so bloated that any food or drink would cause discomfort, it's the least concern to my doctor. They are concerned however about the fluid in my lung which is about 2 litres. I can no longer lie flat and sleep any more as that gives me huge difficulties in breathing. Last night I had to ask the nurse to give me oxygen so I could sleep.

The whole plan of Christmas and New Year is changed. Instead of going to Hawke's Bay to spend Christmas with hubby's family and have New Year at the beach, I am going to be a resident in the hospital for a while.

Noticing I got so bored in the hospital hubby came in this morning with my laptop. Unfortunately the hospital has a passway which we don't know how to access. I found an Internet in the postshop of the hospital but I suspect I am going to be using it much.

I know, it doesn't sound pleasant. But life is about going with the flow and accepting whatever happens. In my ward there are a few women who had cancer and one even had one breast taken out. By contrast my problem seems insignificant and less dramatic. So I try not to be too upset. I am staying in the best hospital in the country and I am in good hands, I am a lucky girl.

My ward is on the 9th floor and interestly enough the only building with a big enough sign that's readible says on the top of the building PEACE. I always believe that nothing happens by chance. Perhaps this sign is just there to remind me that at any time in any place one should always remember that peace is the only way to cope with this world and all our problems.

Despite all the problems I am going through, a nice surprise came to me - I am pregnant! And to a large extent it is the cause of the whole drama. So what have I got to complain? All the suffering will be worth it I hope!

My 30 minutes are running out. I've got to go. Thanks to all of you who have left such kind words in your reply to my prevous post. You have no idea how much I appreciated them. I miss you all and may peace be with you!

Merry Christmas!

A Break

2005-12-20T19:34:00.000+13:00

Things are not looking good. My tummy swell hasn’t got any better over the last ten days or so. It is still full of fluid. And by the looks of it, it’s going up to my chest because since yesterday I started to feel a tight chest and shortness of breath. None of my pants/jeans fit me any more except my pyjamas. My movement is slow and I can’t eat or drink much as the room is already full. No. It’s not a good feeling at all.

So I am taking a break. I am not going to be posting for a wee while until I feel better. Hopefully the fluid will go away by itself if miracle happens. If not, I will have to be hospitalised and procedures will have to be done to drain the fluid out.

I was pitying myself for being sick at this time of year. But when I watched the 6 o’clock news tonight and saw those victims from the recent Kashmir Earthquake dying from freezing condition and lack of food supply, I realised how small my problem is and how lucky I am. I have got so many resources to help me and plenty of love to comfort me - what a good life I have!

I wish you all a wonderful festival season and a merry Christmas! Take care everyone!

Learning Tai Chi

2005-12-18T18:20:00.000+13:00

Wanting to learn Tai Chi has been on my mind for quite some time. I remember attending to a Tai Chi class eight years ago ran by a friend of mine. Very soon I discovered that although I had romantic ideas about Tai chi, I was not ready for it. The slow movements almost drove me mad as I practised amongst a group of people most of whom were much older than me. After a few sessions I lost interest.

But I am ready now. Thanks to meditation, yoga and pilates which all started a couple of years ago and now have become parts of my life, these days I am able to feel quite comfortable just to be with myself, in stillness or in slow motion. Perhaps the word 'comfortable' is an understatement because I love these moments! I am no longer the active person who constantly had to be on the go and who only found satisfaction in doing fast exercises and having a good sweat. As I learn to train my mind to be quietened, I start to feel the connection with my inner self. I start to enjoy my company in those 'idle' moments. I have changed.

Recently I had an opportunity to learn a special type of Tai Chi - Maori Tai Chi. It was so cool even though I’ve only had one session so far. After the Tai Chi I immediately felt rejuvenated and reenergized. In this Tai Chi, a beautiful Maori music was played at the background with the teacher giving instructions as he demonstrated. Although I can’t remember the exact movements we were taught, I can however remember what each movement stood for. It went like this:

Inhale and exhale. Relax. Be receptive. Let go of all burdens and worries;

Give respect and worship to our ancestors;

Embrace our spirits;

Appreciate and connect to The Mother Earth;

Appreciate our muscular strength;

Appreciate our feminine wisdom;

Give love to the world; be of service;

Receive love from the world and show gratitude.

I noticed that Maori Tai Chi differs slightly from the Chinese Tai Chi in that Maori Tai Chi has an element of connection to spirit, ancestors and The Earth while Chinese Tai Chi is a manifestation of Tao philosophy in body movements and contains principles of yielding, softness, centeredness, slowness, balance, suppleness and rootedness. The combination of the two seems to make a perfect art that helps people feel better, think more clearly and become mentally stronger and calmer to deal with stress and problems.

No doubt it’s going to be a lot of fun ahead! :)

The Power of Affirmation

2005-12-18T12:10:00.000+13:00

Recently I met a colleague of hubby at his work. Both him and I were helping out with hubby's seminar so I got to chat with him about things. During our chat I found out that although he has a very prosperous career being the top trader in the company, his personal life was not so perfect - he had been divorced twice and he was not seeing anyone at the moment.

"How come successful guys like you are not seeing any women? You seem like the kind of guy who should have the whole world!" I joked at him.

"All women are trouble. I've given up on them! All they are after is your credit card!" He sighed.

"Hmm... Maybe you are just unlucky! I am sure there are plenty of nice women around..." I said. I was temped to tell him that maybe his negative attitude towards women was holding him back from having a fulfilled relationship? He was not ugly, appeared to be a decent and down-to-earth bloke, earned good money... all of which made me think he is worthy and deserving. However I felt inappropriate to give any comments since I barely knew him! I just hope that one day he will find his love of his life and live happily ever after as he seems to be a worthy person apart from his negativity towards relationships.

On the other hand, a friend of mine has recently shared her positive affirmations which according to her, is a tool to realigh her thoughts and reinstill her self-confidence when the fuel is low. Since they are such illuminating affirmations I have decided to quote them below. I too use affirmation occasionally but mine is no way near her lengthy and detailed one!! Hope you can find some inspiration from them like I did! :)

* I think of dwelling in the serenity and peace of knowing the love for myself
* I think of sharing the joys of life with all around me and the sorrows with those who care.
* I think of appreciating those things that are funny and joyful to me and do not have to share that with anyone other than myself.
* I think of the beauty of stopping to appreciate the scent of the flowers and the feel of the warm rain on my face. I think of not letting any of these gentle moments pass without appreciating them because I have allowed myself to be bothered by what others think.
* I think about appreciating the gift of laughter and joy that good friends bring.
* I think about the satisfaction of being who I want to be in ALL things. Reacting out of the highest decisions for me, and what will allow me to be the best person I am able to become.
* I follow my passion for life in everything I do.
* I am warm and loving in my thoughts about myself.
* I am beautiful and giving in my relationships to others.
* I am strong in my support of what is right for me.
* I have defined what I will or will not do, while being open to the changes that will occur as a part of life.
* I feel loved and warm being in the company of others and will foster comfort in the company of good friends.
* I refine my goals and define Who I Want To Be and rejoice in who I am.
* I remind myself every day that life is a gift to be enjoyed and treasured.
* I remind myself that Love is a gift that is to be cherished and honored.
* I will be myself and let others remain whole.
* I will enjoy a unity where my life crosses others, and will openly share my reality and growth as we follow our individual paths.
* I do not covet the experiences of others, because it takes nothing away from my experiences.
* I feel the radiance of my soul and know that I will always be honest and true, no matter where the future takes me.
* I feel a comfort that I can be myself and others can be who they are and I will not judge or reject another for taking a different path.
* I focus on the joys and happiness in my everyday life and do not create wants or needs by allowing myself to feel that way.
* My constructive tendencies enable me to prevail despite outward circumstances.
* I recognize my positive tendencies and attitudes are among my most precious assets.
* I am promoting greater personal health, prosperity, emotional well being and mental efficiency today and every day.
* With intensity and repetition I have created the habits which bring success and higher consciousness.
* I am free to live, and love, and laugh. The world is a treasure and it is mine to enjoy.
* I will risk looking like a fool for love and for the adventure of being alive.
* I can disappoint another to be true to myself, I can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray my own soul. I can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
* I can be alone with myself and truly like the company I keep in the empty moments.
* I find serenity and tranquillity in a world I may not always understand.
* The pain I have known and the conflict I have experienced give me the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism.
* I have in my life those who encourage my growth, recognize my tenderness, and are open to expressing love.
* There are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when I feel most alone.
* May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be mine every day of my life, and may I give these gifts as well as receive them.
* May the teachings of those I admire become part of me, so that I may call upon them.
* Those whose lives I have touched and who have touched mine are always a part of me, even if the encounters were less than I would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its form.
* I place immeasurable value on the goodness in my heart.
* I find time in each day to see beauty and love in the world around me.
* I see my future as one filled with promise and possibility. I see everything around me as a worthwhile experience.
* I view everything as a worthwhile experience, and seek the lesson in each encounter.
* I have enough inner strength to determine my own worth by myself, and not be dependent on another's judgment of my accomplishments.
* I will always feel loved because my greatest love will always be for myself.

The Power Of Positive Thoughts

2005-12-15T10:40:00.000+13:00

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a supple and flexible body so that we can bend, stretch and do all sorts of things with it without feeling stiff or hurting ourselves?

Well, if you have a stiff body, don’t despair. As a supple body, it’s just a thought away!

I am not kidding. I experimented it last night, during John Shackleton’s talk show where some one hundred people attended.

We were asked to stand up, right arm straight and far reaching to the front. We were then asked to turn our waist to the right, stretch as far as we can, and observe how far our arms could go. I was reasonably happy and satisfied that my right arm almost turned 270 degree – better than most of the people there.

When this was done, everyone stood there, waiting for what John had to say next. This time John gave some kind of hypnotic commentary like this: Close your eyes! Now imagine your body is very light and very flexible – so light that you feel like a feather and so flexible that you can stretch as far as you want... if negative thoughts come along just despise it and tell it to go away... when he finished his commentary, we were asked to do the same exercise one again. This time my arm kept going until I reached 270 degree… nothing stopped me… I kept going and going ... until I finally found my arm pointing to some 330 degree! WOW! That was amazing! I had never stretched that far!

When asked who stretched further this time, everyone put their hands up. EVERYONE!

What did I learn from this experiment? I have learnt that, whatever result we want in life, is just a thought away. That is, if you think you can, you can! Positve thoughts lead to positive results. That’s the power of positive thoughts!

Of course, positive thoughts don’t just come by as a cemented habit to us. As pointed out by John, it takes training; it takes self reflection; most important of all, it takes a shift in our self-belief. If we do not like the results we get from life, the answer always lies in understanding what we believe in. Until we do, our positive thinking only brings us limited success.

When you think about it, every thought stems from our beliefs, and these beliefs are what ultimately define and create who we are, as well as the lives we lead. Unless we are clear on what we believe, whether it’s love, relationships, money, gender roles, success, whatever, we may never experience the richness and joy of life that we are meant to.

If you think John was a lofty talker, check this one out: at age of fifty-two, he swims faster than he did at the age of eighteen when he was a competitive swimmer! He realised that the reason he could not rise to the world’s top swimmer in his competitive swimming career was due to his limited belief about himself. He just didn’t believe he was good enough. Sounds familiar?

Anyway, it was a wonderful evening and John talked with great energy and a good sense of humour. When I met him outside the venue, he looked rather ordinary - medium height, red faced and half bold. However by the end of the evening he looked big and charismatic! What has changed? My thoughts!!

Just remember: we are what we think. Whatever you want to achieve in life, it’s just a thought away!

Olive Oil

2005-12-14T16:44:00.000+13:00

It’s nice to get into the habit of healthy living. As of recently, hubby and I have adopted some habits like only drink mineral water, only use olive oil and olive spread, and we only buy freshly produced food rather than processed food. It didn’t take us long to rule out sausages, crumbed or marinated meat, canned food, chips, cakes and biscuits and quick microwave meals. Also for any new food we try, we always read labels to see what nutrients are in them. Say if I read saturate fat, trans fat or too much sugar in the label, my brain automatically reacts in a way that puts me off buying. Doesn’t matter how good it looks or smells. I am not eating for the sake of flavour any more. As we get older, I think it’s important to be a mindful eater. We’ve been a slave to our taste buds for too long!

At home I am usually the ‘leader’ and hubby usually the ‘follower’ on this sort of things. What surprised me most was that, hubby start to give health advice to his client on what to eat, what not to eat and how to live a healthful life. WOW that was revolutionary cos he used to be a no-fuss guy and enjoyed whatever tastes good! Look at the email below he sent to one of his client:

Bruce,

This is what I found on Olive Oil. I don't think its all that bad to heat it. (Note: Bruce's doctor adavised him to stay away from olive oil if in frying..)

As to the behavior of olive oil in frying it is important to note the following:
Olive oil, as with any fatty substance, deteriorates during the frying process especially if it is used over and over and if the frying temperature is very high. High temperature destroys the good ingredients of any oil while it creates harmful agents for the liver, the arteries and the heart. It is important however to take into consideration that these harmful agents are less likely to be created in olive oil than in all other known vegetable oils and this is because olive oil has a different composition. It contains a high percentage of oleic acid, which is much more resistant to oxidization than the polyunsaturated acids, which are found in large amounts in seed oils. But more importantly olive oil contains natural anti-oxidizing agents such as phenols and vitamin E. Of course it should be noted that during frying olive oil smokes at lower temperatures than is the case with seed oils. The reason is that olive oil is a natural fruit juice and contains a certain quantity of olive pulp. This disadvantage can be dealt with if we keep the frying temperature low. This practice should be followed regardless of which type of oil we use. This analysis should be convincing enough to help us revise our conventual wisdom as to the suitability of olive oil for frying purposes.

I just thought it’s interesting that he and his client talk about olive oil rather than the money market which is what he is supposed to advise on!

John Shackleton Is Coming To Town!

2005-12-14T12:56:00.000+13:00

I’ve heard about him. I’ve read his books. Now this famous Europe and Australiasia’s top inspirational speaker is coming to town!

His name is John Shackleton. He is a leading executive coach to CEOs and MDs, a highly successful businessman and property developer. He is a winning international sports coach, and a British and New Zealand master’s swimming champion. His unique business and sporting experience at the highest level have given him an unrivalled ability to build leadership and help people achieve extraordinary results.

You know what the most exciting thing is? I am going to meet this exceptional man tonight at a free community event! This event is organised by Brahma Kumaris – an organisation I frequently go these days for medication. Recently on an airplane one of our Brothers started talking to a guy sitting next to him and found this man incredibly interesting and inspiring. The next minute he found out that he was talking to John Shackleton! During the flight they became friends and the Brother invited Shackleton to give a speech during his stay in Auckland to the community. You know what! Shackleton generously agreed! Tonight he is going to speak about ‘the Power of Thought’.

I am so looking forward to the evening! It’s time for some inspiration and be empowered by these powerful people!

Feeling Good Again

2005-12-12T15:23:00.000+13:00

This morning after my shower, I knew that I had 'come back'.

It’s a good feeling, to feel 100%. It’s a feeling I missed for an entire week. I had been on medication for a few weeks, and my hormone was all over the place. Starting from last week I constantly felt tired and faint. My body was aching, my mind was foggy, my mood was foul and my taste bud was gone. To top it off, my tummy swelled up overnight. I quickly popped on the scale, wow! A whopping 2kg weight gain! I looked four months pregnant overnight!

This happened on Thursday. After some panicking, hubby and I hurriedly rushed to the hospital in case something went terribly wrong as I'd just had a medical precedure the day before(last year things went terribly wrong the day after my surgery and I was admitted for a second surgery immediately... you can see why we had a fright this time). Fortunately after a scan and blood test my nurse was able to confirm that all was fine and my tummy swell would go down in time. That was good news but my tummy... I used to love my tummy! It was firm, flat and well-toned. Now carrying this strange shaped tummy, I almost don’t feel real! What’s going on inside me?

I'd be fine as long as the swell goes down by the end of the week as I have just bought some new party dresses for the Christmas functions for this weekend. Of course all of the dresses would not fit a four-month pregnant tummy or at least would not look decent! Things like this is beyond my control. Let's just see what happens. The main thing is that I feel normal again. The foggy mind, body aches and the fatigue .... have all gone! I am able to feel life again.

It’s hard to feel peaceful, loving, calm and happy when you are unwell. Once again I realise that the No. 1 valuable asset one can have is definitely health because without good health all the abundance in life seems so irrelevant to ya!

Accepting the Truth About Life

2005-12-11T17:51:00.000+13:00

Wisdom for the day:

Most of the unnecessary pain we cause ourselves in life comes from not accepting the truth about the human condition and the realities of our lives. If we could just accept those truths and realities, we could move through our days and decades without so much unnecessary pain.
-- Lauren Mellin

I think the basic message from the above is that most pain we suffer is from our unrealistic or unreasonable expectations from life. Once we have accepted the human condition and realities, we can then learn to make decisions even when there are so seemingly good options.

------------

I was about to publish this post, my naughty cat just climbed on the net curtain in our living room. She clang onto it and tried to get out from the window only to realise that the window was not open. When she beat a hasty retreat upon our yelling, we noticed that she left behind a huge hole in the curtain. Hubby became very upset with our cat while I just laughed.

What else can you do? What's done is done and you can't control a cat's behaviour! I've learnt to accept the realities of being a cat owner! *grin*

City Of Sails - Some Random Pictures

2005-12-10T15:32:00.000+13:00

Feeling Of Home

2005-12-10T14:56:00.000+13:00

Can you live in a perfect city with the only thing imperfect being the weather?

Well, I used to but I can’t any more. When I lived in Wellington I thought it was a perfect city: perfect size, perfect neighbourhood, perfect people, perfect lifestyle and perfect pace...However I never got used to its weather. Wellington is famous for its wind. It’s ferocious, ruthless cold and nasty. It goes through your skin and straight into your bones, in all seasons. That’s why I almost never wore skirts during the entire six years when I lived in Wellington. Perhaps it is no coincidence that from my 2nd year on in Wellington I have developed a chronic back pain. Everyday I had to fight against the 'cold bitch' to keep her away! I was always cold and freezing. I had several wheat bags with me all the time and in my air-con office I still had to use my own heater. Life in Wellington had been a life in a big chilly bin!

My daily battle with the wind and coldness came to an end when we moved here five months ago. Although we've also had cold days and wind, the air and the wind in Auckland are much more gentle and pleasant! Accompanied with its gentle breezes is often a familiar tropical humidity - the kind just like my original home, Southern China. For the first time in many years, my passion for shopping on summery clothing such as bikini, skirts and shorts is back! Woohoo! Last weekend hubby spent the entire weekend shopping clothes with me tirelessly and with great enthusiasm. I’ve never seen him so happy and keen watching me spend money on shopping - he hasn’t seen me on skimpy outfit for years (except the odd tropical holidays we had overseas)!

I am finally able to feel relaxed and comfortable to go everywhere without worrying about if my clothes are warm enough. Thank God I also don’t have to tense my body up or hold my breath to fight an environment which is far too cold for me. These days my body is straight and my breath is deep. Finally I feel like at home. I enjoy myself and this environment more. I have no reason to feel stressed. A stroll to the Cornwall Park (where the famous One Tree Hill is) which is five minutes away takes all my worries away.

Yes, this is my home! Home - it's a concept that had never occurred to me until now. All the places hubby and I lived in the past felt like a 'temporary nest'. I suppose it's like a relationship - you can't force it; you just have to wait until you've found it! For hubby he has rekindled his passion for wind-surfing; as for me, I can go along with him and do kayaking which is my favourite water sport... Looks like we are going to hang around for a wee while!

I love this city!

Cat's Intuition

2005-12-08T10:18:00.000+13:00

It’s hard to believe that this cat of ours is 5.5 years old. She still behaves like a kitten. Hubby and I had thought that her neediness, playfulness, naughtiness and madness were just typical behaviours of a kitten. Since she has never 'matured' or 'toned down', we have come to accept that this is what a Burmese cat is like - they never 'come of age'! They are hyper-active, hyper-intelligent and hyper-annoying!

Like dog owners who have to take their dogs out for daily walks, we have to have a few games with our cat on a daily basis and our games normally starts in the morning when she brings her favourite toy - a piece of string, to bed, begging for play. Occasionally this would happen in mid-night when she could not wait or has got the timing wrong *sigh*. Yes she LOVES to chase the string. Hubby and I both believe that string is what she lives for! If we start to throw the string, nothing else would entice her even her favourite food - salmon! If she is neglected by us, she would growl, run around the house like mad, get on top of the TV, rip off the curtains, throw up, follow you and claw your foot as you walk, tap your bum as you sit... you name it! If you have a Burmese cat, you’ll know that they need lots of attention almost like a young child!

Yet this super naughty cat can be incredibly intuitive. I have been unwell for the last few days and I had to go to the hospital yesterday to have a procedure done which involves anaesthetics. I was sick all the way home because of the anaesthetics. When hubby escorted me home at mid-day, I still felt so drugged and heavy-headed.

For the rest of the day I lay in bed, sleeping lots. I noticed that my cat was also in bed, beside me, all the time. Unlike her usual self, she seemed to know that I was unwell and that I needed her company. She was like an angel, making no noise, no movement, no trouble. She just stayed with me, silently and peacefully. Occasionally she would look at me and yawn yet there was no demands in her look. Her usual neediness and madness was no where to be seen. She seemed to understand what I needed - peace, silence and loyal company.

Cats are incredible animals. They sometimes sense things more accurately than we humans do. When I see the full personality demonstrated in my cat, I have no doubt that cats, like we humans, too must have a soul.

Car Park and Karmic Effect

2005-12-04T12:28:00.000+13:00

Call it karma, cause and effect, yin and yang, sow and reap… life always seems to balance it out for you in a perfect way. Sometimes this balancing act take days, months or years, sometimes it takes several births. Recently hubby and I have experienced something trivial yet funny which amazed me as to how accurate the law of karma is.

We had just finished a seminar (delivered by hubby and I was there helping) and went back to the car park to get our car. As we gave the warden our parking ticket at the exit gate, I heard the guy said: 'Thirty two dollars please!'

'What?' hubby asked.

'Thirty two dollars please!' The warden repeated. 'There is a sign at the entrance. It says eight dollars per hour. I had to explain to two other people a minute ago. Like you, they didn’t read the sign either.' He added.

Eight dollars per hour! This was unheard of! In this country we had never paid more than $4 per hour on parking. This includes Auckland. I wondered what city can justify charging such a high parking fee. While I was in Sydney last year I noticed they charged $6 per hour in CBD and I thought that was hilarious.

Hubby didn’t seem to believe him. He quickly jumped out of the car and ran to the entrance to read the sign. A few seconds later he came back. This time he didn’t argue and handed over our bank card to the guy. Apparently the coinage in the car was not enough for our parking fee this time. I noticed that he was reasonably charming and cool in handling this situation. Some people would just moan, whine, complain or abuse.

Yet his fury surfaced as we drove away. He was angry not just because we felt ripped off. He was more concerned about his clients who came to this seminar and he told them to park their cars in this particular car park which means all the attendees had been ripped off as well. He felt sorry for his clients as although the seminar was free his clients would have paid a small fortune ($16 or $24) for the seminar on parking fee. Granted, it was not a big sum of money for him or the clients; yet it’s often the surprises that set people off.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, even at times we can’t accept it. Sitting in the car I thought about this incident and wondered if it, too, happened in a perfect way. Suddenly everything became clear.

I remembered that hubby mentioned to me about a parking fine he received recently for exceeding the time limit. While he was quite willing to pay the fine of $16, he noticed that the number plate on the ticket was incorrect - they had put another car’s number plate on his ticket! As a result, he didn’t pay the fine knowing that he could get away with it. I laughed out loud when I heard about this story and thought it was funny that some poor bastard would probably be pursued and he would have no clue as to why he was fined!

Did hubby really get away with his parking fine?

Not at all! He paid exactly the same amount back - $16; just a few days later, in a different way (if we had parked our car in any other car park we would have paid $16 max.)

Never expect to get away with anything! Our life, the whole universe is governed by its natural laws. For every action/deed/event/cause, there is always an equivalent balancing action/deed/event/effect. When undesirable things happen to us, don’t question why, and don’t judge, fight or resist; accept everything and just wait, as the answer will manifest to you when you least expect it. Believe it or not, everything happens to us and to this world is perfect, fair and in complete justice regardless you agree or not!

Mastering Unconditional Love

2005-12-03T09:06:00.000+13:00

Someone shared the following article on "mastering the unconditional love". It is so beautiful and truthful! We all yearn for unconditional love as in unconditional love, we feel the best and become the best; yet few of us have mastered this secret wisdom. Have a read, hopefully you can find a thing or two which inspires you.

Radiating the resonance of unconditional love is the intention of all those who have attracted this message. You have come forth to teach one another to stay with the love, no matter what the conditions hold. You are love expressing and experiencing itself. This unconditional love stuff is the stuff of which you are made. It is the core of your very being. It is the highest, fastest frequency of vibration that you can exude while being physically incarnate.

When you resonate anywhere away from that core being, you will know it by the way that you feel. Unconditional love matches the vibration of your Inner Being, Higher Self or Oversoul. You more fully sense your Inner Being as you tap into the frequency that feels good. When you feel good you are glorifying God/Goddess, All-That-Is! You recognize your connection to the eternal Source of all things wonderful, therefore you feel wonder-filled. It is really that simple. A lover is what you came here to be. And when you are not being a lover to self first, by staying connected and feeling good, you are not being who you know yourself to be.

HOLD TO THE CONDITIONS YOU DESIRE, NO MATTER WHAT THE CONDITIONS HOLD.

As you start to play with this state of being an unconditional lover, you may find that it is simply not that simple...unless, of course, you make it easy, by being conscious of radiating this frequency of vibration at all times. This is what masters do.

Now it is time to recognize that the master dwells within your soul. Be that calm master within who is infinitely poised, centered, still and silent. Shed light on negative emotions. Know that those places that hold fear instantly respond to the flow of love.

When conditions present themselves as less than ideal in your view, what do you do? One way is to try to get by, by not reaching too high. You can attempt to harmonize with the reality you see. Why limit yourself to this version of what could be? For there is another way, a lighter way to play. Masters love to face what is in their face, because they know what is in their face is in their vibration.

And this is a key to transformation. Undesirable conditions don't control your experience. They are outside of you, and all your control comes from within. When you look at what you don't want, you draw those things to you. Connection is creation. So, connect to what you do want!

Unconditional love has nothing to do with putting up with conditions that are not the way you want them to be. That is conditional love. You must resonate with conditions the way you want them to be. As you do this, realities that do not represent you will fade away. Masters beam the dream as a broadcasting signal, no matter what conditions appear to be real. They know that if they hold their light on desirable conditions, they access their infinite power to manifest preferred realities.

Most of you want conditions to change so that you can feel good. That is magic in reverse. Cast this spell and you will do well: Find a way to feel good so the conditions can change. As you follow your heart and change the inner view, the outer will follow through.

If conditions are not acceptable, what would be acceptable? What kind of conditions would you love to see, personally or for humanity? Exercise your power as creator! As you exercise anything, it gets stronger. Imagine what a better life looks like. It is the most joy-filled step you can take towards the growth and evolution of your soul.

No matter how you have been conditioned, you can move mountains of unconditional love forward by tapping into the constant flow of love, under any and all conditions. There you will always find your Source. When you keep returning to the love, no matter what, you become saturated in that love. Life becomes increasingly easy and effortless.

As you stay with being and beaming the lover that you are, by imagining things that are the highest representation of you and others, you are radiating the resonance of unconditional love.

Masters know that the way they feel determines the strength of their connection to their natural state of well-being. They have integrated the life-giving principle within: conceive ideas, nurture their growth and give birth to same. They lovingly allow all things to be in their own time and place, starting with themselves. Masters know that true freedom comes from the release of resistance. They allow the manifestation of something to be their guiding light, to show them how they were thinking and feeling. They enjoy the process of creation and do not condemn their creations, because they see the correlation between their energy output and their experiential outcome. They take responsibility for their creations, knowing there can be no blame. They honor the secret wisdom they hold, by casting spells rather than pearls of wisdom before there time. They know that no One needs saving. They allow others their experiences. They teach through example. And in their wisdom, they know that in this "Youniverse", there are no victims, only awesome creators.
by Marelin the Magician

After Life And This Life

2005-12-02T09:03:00.000+13:00

Last night there was a TV interview with Colin Fry, the famous international spiritualist, medium. I am not sure if you have heard of him but here in NZ he is a household name and he is so popular!

It’s always interesting and eye-opening to get to hear what these people have to say about the spirit world. I remember two points particularly he said about after life.

The first point about the spirit world, according to Colin Fry is that, the spirit world is not like what people think is. Different religions or cultural beliefs have different ideas and concepts as to what the spirit world is like and often they refuse to accept another version or possibility.

The second point is about the souls who took their own lives. According to Colin Fry these souls are not all trapped in a dark realm like most people seem to think. They can stay in the higher or lower realm just like other souls. He also said that there is no such a thing as punishment in the spirit world. Punishment is a concept we impose on ourselves.

I am a believer of the spirit world although I haven’t taken any religious path particularly or very seriously. I do have a strong leaning towards most oriental beliefs such as Buddhism though. I believe each of us choose our own paths and there is no ‘wrong’ path or ‘right’ path. Even heaven is a relative concept. How do you know this world we live in and the realities of each individual is not heaven? The same reality can be heaven to some, and hell to another. Heaven is neither perfect nor flawed, it’s just how we project ourselves to see or believe.

As to the souls who took their own lives and not necessarily be ‘punished’, I suppose the basic message is, there are no mistakes, only wrong thinking - and thoughts can be changed. Change your thoughts, and you change your reality, in an eye blink. If we can ‘change our minds’ anytime and decide to live positively, I suppose the souls can change the realms they decide to reside just the same.

Many people are so curious, fascinated and obsessed with the ‘after life’ while our realities are right here in front of us, in this very moment. The point is to learn to LOVE, and enjoy the journey, and to create it the way you want it, as you truly do have that ability within yourself. Heaven is not a goal, not something we strive for in this life. Heaven is right here for some, right now. It doesn’t matter what religion you believe and what path you take, as each is just ONE method to help us grow. The qualities of an elevated soul I believe are universally the same – love, compassion, kindness, acceptance, forgiveness etc.

Live each day as it comes. Sow the seeds now and let tomorrow takes care of itself.

Filling The Day

2005-12-01T18:15:00.000+13:00

Today is the official beginning of summer over here. While it's getting cosier and warmer each day, I can hardly believe that this year is almost over. It has to be the fastest year I've ever lived! Am I getting older, or am I getting busier, to feel this way?

With so many things to do, everyday just spins. Each day is like an empty box, waiting to be filled. We can pack the box with treasures, or load it down with ballast. Many things we put in by habit, without even thinking, because it is easy and comfortable, and it's the way we've always lived.

Yet once the box for today is packed, that's it. You can't take anything out, nor put anything else back in. Once the day is done, the treasures you could have had are either yours or not yours. Tomorrow dawns early, another box duly arrives at the door. What are you going to fill in that box?

A tip I've learnt recently through my meditation on how to make each day valuable is, to give a theme to each day of the week, say Peace for Monday, Love for Tuesday, Power for Wednesday and so on, and stuff the theme into the activities during the day and to remain concious of it. In this way we live each day with treasures.

Each day comes fresh. Make them all special. May your day be filled with joy, peace and love!

Having Fun

2005-11-30T09:07:00.000+13:00

I’d almost forgotten how much fun there is in play. I mean spontaneous play without hassle, planning or restrictions.

Last night after work hubby and I both felt like some outdoor activities. It’s late Spring/early Summer here and the weather was absolutely gorgeous which almost made you feel guilty if you didn’t go out and enjoy the outdoors in the sun. We managed to find the badminton rackets and balls in the garage. They were given to us by someone years ago but we’d never used them! In a couple of minutes we were in a nearby park.

There were some young kids playing in the park, laughing and screaming. There was also a man throwing a tennis ball away for his dog to catch. There was plenty of space for us to play in any way we liked.

Apparently neither of us was good at playing badminton any more. Last time I played badminton was in my college years which must be at least fifteen years ago! For hubby it went back even further! Nevertheless we just whacked the rackets in the air often watching the ball going to the directions it was not intended to go. We ridiculed each other’s clumsiness and funny postures as we ran around trying to hit the ball but often in vain. Perhaps we were having too much fun; the dog came close to us a few times attempting to join us.

We felt like children again and thoroughly enjoyed each minute without any worries, rules or boundaries. We had plenty of time and space to ourselves and we didn’t have to worry about the outcome or anything. We only had a few games yet I realised that just by being with each other, laughing together while focusing on our play brought us tremendous fun.

Afterwards hubby said to me that he hadn’t heard me laugh so loud and so much for a long time!

Is it difficult to find fun and enjoy life? Apparently not! All we need to do, is to be ourselves, and find that innocent child in us. We are all capable of enjoying all the small things in life yet as adults we often forget how much fun there is in the small things. We always seem to want something big such as an overseas holiday or an expensive gadget and think these can bring us fun; we fail to realise that fun is right here with us and doesn’t have to cost a thing, as long as we let go of the unnecessary burdens we carry with us all the time and just stay in each moment.

Sticking To It Until The End

2005-11-29T12:38:00.000+13:00

I’ve just completed my seven week evening classes of yoga. I kind of felt sad as I’ve just started enjoying it and it was all over! Although it’s only been seven weeks, it is interesting to note that out of the twelve attendees, none of us made a 100% attendance. Each week the numbers were dropping and as of last night which was the final class only two of us made it. When I turned up, the tutor was so relieved. She said: 'Ah you made it as well! I had thought we might not have a class tonight!' Imagine how disappointing and unrewarding for a tutor when no one turns up for class!

I think I did it well to have made it until the very end. The only one class I missed was the night before going to a job interview the next day because I needed the night to prepare for my interview which to me was fully justifiable.

The same happened to my evening course on Confident Speaking at the same school. We had twelve people to begin with but finished with only three of us. What a shame that the busy life we live these days makes the concept of commitment almost like a mission impossible for the majority of us! We are only talking about commitment for a relatively short period of time and on something that’s really beneficial to us!

Talking about myself, sticking to something until the end hasn’t always been easy either. In my younger years it was not unusual for me to be burnt with passion with a new hobby or project yet the enthusiasm was often short lived before I could see the fruit of it. I knew that I needed a change as I knew that I could do better. As I got older, more specifically into my thirties, I knew that if I want to accomplish anything in life, I needed to be responsible for myself and stick to it until the end. Quite amazingly when I take that responsibility seriously, commitment is no longer a difficult thing! It just comes by naturally. In the last three or four years I’ve conducted various projects and learning courses. Looking back I know that I have changed: I am more stable, committed, and mature. I have found more self confidence these days because I know that I am able to honour my own needs and inner desire in a positive way to become a better person.

In my New Year’s resolution at the beginning of this year, I wrote that ‘I owe myself a life to the fullest. I will always strive for realising my full potential, bringing out the best of myself, and use my goodness, knowledge and love to benefit myself, my family and the society.’ Looking back at the life I’ve given myself in the last eleven month, I think I’ve honoured my own words and I’ve earned self-respect.

As to yoga, I can see that it’s becoming part of my everyday life. Like meditation, pilates and running, they are becoming part of my daily routine which make me feel whole and in touch with myself. It makes me realise that the external world only drives me away from my own essence while being with myself gives me the most wonderful feeing. I am amazed!

I Need Some Love!

2005-11-26T21:22:00.000+13:00

Some say love, it is a hunger an endless aching need...

Life can be quite hectic sometimes. I am sure you know what I mean. Although hubby and I live a reasonably care-free lifestyle which means we have plenty of time together; occasionally, we can be both wrapped up in our own little world doing our own thing. This is what I like about our marriage - apart from ‘our world’ we each have our ‘own world’ so that we get to keep our own space and individuality. However, occasionally imbalance can happen when one starts to feel ignored due to lack of attention. It can happen to me; it can happen to him. It’s funny how things seem to take cycles in life.

“I need some love!” Hubby came to me, and gave me a hug. He was in the middle of preparing dinner and I was putting the washing away.

I was slightly surprised for a second but soon realised that he’d been ignored as I’d been wrapped up with meditation, pilates and reading Bill Clinton’s My Life for the whole day. Although today is Saturday and we are both at home, we didn’t have breakfast or lunch together. It was not just me that had been busy; he had been sitting in front of his computer all day preparing for a seminar he is to deliver next week. I realised that the day was almost over and we had barely talked to each other!

I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tightly, my head pressed against his chest. It was nice to feel the warmth, the bodily contact, and...Love. I realised that it was not just him that needed love; me too! Because we were not spending time together, I did not feel particularly intimate with him today even though it was not me that noticed it first.

We can all be needy at times. Our neediness for love is a constant hunger; an endless aching need. Yet I liked the way hubby communicated his neediness to me. It was so gentle, soft and sincere - a warm touch I have yet to learn to adopt. I am not a natural good communicator in terms of what I need, what I want and what I feel. Usually by the time when I feel the ‘hunger’ I’ve already lost most of my patience and gentleness as such it often comes out abruptly. On the matter of love, I realise that I’ve still got so much to learn and hubby, not only is he a perfect lover, he is such a good teacher!

At times when the flames are low, don’t forget: Love is just a few words away! Tell your lover that, you need some love! Just ask gently and lovingly, everything you ask will come to you!

Finding Sanctuary

2005-11-26T09:39:00.000+13:00

According to John Gray's Men are from Mars, men retreat to their ‘cave’ when they are hurt and the more their partner asks them to come out, the longer they want to stay in there. The cave is where they can rest and lick their wounds unseen and where they regroup themselves to gather strength to be able to function again as men. The ‘cave’ is their sanctuary.

Is ‘cave’ the sole privilege to men? I don’t think so. We all need a sanctuary - a place where we can quieten our mind and feel protected and cared for. In our sanctuary, we do not need to defend ourselves and we can let go of the rules and boundaries. This is a place where we feel connected to a power greater than ourselves. I know for most women we have a need to communicate with someone to ‘talk things through’ to find a solution to a problem. While this is perfectly all right and indeed very comforting, we must not forget especially when ‘our listeners’ are not around or are unavailable that we can find comfort and safety from within - our sanctuary.

This sanctuary can be anything. It can be your childhood hide place; it can be a cave, a forest, a shrine, a talisman, or special stones where you naturally find positive energies and strong vibrations. My sanctuary is ocean. I always seem to find peace when I am near the ocean. In recent years just about every holiday I’ve had took place near the ocean and it didn’t occur to me to go anywhere inland! Also Time and time again during meditation I am taken to the beach and to the ocean and I let myself dive deep into the sea until I reach the seabed. Here the water is crystal clear, the colourful sea creatures are incredibly beautiful and all I can hear is this massive silence which makes me feel in perfect harmony with nature. Here peace makes its home inside me and I know that whatever happens, it’s all right!

What is your sanctuary?

Change The World

2005-11-25T21:44:00.000+13:00

The current distressing state of the world is the consequence of past action of humanity. Technical and political solutions to the challenges we now face are not enough.

There needs to be radical change in the hearts and minds of people throughout the world - a realisation that the world will only change when we change the world the way we relate to ourselves, others and nature.

By changing our consciousness and reconnecting with our inner spirit, we will naturally and spontaneously want to make the world a cleaner, healthier, safer and more beautiful place in which human beings, and other creatures can live together in peace and harmony.

Here are 10 powerful ways in which you can contribute:

Live Simply
When we use our mental, emotional and physical resources wisely and carefully, based on our needs rather than desires, we are able to fulfil our responsibility as a trustee of the earth.

Be Unlimited
By connecting with our spiritual essence and going beyond the artificial divisions of gender, race, culture and religion, we feel part of the global family and act accordingly.

Open the Heart
Practising compassion, forgiveness and unconditional love for the self and others, enables us to heal this shattered world.

Clean mind
Putting a full stop to negative and wasteful thinking and using the power of the mind in a positive way is the foundation for world transformation.

Empower yourself
Realising that we are the creators of our own world, and that we always have a choice as to how we can deal with the challenges of life, brings a sense of freedom and responsibility, which gives us the faith and courage to make a difference.

Walk the talk
When we remain true to our inner values and follow our conscience, despite resistance from others, our actions bring benefit to many.

Respect for life
Recognising the uniqueness, wonder and beauty of our own being, enables us to treat ourselves, others, animals and nature with consideration and care.

Eat Well
Pure vegetarian food cooked with love, nourishes our whole being and contributes to the health of the planet.

Following your dream
The more powerful, positive and detailed our vision of the future, the more likely we are to achieve it.

Feed the soul
Spending time alone in silent prayer or meditation, gives us the inner strength and wisdom to deal with life in a more positive and peaceful way.

Contemplation v Thinking

2005-11-25T07:30:00.000+13:00

Unlike the Buddhist meditation I was taught earlier which was to ultimately attain a state of stillness and emptiness, Raja Yoga meditation, by contrast, seems very 'noisy'. We always play background music or commentary. We are told thoughts are okay. For beginners we were even taught to direct our meditation based on four questions so that our thoughts would stay focused.

The four questions to ask are:

1. Who am I?
2. What is my form?
3. What are my original form?
4. Where do I come from?

On the surface, these two meditation methods seem to be contradictory to each other with one focusing on emptiness and requires absolute quietness and the other focusing on thoughts and allows sounds. But when you delve into it, you will find that they are quite similar and can achieve the same result.

In Raja Yoga, the questions to use together with the background music and commentary during meditation are aids to quieten the mind through contemplation. Contemplation is different from thinking as thinking normally engages resources from the external world while contemplation is about plunging into deeper realms where we can draw emotional information, the response from the body, and ultimately the promptings of our heart.

I find contemplation is quite useful during meditation as in contemplation I can drop a question into my awareness, allow it to sink out of view, and then simply wait. Sometimes an answer comes, sometimes not. Sometimes I simply receive a feeling: an intuition, an inner prompting. I think this may be similar to auto writing.

In contemplation, energy finds its own way to work on you and opens you up to insights and peace. This is where healing takes place.

It's Time To Have A Tattoo!

2005-11-23T16:30:00.000+13:00

It’s time to have a tattoo done! And it’s gotta be done before Christmas!

I can see a few eye brows raising there. “Having a tattoo? Are you sure you are not mad, Passioncity?” I hear you ask.

Don’t worry! It’s not me who is having a tattoo done! It’s one of my colleagues. He came to me recently and asked for advice as to what tattoo would look cool as he wanted it in Chinese.

The world is certainly changing! I remember some ten or fifteen years ago it was very trendy to have English prints on my T-shirt in China (some of them are still sitting in my draw at home with misspelt English) while these days Chinese characters and Chinese culture seem to have an exotic flavour in the Western world which to me is rather amusing. Nevertheless helping my colleague work out a tattoo not only must look cool but also has the meaning he is happy with made me feel somewhat honoured.

After several weeks consultation and consideration, it has been decided to use the Chinese characters “Peace”(He Ping) and “Happiness”(Kuai Le). It will be on his right arm. Now it's been finalised I can’t wait to see his tattoo! Although it’s not my tattoo, I feel excited just the same as it will have my input and my colleague will be wearing it permanently!

Identity Crisis, Or Just Another Dream?

2005-11-22T09:48:00.000+13:00

Waking up from a dream this morning, instead of springing out of bed and getting ready for my morning exercise, I just lay in bed, didn’t want to move. My mind couldn’t wake up from my dream. This world I woke up to suddenly felt very strange to me.

“This is not real!” I was muttering to the man lying next to me.

In my dream, I was in China. I was a friend of my ex-boyfriend, his wife and his family. I paid a visit to his place as I wanted to know how they got on with their baby. I found out that both he and his wife had gone to work but his mother was there. She told me that one of his childhood friend (also my childhood friend) offered to take the baby to daycare and pick her up every day as my ex and his wife led a very busy life. She said that she went to their place during the day to help tidying up the house. She also asked me how my parents were in a very kind way… Later in my dream I was with my parents in my hometown. I met some other childhood friends on the street as I greeted them with a casual ‘hi’ as they cycled past by.

What confused me was: Could this dream be a reality while this man lying next to me, this house in Greenlane and my job in Public Trust were a big illusion? I asked myself. I asked out loud so hubby could hear me. In my dream, I lived in a extended family environment where everyone knew everyone and everyone looked after everyone. There were no barriers and people were naturally connected. The life in my dream felt more real, natural and perfect. In fact, this very life in my dream could have easily been available to me, had I not married a Kiwi husband and moved to New Zealand with him. The life portrayed in my dream was the alternative life I could have had had I not met my Kiwi husband by accident.

“We can always go back and live in China.” Hubby said, understandingly. He gathered I must be home sick.

Was I home sick? I asked myself. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it was more than just being home sick. Maybe it was not home sick at all. Maybe it was just a sudden crisis of feeling the loss of self-identity as I woke up to find that I had no real sense of belonging here. Where’s my root? I asked myself. My root was certainly not in Auckland, neither was it in Wellington or Napier where I lived. I had no childhood friends here as I did not receive my primary or secondary education on this land. By the time I got to know everyone, I was already stamped as a "Chinese married to a Kiwi”. My entire life here, my identity and my self-worth... all seemed to revolve around my marriage hence the reason why I am living here.

With this thought I felt a sudden shivering in my mind. What if I have to live a life of my own one day? Would I still feel the same entrenchment to this land? I remembered what my Asian girlfriend had to say recently when her Kiwi husband told her that their marriage was over. She said to him that her only purpose of living in New Zealand was because of him. Would I say the same thing if I was put in the same situation?

Any Chinese immigrant would know what “banana” means. Banana – yellow outside and white inside, describes how it feels for a yellow-skinned person living in a white society. You speak their language, eat their food, mow the lawns at weekend, abide by their law and live a life like most white people do, yet deep down you know your root is not here and no matter how many years you have lived on this land you know you are never part of ‘them’ in a true sense. On the other hand, when these ‘bananas’ go back to their home land to live, they no longer find their sense of familiarity and belonging either – so much of them and so much within them have changed that, instead of finding 'home' on either side they find themselves permanently in a state of ‘in-between’, floating.

Where am I? Who am I? Where is my home? Where do I belong?

Self Respect

2005-11-20T21:05:00.000+13:00

Recently from my women's group gathering, I received the following words of wisdom as we shared on the subject of 'women and self-respect'. These words are such a treasure I thought I'd just put them here:

Every human being has innate worth.

Part of self respect is knowing my own qualities.

Respect for the self is the seed that gives growth to confidence.

When we have respect for the self, it is easy to have respect for others.

To know ones nature worth and to honour the worth of others is the true way to earn respect.

Those who give respect will receive respect.

The more respect is measured on the basis of something external, the greater the desire for recognition from others. The greater the desire, the more one falls victim and loses respect for the self.

When there is power of humility in respecting the self, wisdom develops and we are fair and just to others.

Everyone in the world has the right to live with respect and dignity, including myself.

Addicted to Exercise

2005-11-19T20:14:00.000+13:00

We’ve all heard it: Exercise is good for us. Exercise recharges our batteries and keeps our weight down, blah blah blah…..but do you know that exercise is also a double edged sword which can have damaging effect?

While most people would not argue that exercise is a very good thing for everyone, as long as we do it properly and in moderation. The problem is, people can become obsessive about exercise and can not stand NOT to exercise. Sadly, I am one of these exercise addicts.

Let me name a few of the symptoms of my exercise addiction:

Symptom 1: Exercise is No. 1 life priority and I am absolutely fixated about it. I keep to my schedule strictly and wouldn’t ‘exchange’ it for anything else such as fun time with hubby. If I did exchange, I would normally feel temperamental or grumpy afterwards.

Symptom 2: If I do not exercise for more than a couple of days, such as long distance flight or drive, unco-operative weather, recovering from illness, I become low, moody and depressed due to inactivity. My self-esteem suffers and my confidence wanes. I feel I am not in control of my life.

Symptom 3: When I don’t exercise, even though I know I haven’t put on weight, I feel fat and unattractive.

Symptom 4: If I haven’t exercised for a while, I tend to increase my ‘dosage’ by double or triple the intensity or duration to make sure I ‘make up the slack’ which is almost self-punishing all the while feeling good.

Although exercise has done me a lot of good over the years, it is perhaps exactly these benefits - a healthy and fit body, a robust outlook together with an unshakable confidence, that has made me addicted to it. Clinically speaking, addiction is a sign of lack of security although I am not sure if I should agree. I had thought that my strict exercise programme is a sign of good habit and discipline until today! During a casual conversation I had with hubby today I said to him that I didn’t understand why I felt so low and depressed. Guess what he came up with! He said that it was probably because I didn’t do my morning run! He was probably joking, but it is then the term ‘exercise addicts’ suddenly came to me. Often we need an outsider to see our problems because we ourselves can't see.

In the meantime (and indeed I need some good excuses), I can easily understand why it is easy to become addicted to exercises. Because the good feelings that exercise brings has a lot to do with the endorphins the body releases which has a natural uplifting effect. Some even call endorphins natural anti-depressant. Once you exercise on a regular basis and constantly feel high from doing it, it is hard not to become addicted! So I am not going to beat myself up and feel guilty about a good habit I have. I know my addiction is only in a minor form. I just need to keep in mind that, even in good habits moderation and flexibility are necesssary otherwise the balance can be lost just the same.

I also think about our healthy eating regime hubby and I have recently adopted. We’ve done a lot of adjustments during this period because of the change. However, there have been a few times that I was quite pedantic about things while hubby felt we were missing the fun and joy of life. He is absolutely right! If health, fun and joy are the ultimate goals, what's the point to be brutal about ourselves as long as we are not too off the track and maintain an overall balance?

The Benefits of Walking

2005-11-18T19:03:00.000+13:00

If you are a Kiwi, you will know that the lifestyle in Auckland is regarded as the most stressful kind in the nation. Think about the population, crowded streets, heavy traffic…

So, after living in the most stressful city for over four months, how do I find it?

I actually find life less stressful compared to my days in Wellington. Amazingly, it actually doesn’t take much of a change to be less stressful. By simply getting rid of one activity - driving, many of daily stressors have gone!

During this period I have driven only three times. Instead, I walk everywhere. I walk to work. I walk to the local groceries. I walk to the parks. I walk to my evening classes. When we do go out say at weekends or on a vocation, or visit someone or some place, I have a personal chauffeur (hubby). *grin*. I do power walk in the mornings, and I have slow walks with hubby in the evenings. I walk to the office using stairs and at work I walk to the printer and mail tray hundreds of times. Although I don’t wear a pedometer, I am sure I would easily exceed the benchmark of 10,000 steps a day.

Now I start to reap some real benefits from walking, one of which I have noticed is that: I am generally not in a hurry! I don’t worry about rush hour which might cause delay in getting somewhere. I don’t have to listen to the morning news about traffic. Red traffic lights no longer cause me any anxiety, and I don’t get irritated with road rages, as I am not part of them!

See, how easy it is to eliminate stress just by changing one little thing! On the other hand, I find that walking is a perfect opportunity to meditate. As I walk, I can look around and observe how vast and pure nature is - the trees, the grass, the wandering cats on the streets, the forever changing clouds, the colour and texture in the sky, the birds and their singing, the gentle breeze in the air, the subtle scent from the flowers... can all beautifully merge into every step I walk and every breath I take, as long as I pay attention. In mindful walking, I find that life is all around me and I am such a healthy, beautiful and robust being, just like the trees, clouds, birds... I don’t need to, nor do I want to, think, imagine, or expect what I am going to become or what‘s going to happen tomorrow or next year. What’s the point to wander away from this moment, if this moment is perfect?

I know, my kind of walking meditation is perhaps not the ideal kind of walking meditation. It’s certainly not the one I learnt at my Buddhist’s teaching, which was very slow in motion, and attention is paid to each foot to great details such as lifting the foot, moving forward, and putting it down. Naturally, I would eventually love to practice that more often.

What Do You Share With Others?

2005-11-16T13:00:00.000+13:00

Let me ask you a question first: do you share garbage with your neighbours?

It may seem a silly question. But I want you to think. If your answer to the question is no, then I want to ask you again: do you share mental garbage with your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours?

I won't try to answer that for you. It’s not easy. But I can tell you that my answer is different from the first question. I know that on this spiritual journey, I too, often do not preach what I believe as common sense.

Last night during my medication, I came to the realisation that I still have a lot of negative thoughts even though broadly speaking I consider myself a very positive person. I don't want to acknowledge my negativity only because I don’t want to be labelled as being negative. Yet so many things I think, say or do are very negative. For example, I complain often since I moved to Auckland that in Auckland there is no 'people touch'. This is of course not entirely true as I do meet a lot of pleasant and nice people. Instead of focusing on the positive side, I focus on the negative side as in my current work place I have less intimate friendship from colleagues than in my previous workplace in Wellington. Another example is that when I chat with my colleagues about current news or work place attitude I still naturally participate and agree with them on a lot of negative things probably as a natural instinct to want to fit in.

What I want to say is, everyday there are too much garbage. We receive it, we collect it, and we share it with others. We even imagine a lot of garbage because we have preconceived ideas about how the situation is and how it should be because of our past experiences. Then we just fix our idea on that and demand that things happen in the way it was or the way we think it should be (like the case in my negative thought about my current work place). Then we make our lives miserable – not only that, when we share that with others, we make others lives miserable too. Just like it's not pleasant to share our garbage with our neighbours, why do we think sharing our mental garbage with others would have positive effect on anyone?

I think about why everyone loves to go to our meditation centre to meditate. We all feel great love and peace here – a feeling we don’t normally feel at home. Why? Because here we share only love, blessings, togetherness, world peace – all the positive things. The venue over the years has collected substantial amount of positive energy as such even a stranger walks in would feel it. Why don't we feel the same at home? Because we talk rubbish, we think rubbish, and we share a lot of rubbish. Most homes have had quarrels, fights, chaos, discord of some kinds and have built up a lot of negative vibrations. That's why we do not achieve the same result in meditation at home.

A spiritual journey is all about self-cleansing. When we sift out the negatives, bit by bit we will become more purified soul. Share only the beautiful things with others so that other souls can be purified too. In purification, we can achieve enlightenment and peace; gain power and wisdom; and have good health and balance in life.

Raja Yoga

2005-11-13T10:30:00.000+13:00

Do you meditate with eyes closed or open?

This may sound a strange question to ask, as most people probably think that a true meditation must be done with eyes closed. It makes sense as when our eyes are closed, our connection to the external world through vision is shut down, so that we can focus on the mind.

At least that was what I understood and practised until I started Raja Yoga a few months ago.

In Raja Yoga meditation, we meditate with eyes open. I must admit that at the beginning it felt very strange. I found it particularly hard to enter a so-called ‘meditative state‘. The main barrier was distraction by the objects in the room, such as the paintings on the wall, the sofa in front of me, the person next to me …. This difficulty didn’t just happen to me. A few other fellow new comers felt the same. It was hardly surprising given that all the meditations we had practised before were with eyes closed.

Things always get better with a little practice and as time goes by I start to get used to this meditation method. Also since the objects in the room are no longer new items to me, they hardly trigger any thoughts now. Although I haven’t advanced much since I first started Raja Yoga, at least I can now sit in the room with eyes open while not be distracted by what I see. It’s like: none of the objects in the room exists. This to me is a big improvement already!

So, what’s the ration behind open eye meditation? You may ask.

As most of us have experienced with the closed eye meditation, one of the common problems is that we constantly have to resist from drifting into sleep especially if the meditation lasts more than half an hour. When the eyes are closed, our connection to the external world switches off, but at the same time we lose our concentration and alertness. Another problem is that when the eyes are closed, we often experience that the latent thoughts rush forth with great vigour. As the case with me, I often found myself drift into a semi-dreamy state where my thoughts were all over the place while I had no control of it as my mind was not fully awake. Meditate with eyes open, we can remain that concentration and alertness.

Another advantage of open-eye meditation is that, once you have mastered it, you can meditate during any time of the day and in any place! In other words, you don’t have to shut yourselves from the rest of the physical world to do a meditation (it‘s not like we can always find a quiet place to meditate at the drop of a hat at any time!). You can meditate at work, during a boring meeting, walking on the street, washing dishes … Isn’t it wonderful, if we can eliminate any thought that comes to us at any time and take control of that thought, remain as we are, and feel light, centred and full?

I like that idea. That’s why I am enjoying Raja Yoga meditation so much at the moment!

Shaky Soul

2005-11-10T12:17:00.000+13:00

I think it’s actually good for our soul if every now and then we experience sorrow, let-downs and disappointments in life. It is at these times we realise we are human. It is at these times we realise that a little compassion goes a long way. It is at these times that we know we can be in control of ourselves under all situations.

When someone treats you in an unkind way, such as being insensitive, aggressive, rude, critical, unreasonable, or unfair, how would you respond?

Depending on the scale of things, most of us would probably be slightly upset; some of us would probably be very angry. Why? Why even that we know these kinds of emotions are not good for us, yet we are so easily caught into these wasteful emotions?

I, too, often get caught into dramas like this. At such times, I like to remind myself of Avyakt BapDada’s wisdom. He said:

If someone gives you sorrow, don’t take it. They may give, but you mustn’t take it. Even if an angry person comes, you just give blessings to him and receive blessings from him because blessings are an easy tool for intense effort.

Magically, every time I tried this method, it seemed to have worked!. Every time when I refused to take sorrow and sent out only my blessings to those who didn’t make me feel comfortable, things always seemed to turn around (sometimes very quickly and sometimes much later) and the tension would ease.

BapDada also said:

Anything that is full doesn’t have any fluctuation. When it is not full, it fluctuates and shakes. Anything that is not completely full will shake.

When our soul is shaky, perhaps it’s time to check how full it is and how much treasure we are yet to put in.

Dieting Smart

2005-11-06T19:53:00.000+13:00

If you have followed my recent posts, you will know that I’ve embarked on a new diet. Basically it’s vegetarian, gluten-free and dairy-free.

This means that I have almost eliminated all meat, dairy products and gluten food and in the meantime I have increased consumption on soy products, fresh fruit and vegetables, nuts and seeds. I also drink lots of mineral water and freshly squeezed juice. It’s been several weeks now and I have actually reaped some benefits already, believe it or not.

A major benefit from this new diet is that I seem to keep my energy level steady throughout the day whereas before I had ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ throughout the day. For example, I used to feel slack and not very alert in mid-afternoon and evenings but now I feel the same alert and energetic during these hours. Accompanied to this benefit is that I seem to have a clearer head now. In other words, my mind seems less ‘cluttered’ and ‘foggy’. It's a nice feeling.

For a person who had never been on a diet before, this is pretty exciting as I get to notice the positive changes. But ...(there is always a ‘but’ even for positive things!)

Yesterday morning I went out for a Power Walk. During the weekdays my Power Walk is usually no more than one hour. Since it was Saturday and I had all the time to myself, I decided to walk a bit further. I walked to the Cornwall Park, and walked all the way up the peak on One Tree Hill. By the time I got home it was almost 9am - I had spent two hours in speed walking! After having some breakfast I felt tired and exhausted and thought I would lie down for a couple of minutes. However, by the time I woke up, it was almost mid-day! I passed out in bed!

This was not my usual self as I almost never got tired like this after my exercises before. As a matter of fact, just a couple of weeks ago I did a walk with similar intensity.

I thought about my recent change of diet and started to wonder if I have done it properly. After all I am on trial and I can only learn by experimenting. I know that in a perfect world, I would like to have a personal trainer and personal dietician to help me to do things correctly. Ah well, back to my reality…

I did some research yesterday on food. I think the problem in my exhaustion lies in the mismatch between my diet and my physical needs, which is probably a common problem for people who go on diet. It’s worth noting that we are all very different. What’s good for one person might not be good for another, depending on age, gender, physical activities etc. I think my current diet may be quite all right say for a monk who does 6 hours of meditation a day; however, it doesn’t seem to provide all that I need considering the amount of physical exercises I do on a daily basis.

I have come to the conclusion that below may be areas where the problems lie:

1. Calcium. Calcium is mostly found in dairy foods. Since my diet has always been low on dairy-food in my entire life, my body may suffer from calcium deficiency. This may also have contributed to my lower-back pain which I’ve had for years although it’s improving.

2. Iron, Zinc and vitamin B12. Since I don’t eat meat, and iron, Zinc and vitamin B12 are mostly found in meat, I am almost certain that I have a deficiency in all these because I have all the deficiency signs which include fatigue, exhaustion and anaemia, especially after intense exercises.

3. Protein. A vegetarian diet and a gluten-free diet side by side is most challenging as protein comes mainly from animal-derived foods. For vegetarians, a main source of protein is from grain products such as wheat, oats, barley etc which all have gluten content. When you eliminate meat and grain foods, there isn’t many food left that provides sufficient protein!

So dieting smart is not as easy as I had thought. It actually involves a scientific approach, a balanced act, good planning as well as good knowledge about oneself. I know that I need to keep learning about food and making adjustments from time to time. Despite a lot of people have doubts as to if a vegetarian diet can provide sufficient nutrition that we need, I believe it’s doable as I know that a lot of Olympic Gold Medallists are vegetarians which proves that it can be a good diet just the same. It’s a matter of doing it in the right way.

I am sure it's a matter of time before I figure out how all the bits and pieces fit in the jigsaw of healthy living. In the mean time, if you have any good suggestions to offer, please feel free to leave your precious comments.

Whatever Happens, It Happens Perfectly

2005-11-02T22:51:00.000+13:00

When I had this dream a few days ago, I sensed that the job I was going to apply was going to be tricky.

It was an internal position which was recently created in my company. During the past five months I was led to believe that I was the most suitable candidate for this role. Not only I expressed my strong interest, I also had a solid technical background this position requires. As a matter of fact, just days before this position was internally advertised, the Manager had discussed with me about this job at length. It appeared to me that he wanted to secure my interest first and the exercise of internal advertising was nothing but a formality.

On the night when I prepared my application and CV, I didn’t feel quite right. Then I had a dream that I was a female sumo who was facing a World-class male opposition. In my dream I tried to avoid my opposition for twenty years because I was afraid of him and finally I excelled and developed self-confidence to confront him. The message from my dream was actually quite clear: I am not ready yet for this job; my time is yet to come!

My intuition was right! It was hard to believe that at a time when the country is facing a ‘brain drain’ and just about every position in the company takes months to fill, five applications were received within two days. Also it was a non-event that all the applicants are suitable or over-qualified for this position!

I had my job interview yesterday. It felt very strange as I had to go through a very formal process with two Managers who I deal with on a daily basis. They told me that they had to adopt a formal process to all the five candidates to avoid favouritism and to ensure fairness, as everyone knows everyone.

I haven’t heard anything from them today. However, I have no doubt that the position has been filled. They have every reason to disregard me, as it’s a sales role, and I have never been in sales! While they might have all the confidence in me before, they would have to be mad to give the job to me while there are other candidates who are already salespeople!

I am a little disappointed with how things have turned out, given so much excitement, anticipation and expectation have been built up over the last few months. This dream job was that close and I could almost smell it! However, I know that I can’t control the circumstances in life and I certainly can’t control the outcome. I believe, however, that: Whatever happens, it happens perfectly! Regardless of my temporary emotions. I have no doubt that better things are ahead waiting for me. I just need to be patient!

Breaking Old Habits

2005-10-29T23:15:00.000+13:00

In order to achieve spiritual health, we need to look at what thought we put into our mind. We need to catch our negative thought patterns and keep them at bay in order to feel light, free, energetic and positive.

Likewise, in order to achieve good physical health, we need to look at what we put into our body. The more you look at what we put into our body, the more we should worry. Over-indulgence in tasty food yet of little or no benefit to the body seems commonplace.

I have never doubted that a lot of our health problems arise from thoughtless eating habits. I know ultimately I would like to be vegetarian, organic, dairy-free and gluten-free. I think two meals a day would perhaps be enough. I believe that a simple life with a simple diet is not only sustainable, but is the ultimate pathway to good health and longevity.

However I also know that I need to be realistic. With thirty-four years of old habits and programming, I am certainly not going to make all the desirable changes overnight!

Although I have embarked on a new dietary regime recently, a lot of habitual activities such as shopping, dining out or holidays can be challenging. If you don’t apply will power and discipline, it’s very easy to surrender to your cravings. After all, healthy food is usually not tasty and tasty food is usually unhealthy. At times when your craving rear its ugly head, have you considered the ‘mute button’ method? Let me explain if you don't understand what I meant by 'mute button'. When hubby and I went to do shopping in the supermarket today, he was hanging around in the bakery section for ages, admiring the muffins and cakes with his eyes wide open and shining. Realising he was not in a hurry to walk away, I pinched him and said: “Honey, let’s put the mute button on!” He awakened from a state of trance and away we walked.

Yes, that mute button can be very useful at times like this. When the mute button is on, everything freezes - you may see something, but you don’t smell, fantasize, or crave. Your mind stops wandering. You regain a sense of self-control. You don’t have to fall captive to your cravings or old habits.

Last week when we went to the beach for a holiday, I also had to use the ‘mute button’ a lot as most food available could not pass my ‘ok list’. Although I had told my mother-in-law not to make any cakes in advance, she still went ahead and made a banana cake and short bread especially for us despite the warning. In all honesty I would rather run a marathon than use that ‘mute button’ in front of the cake! But one must stick to one's rules!

It is said that it takes forty nine days to cement a new habit. While it may take some effort, I know I can do it!

Health Insurance

2005-10-26T21:35:00.000+13:00

In his previous job, hubby had health insurance provided for by his company and the insurance covers the whole family. Over the years we did benefit from our health insurance to some extent. Since he works for himself now, we’ve lost all the perks associated with his job, amongst which included the free medical insurance. Rather than continuing our health insurance at our own cost, we’ve decided to take charge of our own health. In other words, instead of focusing on cure or treatment, we now focus on prevention from illness. Why spend money on health insurance while we can spend the money on a healthier lifestyle such as eating sensible food and drinking quality water? It seems to make sense to invest on ourselves rather than to invest on a company.

Following a recent purchase of a mineral water equipment, our latest investment on health is a juice fountain. It’s very easy to use as it only takes 5 seconds to extract a glass of fresh juice. No wonder I am now a 'juice addict'! For those who hasn’t had a juice machine, I strongly recommend that you make this worth-while investment as it enables you to create a juice bar in your own home. I am sure that you’ll fall in love with it just like I did!

In the picture hubby was apparently enjoying making a fresh juice for his dear wife!

It's Time For Some Beach!

2005-10-24T22:44:00.000+13:00

Hubby and I have just spent a long weekend at our favourite beach. Here are some pictures.

Quick Fix

2005-10-19T19:01:00.000+13:00

Last weekend during the “Visionary Living” expo, I had an interesting experience with the encounter of Qi (or Chi, Ki, energy).

Out of the hundreds of stalls, there was one stall caught my attention immediately. There were three Qi practitioners simultaneously doing Qi healings on three ‘patients’. Some strange sounds were released from their months from time to time with altering velocity which felt kind of funny and amusing. I decided to try this healing therapy. After all it only cost $35.

When it was my turn, one of the practitioners lay me on a table. Apart from a few very gentle butterfly style of bodily contact, the whole 30 minutes or thereabout healing took place mostly by his hand movements along my body (but no contact). When I got off the table, I immediately felt much better. The aches, stress and muscle tightness miraculously disappeared!

Apparently he had unblocked some of my Qi blockage and re-directed my negative energy. When the negative energy is gone and positive energy is retained, naturally you can’t help but feel wonderful. I was thinking: How nice it would be if he had unblocked all my blockages in my channel permanently so that my body would not suffer aches any more!

The next day the aches came back. Nothing seemed to have changed. I was kind of disappointed. I was not disappointed with the Qi practitioner; I was disappointed with myself: How naïve was I to even think that a chronic problem would be solved by a quick fix in 30-minutes? What a shame for even having that thought!

I actually fully understand that a chronic problem usually takes a long time to heal because it takes a long time to develop. We never become fat overnight. It’s the dietary habit and lifestyle we adopt over the years that pile up the unwanted kilos. Similarly, we don’t happen to have ill health or experience constant low energy. It’s the pattern we develop day after day, month after month and year after year on how we breath, eat, drink, sit, stand, walk, sleep and think that leads to the current state of our health. For every problem there is a cause. For every lasting problem, there is a lasting cause. At least that's what I believe.

However, most of us don’t like this notion. We like the notion of ‘quick fix‘. Anything that promises overnight miracle grabs our attention. Our lives are too busy. We don’t have the time required for a long-term cure. Besides, it takes too much effort! It’s too hard! We can’t wait! That’s why all the info-mercial these days offer quick fix solutions. For example, today one of the office girls told me that her coach in her gym promised her that she would lose 20 pounds in 2 weeks if she followed his exercise programme and recommended diet(according to this diet, no fruit is allowed as it contains sugar). She was pretty excited about it as I could tell by her facial expression. I only hope that she achieves her weight loss but I doubt if it's a sustainable and healthy way.

I think the problem these days is that marketing has to sell what people want to hear instead of what they need to hear. Imagine an advert like this: An effective weight loss programme which guarantee a 20 pounds weight loss in 2 years and a further loss of 20 pounds in the following 2 years and by the end of the 5th year you would look like a fitness queen - would there be anyone who buys into this programme? Probably none! Yet this programme may well be a truthful and effective programme which may benefit you for a life time as you learn to master the discipline.

Having a goal is important. Reaching the goal is exciting. Yet it is the journey in pursuing the goal makes us become a better person. It is through diligence, determination, discipline and hard work that we change the very fibre of our well-being. In this way, we literally change on a cellular level; we become stronger, healthier and more beautiful naturally.

Don’t go after quick fixes in life. They’ll never work. Why? Because quick fix violates some of the most basic laws of the universe: cause and effect, sowing and reaping, action and reaction. To want a quick fix work permanently is just as ridiculous as attempting to violate other laws such as the law of gravity. Jump off a cliff, and you’re going to plummet to the Earth – 100% of the time.

A Gluten-free Diet

2005-10-17T22:51:00.000+13:00

We have bought the water equipment. Not surprisingly, the taste of the treated water is much better. Both Hubby and I take our home water to work as workplace is where we drink most water in a day.

Another step we have taken towards healthier living is the adoption of a gluten-free diet. A gluten-free diet is basically an intestine-friendly diet. We have all learnt at school how food is digested and the importance of intestinal lining which prevents toxins as well as absorbing nutrients. The problem with gluten inclusive food is that, they contain ‘sticky protein’ that is artificially encumbered within our bodies to the extent that we begin to ‘gum up’. In simple terms, gluten is a glue. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that if we consume a lot of gluten inclusive food it’ll add burden to our intestine wall to the extent that the intestine wall can no longer effectively absorb nutrients or repel toxins. A lot of common disorder imbalance including anaemia, asthma, arthritis, bronchitis, boils, skin disease, fatigue, flu, menstrual problems, obesity etc can be attributed to gluten although it may not be the only cause.

Unfortunately most of our daily food contain gluten, to name a few: wheat, grains, sandwiches, breakfast cereals, pizzas, pastries, buns, spaghetti, noodles, biscuits, cakes, muffins, muesli bars, crumbed schnitzels, sausages, pie…. Gluten is everywhere!

We are what we eat. Yet under this modern day lifestyle our bodies are unnecessarily exposed to abuse in all sorts of ways including eating whatever is tasty. Good health relies on sensible eating instead of buying into whatever product marketing presents to us. It’s time to take charge of our own lives by eating healthy and living healthy.

It’s not going to be easy in day-to-day life to adopt a gluten-free diet, at least initially. For example, my local super market doesn’t sell gluten-free bread. For certain items we have to look up the Internet to find where the suppliers are. And then we have to learn to read labels. But who can say that this is too much bothering? If we bother to live, we must bother to look after ourselves!

Healthy Living

2005-10-16T08:55:00.000+13:00

I had been posting journals fairly regularly on this blog until this week. Starting from last Sunday, I have experienced somewhat 'burnout' syndrome. Whether it had something to do with stress, exam, trying to do too much, or my change in diet (vegetarian diet), I don't know. It could well be a combination of them all. When I talked to my meditation teacher yesterday, she said to me that it is usual to experience tiredness for the initial period when changing to a vegetarian diet.

That's why I've given myself an Internet-free break. It actually helps. When you think about the hours you spend on Internet, it could easily add up to 10 hours a week. This 10 hours could alternatively be spent on going out for walks, having a stroll in the park, reading a book, or having an aroma-bath, doing meditation, giving or receiving massages etc.

I started to feel much better yesterday. After being to the "Visionary Living" expo yesterday, hubby and I simultaneously agreed that it is time for us to take a more proactive approach to a healthy living which will include regular detox, more self-education on food science and spiritual wellbeing. Talking about food, common sense is that a low fat and low sugar with high protein is a good diet. However, this is just the beginning. There are so much out there which we think is good for us while it's not (perhaps I'll write on these later). Also we are going to buy a water machine which not only filters and sterilises the heavy metals and chemicals in the water but also activates the minerals and make the 'dead' water 'live'.

It’s all about living a life in harmony with nature and create a sustainable future individual and the society. Why am I saying looking after ourselves can create a sustainable society? With the health problem deteriorate worldwide due to our increasingly stressful lifestyles, the health sector is going to cost too much to maintain for a state. Health, is a too important issue to ignore!

Becoming A Vegetarian

2005-10-08T15:06:00.000+13:00

Having considered for a while, two weeks ago I decided to take vegetarian diet. During this period I have been on vegetarian diet most of the time except two occasions. On one occasion, I ordered a fish meal on our holiday because it was easy and handy (I just didn‘t want to be too pedantic while we were on holiday). On another occasion, I added a small portion of pork mince when I cooked tofu (hubby would not eat toufu unless there is meat in it). Having said that, I haven’t eliminated eggs from my diet yet because I still value their nutrition. Also cooking and eating eggs doesn’t seem to cause the dramatic emotional effect on me like the case with meat. But ultimately I think I will eliminate eggs from my diet. As to milk, I stopped consuming animal milk about a year ago. I drink soy milk stead. Not only soy milk is more nutritious, it also tastes much better.

So this two-week’s trial experience has been relatively successful as I haven’t experienced any struggle or difficulties at all. I haven’t needed to test my willpower, as following a vegetarian diet seems the most natural thing to do, just like taking up physical exercises for me. I have never needed motivation to exercise vigorously on a daily basis, why would I need motivation for a new diet if I believe in it?

While I haven’t experienced much changes physically (given the short period), I have certainly discovered something interesting, which is, cooking becomes more enjoyable experiences! I have become more mindful and patient during shopping, preparing for food and cooking. As a matter of fact, I get very absorbed in cooking just by thinking about the nutrition I am going to get from them and playing peaceful music in the background. I love cooking! This finding came as a surprise as I had always dreaded cooking in my entire life! The moment I stopped shopping and processing meat, I became calmer and happier in the kitchen! Amazing!

I think this two weeks trial is a very positive start. While I certainly have no agenda to be a complete vegetarian, I believe it’ll just happen naturally. It seems the God within me wants me to be a vegetarian, so I’ll just follow my intuition and go with the flow.

Karma

2005-10-07T16:05:00.000+13:00

I participated in an on-line forum where someone asked if he would receive punishment as a result from his hating someone. He was somewhat a believer of the law of karma.

Below is my answer. I think they might make sense to some.

Whether you believe karma or not, I believe our consciousness would still tell us what emotions of ours are positive and what are negative. Emotions that make us happy, light, uplifted, inspired and give us sound sleep are positive emotions whereas emotions such as hatred, envy, jealousy…I can’t imagine they can bring us any of those aforementioned feelings.

When we experience negative emotions, it’s not a matter of having reasons and justifications to back up those negative emotions (I am sure we are all very capable of doing that); rather, it’s a matter of "do unto others as you would have others do unto you" as an application of law of karma. If you don’t like being hated, then hating others is just not right. Make sense?

The Universe is pure energy. So are we. Negative emotions such as hatred suck our energy and bring us down. If we are trapped in negative emotions, it’s very harmful to us because we are ‘poisoned’ and ‘de-energised’. Rather than looking for people to blame; the healthy approach is to look inside for answers such as: have we mastered the skill of letting go? Have we learnt the power of forgiveness? Forgiveness doesn’t just mean to forgive our enemies. We sometimes need to learn to forgive ourselves.

Every negative emotion is a learning opportunity for us. The point lies in what we can learn from it in our spiritual growth, as only when we have learnt how to deal with our negative emotions can we achieve peace and true happiness.

Conflicts At Work

2005-10-04T14:06:00.000+13:00

My current role is supporting our advisors in management of family trusts. It is vital that we work as a team and co-ordinate with each other to provide quality services to our customers.

Recently I have discovered a problem in one of my files so I brought it up with the designated advisor (who is a Senior Relationship Manager) in a memo. Several weeks passed, I never received a reply. Instead, I found that the file had gone back to the filing room.

I was not very happy that the Manager ignored my memo. Perhaps he was busy, stressed, under pressure, too many other things to worry about… I decided to take it up with him again yesterday. However, I got a cold reply from him that no action was necessary and that this matter was closed. I argued back based on my experience and training. He told me that all my training had been wrong.

This happened yesterday afternoon. Ironically, this very Senior Relationship Manager had taken me out to a café in the morning to chat about a new job position created in his department. He wanted to know if I was interested as he thought I am the best candidate. I expressed my interest in the position. Naturally I appreciated his considering me in the first stance.

What was I supposed to do? Should I do as I was told, or should I uphold my integrity by fronting the conflict, risking a desirable job I was going to get? I knew I had to choose the latter. I knew that jobs are only temporary. If I can’t work with him, there are always opportunities elsewhere. But being honest with myself matters much more than a job.

I consulted two solicitors in my organisation who agreed with my approach and solution. Since the Senior Manager had already told me that all my training had been wrong, I felt that I could not talk to him on this matter any more. I had no choice but to explain this matter to my boss and asked him to take over from there. Amazingly as soon as my boss took it up with this Senior Relationship Manager, he backed off and agreed to tackle this problem immediately.

Had I burned my bridge? Perhaps. However, I did what my consciousness told me to do. There was nothing I should be worried about. In the face of a dilema like this, I must ask my Higher Self as to what I should do because while the Lower Self might want safety, security, comfort, ego etc, the Higher Self will always want one thing - the truth. I believed that I did the right thing. I held up my integrity. I didn’t need to worry about how others think of me. The important thing is: how do I think about myself?

I received an email this morning. Surprisingly, it was from the Senior Relationship Manager. He apologised for his manner on this matter. Believe it or not, in his email he actually thanked me for doing a good job and said “keep up the good work!”

What have I learnt from this incident? - You just gotta live to the truth of yourself and everything will be all right!

City Of Rainbow

2005-10-03T09:28:00.000+13:00

If you are a rainbow person like me, you better move to Auckland.

Here rainbow is a regular scene. Not only you would see dual rainbows, there are also rainbows at the same time in different places.

When I say “at the same time”, I mean ‘roughly’ or ‘around’ the same time. Obviously I can’t be at two places at the same time. But I indeed saw two rainbows this morning at two different places within the span of twenty minutes walking distance. The first one I saw was from a street near my flat. It was a bright, long, full half-circle rainbow like the other ones I saw from this street before. It had a shadow rainbow parallel to it. It must be normal for a rainbow to have a shadow if it is bright and long (or you just need to be in the right place maybe?) as it occurred to me a number of times.

The other rainbow I saw this morning was after I came out from Foodtown, a supermarket near work. This rainbow was not the same one as I saw earlier as it was in a completely different angle. When I saw the second rainbow within twenty minutes, I thought wow that was amazing!

When I lived in Wellington, I saw rainbows a lot too. Perhaps it’s because I was out and about a lot doing running and walking. Here in Auckland the rainbows are even more spectacular. I’d call it ‘City of Rainbow’.

Weekend Retreat

2005-10-02T18:00:00.000+13:00

One of the great things of living in Auckland is that there are so many weekend getaway places you can go within two or three hours drive, where you can enjoy the beach, ocean, bush walk, friendly town people, gourmet food and the rest of it.

We didn’t do many touristy stuff except taking a train journey on the Creek Railway which combines Art, Conservation and massive civil engineering. We had some tremendous views of the Peninsula and Hauraki Gulf on the train. Today we stopped by at the famous Hot Water Beach where people go with spades to dig holes in the sands to create hot water pools and have a good soak in the water. The rest of the time we were just resting and relaxing, enjoying each other and nature.

It was a weekend well spent. We’ve decided to have weekend retreat like this at least every three months. Next time when we go to Coromandel again hubby and I will go on a boat and do a fishing trip.

Hasn’t someone said that New Zealand is the best small country in the world? I completely agree! Oh, New Zealand is such a paradise!

Time To Get Away

2005-09-30T08:48:00.000+12:00

There is no point to work hard and forget to reward yourself. In the past three months we’ve packed in so much in work, studying, courses and getting to know this city. It’s about time to get away! The decision was made yesterday and accommodation was booked immediately. Yay we are going to Coromandel for a weekend!

Dream

2005-09-28T12:07:00.000+12:00

I had a dream last night about a work file. Something was not right about it.

As I’ve learnt my lessons to pay attention to dreams, I went straight to the filing room first thing in the morning when I arrived at work, and dug out this file. Guess what have I found?

A letter was sitting on top of the file signed off by one of my colleagues dated six weeks ago in letterhead. Apart from the letterhead copy, there was also a file copy on plain paper. I checked with my colleague. He was surprised that the letter has been left on file instead of going out.

“How did you pick this up?” He asked.

“Women’s intuition.” I grinned at him.

True Love

2005-09-25T12:28:00.000+12:00

No one would dispute the fact that the love we receive from our parents is greater than the love we give to our parents.

I believe we all know why: Parental love is the greatest because it is unconditional love. Our parents love us regardless, even when we have made mistakes and done stupid things. They watch us doing things to hurt ourselves yet they never stop loving us. Their love is like an ocean and contains all. Their love is the greatest because they let us be who we want to be and let us do what we want to do.

How much do I love my parents in return? I don’t want to compare. I can’t compare. How can I compare? My love to my parents has always been conditional despite I have always remained close to them and loved them. I love them more when I am in good mood and when I admire them. I love them less when I am in bad mood and when I find flaws in them.

In January I had a ‘falling out’ period with my parents. It happened when I rang home and found myself caught in the middle of a domestic row. When mum tearfully accused dad of some wrong doings on the telephone, I could not stand any more. I told her that I was not interested in their problems and hang up the phone coldly. I was very disappointed about my parents and was deeply hurt. I did not speak to them for four weeks. During this period Chinese New Year passed and they did not receive my greetings.

I eventually forgave them. Perhaps I should say, I eventually forgave myself, as I realised that my love to them was conditional. That’s just not fair! My parents have never done anything to punish me even when I hurt them by messing up my life and doing stupid things. There have been countless times when I was not being perfect yet they still loved me. It was a shame for me to impose a condition on them in order for me to love them. Why can’t I just love, like the way my parents have always loved me, with no conditions and attachments?

We often say: If you love someone, set him free. I thought to myself: if I truly love my parents, I should accept the way they are. They have the freedom to be who they are. They don’t have to meet their children’s standards. It is not up to me to set standards for my parents. Over the years I have always appreciated the greatest asset my parents have given me - freedom to be who I want to be, then why is it so difficult for me to let them be?

I realised that, to truly love someone, we must let go of our desire to control and expectation for perfection. We must learn to accept others, as accepting others means accepting ourselves. If we impose standards on others in order to love, similarly, we should expect others to impose standards on us to give us love - is that the way you want? Is that the way you want the world to be?

Don’t hesitate for a second, just love! Love is the ultimate way to liberate ourselves and love is the ultimate way to free this world from suffering. Love, and you’ll be blessed!

Don't Be Afraid To Dream

2005-09-24T10:10:00.000+12:00

Last week we bid an farewell to a colleague, who has been with this organisation for eighteen years. While it was sad to see him go, he has left much for us to think about.

He did not leave for a competitor or a better paying job. He left to pursue his dream of running his own business. In a private conversation, he told me that his goal is to become a millionaire before 40-years old. As I manage his Trust, I knew his age and financial situation. I knew it takes an ambitious and determined person to have that goal. What makes him a very rare breed was the farewell speech he delivered.

We all knew that he is a very capable person who has a wealth of knowledge and experience in charitable business which would no doubt make him a very successful entrepreneur. However, we did not expect to hear him reveal that his business goal is to raise 50 billion dollar funds for charities, in 30 years time.

Is he ambitious? Absolutely. Is he a big dreamer? Definitely. Is he unrealistic? Maybe, or maybe not. The point is: he dared to dream, and dared to dream big.

Is there such a thing that a dream is too big? I don’t think so. For thousands of years humans had dreamed of going to the moon; and one day we did it! A lot of good things we enjoy today (such as Internet, airplanes) would not have existed if people did not dare to dream of it becoming true. Similarly, if a 50 billion dollar charity has not already existed, to make it happen, someone has to do it. And my colleague has had this dream and is willing to take on the challenge of making it become true. What an inspiration he is!

Don’t be afraid to dream. Unless you can dream it, you won’t become it. In other words, if you can dream it, you can become it!

Finding Resources

2005-09-22T14:36:00.000+12:00

Have you ever worked in a work environment where it is under-resourced?

If you have, which is highly possible in this day and age, you would easily name a few symptoms which are common in an under-resourced environment such as stress, low morale, lack of enthusiasm, unhappy staff and high turnover.

Suppose we run our lives like running a business, what happens if we are under-resourced? What would the symptoms be?

I think the symptoms would be very similar. If we are under-resourced in life, we would feel lack of energy. We would have mediocre relationships and lousy careers. Our health probably wouldn’t be that great. Our energy and motivation would run out long before we finish a project or a goal. We drift along in life and find no sense of direction. We feel stressed all the time and we are unhappy.

At work you know it’s hard to remain enthusiastic about a new idea you generate when you know that no one has time to gauge its merit; it’s hard to be energised when most of the time during work you are putting out fire and doing what’s urgent rather than what’s important; it’s hard to flourish and exercise your talent when you are anchored in an under-resourced environment.

It’s the same with life. Unless we are equipped with adequate resources, we will find it hard all the time. It’s hard to be excited when the resource is lacking.

We must run our lives as if we run a business on the same basis. We must be proactive to attract and maintain all the resources to help us grow. You can start by looking at how you spend your time and what kind of people you associate yourself with to get an idea on what kind of resources you have. How much time do you spend on watching television and internet chat? Do you hang out with friends who always drag you down, or do you hang out with friends who always lift you up? Is the local pub your frequent place to visit? Do you usually find consolation through alcohol and junk food? Ask yourself: what are your resources?

I trust you are bright enough. You know there are many external resources which can help you to get rid of all the symptoms I listed above. But do you know that the most effective and efficient resource is actually yourself? I am talking about your inner resource - the Mystical Master that lies within you all the time; the force that directs you to think and act.

The inner resource is the most abundant resource you can possibly have. But to access It, you must trust It. You must be willing to spent time with It. You must put develop a relationship with It. Don’t let this potent resource go unnoticed and unutilised. It’s too good to miss!

Bonding In A Marriage

2005-09-20T17:04:00.000+12:00

I remember a conversation I had with one of my colleagues years ago. I asked her if she had any children. She said she had one boy. She told me that it was important to have children, especially when one’s husband was away all the time on business so one could occupy oneself by raising children. She also said something interesting which made me laugh. She said that it only took a year or two for a couple to have said all the things they had to say and done all the things they wanted to do as such it was time to have children to create a bonding after a couple of years.

Maybe she was half joking. Maybe what she said was somewhat true. As far as I know, children to many couples are the only bonding. Many couples have nothing else to say to each other if the subjects are not about their children. Children, certainly appear to be a solid bonding in a marriage. But does this bonding really strengthen and nourish a marriage? In other words, are couples who have children enjoy better relationships than childless couples? The answer is no, according to a source I read last year. The source concluded from researches and surveys that, childless couples experience lower divorcing rate than couples who have children. Children, do not make the bonding of a marriage stronger.

I look at my own parents’ marriage and come to the saddening fact that it is true. When we kids were young, my parents were happier than they are now. They had a lot of common things to do together. They talked to each other more. After we have grown up and all left home, it took no time for their marriage to plummet and at one stage they even went to the local marriage registration office to file for a divorce which fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately) did not proceed. While children kept them together for some years, they were never really bonded to each other. This was evidenced by their inability to live a coupled life when there was no third parties.

Bonding through external things such as children is weak and fragile because external things either change, die or come to an end. Happy couples are the ones who share common visions in life and who are committed to each other’s soul development. Bonded in this way, a couple would never run out of things to say or projects to do. Raising children becomes part of their bonding but not the only bonding. When children grow up, they move on to other projects and continue to nurture each other.

A marriage that is bonded through shared values and visions is passionate, creative and stimulating. It provides stability, love, security, laughter, joy and a safe haven. It provides the platform for personal growth and spiritual awakening.

Children, or no children, doesn’t really matter. Always feed each other’s soul because there is always room there for nourishment. The whole universe is bonded through soul connection, what makes you think that marriage should be different?

How To Receive News?

2005-09-18T09:52:00.000+12:00

I seldom watch TV these days as most of the time watching news is a disturbing experience, especially news on weekends which normally include car accidents, domestic violence and some sort of tragedies.

Since most of the news we receive these days are negative, it’s very easy to develop depression, pessimism or anger if we don’t apply a method in receiving news. As we watched the news recently about the devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina, some of us were caught up in the horror and anguish part of the disaster and quickly pointed fingers to politicians to blame.

We listen. We watch. We judge. We act. This is the process for some people. In this process, by the time we reached the stage of ‘act’, it is usually criticism and accusations. As a result, we feel angry and helpless.

Does the above process have to be the only process? I don’t believe so. To me, one important aspect is missing. A better process would be: We listen. We watch. We feel. We act.

It is when we feel that we redirect our emotion and energy to connect to the pain of victims. This connection enables us to emerge as more compassionate beings without getting dragged down into hopelessness and anguish.

The world has been and will continue to suffer natural calamities. No religion or politicians can avoid or eliminate them. Yes if only politicians did this and that the damage could have been less dramatic; the point is, however, we cannot place the entire blame on politicians or those who are directly responsible for various situation; we too must bear some responsibility personally. A positive act we can do in this kind of situation is to think positively about what we can personally do to alleviate the pain. Shouting and complaining is not good enough. If we replace the process of judge with feel when we listen and watch the bad news, we will become mindful of our emotions. We will pass the initial wave of horror and anger and develop a calm mind. Without a calm mind, a doctor can’t perform a surgery. It’s the same with us. A calm mind is the start to positive attitudes and actions. How positive can one be in the face of disasters such as Hurricane Katrina?

While action is a personal thing, there are many things you can do. You can pray or meditate to send love thoughts to the victims. You can raise relieving funds or donate money. You can write a letter to the President, the Mayor or the victims to express your concern, sympathy, support or praise. You may wish to adopt an orphan who lost his parents from this disaster. You may use the news as a reminder to yourself that life is so fragile and short that you must love you family, friends and community in every possible way… When you think about all these positive actions you can engage yourself in, all of which will make a difference to this world, you will not just sit there and point fingers or blame as they are futile actions.

Compassion is different from weakness. It is using our kindness to raise positive thoughts and feelings which give rise to hope, courage, determination and inner strength. It is a pathway to peace and an indispensable requirement for humanity.

Reward In Writing

2005-09-17T15:08:00.000+12:00

I seldom write on this blog about my personal life. If I do, it‘s usually very brief. I have randomly visited other blogs, most of which seem to be personal diaries. Apart from the need to express oneself, I guess writing something about oneself is always an easy start, especially if you are not already a writer!

Up until a few years ago I had kept diaries still. I kept diaries for a little over ten years. Looking at my diaries, most of them were about my love, emotional upheavals or life confusions. Since these days my life has been pretty steady and the days when I experienced emotional upheavals or confusions are almost non-existent, it appears there is no more need for keeping diaries.

I have always refused (or refrained) to write on-line journals or any dramas about life. I believe that life is for living in the now. If you have already lived those moments, why living them again by writing a journal about something already happened, especially dramas? Wouldn't the time you write about dramas or disturbing subjects be better spent if you go out for a walk or listen to some Jazz or soothing music? On the very rare occasions when I did write in a journal fashion, they related to my holidays which to me are moments worth ‘reliving‘. I guess my boss, colleagues and hubby are all correct in saying that I am a very efficient and practical person and deal with no non-sense. While this may be a compliment, I guess the downside is that I’ll probably never become a story teller or a novelist because I have no time for dramas!

These days I think a lot about the meaning of life, humanity and other worldly issues. When you think about these issues, you place yourself outside of your small world and you become a sober observer of life rather than being caught in the drama. You deal with your sorrow, anger, frustrations and dissatisfactions in life differently. You become more patient and resourceful. You become more giving and less self-obsessed. You handle life positively no matter what happens. My writing as a result reflects the transformation I am going through.

While there may be other bloggers who write for readership or popularity reasons, I write for myself. It’s an exciting journey and self-rewarding as I keep gaining power and energy in exploring my soul. I know that popularity doesn't feed the soul, but self-realisation does.

Commitment

2005-09-16T08:55:00.000+12:00

Do you want to have a happy relationship? Do you want a successful career? Do you want to live a fulfilled life with no regret?

If your answer is yes, I have the next question for you: Can you commit yourself to your relationship, career and all the goals you want to achieve?

Last year my former boss retired, seven years before he would receive the government superannuation. On his farewell speech, he said: “I’ve always promised myself to retire early. Now the time has come.” Of course, you don’t just retire early; you must prepare yourself financially long before this day arrives. Once a promise had been made, my boss was committed to it. He made his promise come true.

My husband had wanted to change his career before he reaches forty. This year, at the age of thirty nine, he finally delivered his promise. Again it didn’t just happen. To be able to change his career, he devoted five years in creating a new career path for himself.

I admire such people like my former boss and my husband for their commitment and dedication to life. Once they have a goal, they stick to it and nothing can distract them from their commitment.

Commitment may sound like a big word. To some people, it is frightening. Why? Because they relate commitment to lack of freedom, choices and enjoyment in life.

This is far from the truth. As a matter of fact, if you want to have a successful relationship, career, or other pursuits in life, commitment is the only way to achieve them. In commitment lies true liberation as you turn your visions into reality thus enjoy the fruits of it.

Commitment is not a big word. Commitment is nothing more than a daily action. Without the ability to commit to small things, it is impossible to be able to commit to big things. I started an evening class six weeks ago. Over the six weeks the number of attendees kept dropping until last night there were only three attendees. This class is not an easy one where you go and listen to lectures. This class requires everyone to prepare a speech every week at their spare time and then to delivery it during the next class. It’s hard. But it’s how we learn and improve. From the class, I can see the fact that when the going gets tough, the majority of people just can’t remain committed. They lose heart too easily. They drop out from University or school; they divorce too quickly when their fantasies can’t be met; they hop from one job to another yet always remain unsatisfied… you wonder why.

While success sounds good, smells nice and feels wonderful, it has a price to pay. This price, is the level of our commitment. Our commitment is the money required up front before we get our goods delivered. Needless to say, the higher the level of success we pursue, the greater the price.

Take a look at your life aspects: health, family, finance, career… and ask yourself: how much commitment are you willing to give to yourself to get you to the next level?

Priorities In Life

2005-09-15T08:33:00.000+12:00

The fire alarm went off at work yesterday. In about a minute or two the building was evacuated. While we were assembled at a street corner, everyone seemed cheery. Not a single person was talking about work or appeared stressed from work. I had never seen so many happy and relaxed faces at work.

That’s the thing. When our life is endangered, what was important a minute ago is not important now. No one cares about files, customers or deadlines. It takes a small incident like this to remind people that, in the grand scheme of things what we do in our daily lives doesn’t really matter that much.

We all have priorities in life, be it to complete a course, to get married, to have a baby, to get a promotion, to buy a house, to lose 20 kilos, to have a holiday. I am sure that if our house is burning down or a big earthquake is striking, none of these priorities would matter to us.

While it is necessary for us to have goals and priorities in life, it is important to keep in mind that apart from the temporary priorities we set for ourselves, there are permanent priorities as well. I have at least two permanent priorities if you are interested to know.

My first permanent priority is my physical health. Without physical health, I know that I can’t enjoy all the good things in life, neither can I look after the people I love. If you have visited a hospital or a rest home, you will see plenty of people who are full of kind hearts but live a dependant life.

My second permanent priority is my connection to the world at a soul level. Without this connection, say if disaster strikes and I go to another world, I wouldn’t have many friends. In the soul world our only connection with others is through soul. It certainly helps if we have already familiarised ourselves with other souls during this earthly life. I am not saying that we must become a medium, a physic or a guru to be able to see the dead or the God. I am talking about making soul connections to all the living things, as all the living things have a soul. The sun, the moon, a plant, a drop from the ocean, an animal, and certainly a fellow human being…. they all have a soul.

If we know what’s temporarily good for us and what’s permanently good for us both, we’ll use our time wisely. For example, if it’s temporarily good for us and permanently good for us, we’ll go for it (like exercises, meditation); if it’s temporarily bad for us and permanently bad for us (like throw a tantrum), we won’t bother if we have common sense; if it’s temporarily good but permanently bad (like drugs and alcohol), with self-discipline and strong will, we won’t do it; if it’s temporarily bad but permanently good (like remove an infected limb), we’ll certainly do it.

You see, if we have sorted our priorities list, life can be very simple to live! If we develop the habit of thinking in terms of temporary and permanent priority, there won’t be much to regret later on in our lives.

Clean Yourself Before You Clean Anyone Else

2005-09-14T17:40:00.000+12:00

I used to have a friend when I lived in Wellington. I took a liking to him at first because he is a witty and humorous bloke. But I changed my mind soon after I got to know him a bit more. Being with him was no longer pleasant as he could find mistakes and wrongs in anything and everything, including the food in restaurants, his girlfriend, his parents, his business partner and his best friends. To him everything was not up to his standard and everything seemed to be rubbish.

I visited his home on a number of occasions. His house was like a pigsty. While this may be normal for a bachelor since he lived on his own most of the time and I have no intention to pick on him, I remembered, however, that he told me how lack of atmosphere and warmth his best friends’ place was (the thing is, his best friends happens to be my friends as well and their place to me is quite ‘homely’ and tidy).

Here is the point: there are many people who think they can clean others while in actual fact they are not that clean themselves.

These people, because they have a filthy mind instead of a clean mind, all they see in this world is filth. Because they have so much garbage built in their psyche, they cannot see the purity and beauty of their external world. As we often say: Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. It seems the opposite is just as truthful. These people don’t make things better by cleaning themselves; instead, they carry their germs like a signature and share their germs with their neighbours, friends, families or whoever is around them. More people get ill because of them. The symptoms include fatigue, boredom, distress and headaches.

While my friend may be an example to the extreme, I have noticed that many people like to share their germs with others just the same. For example, we gossip. We tell others that this person is weird and that person is bad. We tell others that this person cannot be trusted and that person is dodgy. We spread our ill thoughts about people around, although most of the ill thoughts are imagined, exaggerated or biased. By spreading our ill thoughts to others, a ghost is turned into reality.

Don’t think or talk dirty about others, as you yourself are not that clean. If people come to you and dump their dirt to you, don’t take it. You don’t need to tell them off either and make an enemy. Sometimes when you tell these people off you give them a forum to defend themselves fiercely and to attack you. A lot of people like this game as they get satisfaction from the attention you give them. However, if you do want to help them, help them with mercy and forgiveness. Help them with love. Give them your blessings in words or in your hearts.

Keep clean! At both physical and mental level. If we are clean, we are less likely to spread illness and diseases around. As a result, people around us become healthier and happier.

Be Yourself

2005-09-14T08:46:00.000+12:00

We often use the phrase “be yourself” to encourage ourselves and others. Why by being ourselves we can get through all the big or small difficulties and obstacles in life while it doesn’t seem to require a lot of effort? Why being ourselves is so powerful?

I don’t think the ‘self’ here just refers to our current state of selves, as our current selves may have a lot of flaws in them, such as: self-loathe, arrogance, discrimination, ignorance, low esteem, selfishness, greed and egoism. These flaws certainly don’t give us power. Instead, I think the ‘self’ here refers to our original self – our innocent child self. Imagine a new born baby opens his eyes for the very first time. What does he see in the world? Does he see dirt and ugliness? Doe he have discrimination, resentment and anger? Does he think he is not beautiful? Does he feel happy or sad? No. He doesn’t have all of these, because the original form of a baby is purity. It is a God given birthright. Purity is a treasure. That’s why 24 karat gold is valuable and that’s why pure water is good for our health. Most of us have almost forgotten that we have this treasure in our original form. If we revert to our original self and make that connection to our God given purity, we will find great power and strength.

Why Do You Want To Become Rich?

2005-09-12T22:14:00.000+12:00

About thirteen years ago, I visited a friend of mine in his flat. He was about 25 years old and worked in the hospitality industry as a PR Manager. When I walked into his bedroom, I noticed a big picture which took almost one side of the entire wall of his bedroom. In the picture there was a red Ferrari, very posh, very showy, very... thought provoking.

I asked him why he chose this picture. He told me that this picture would remind him everyday about his dreams and goals in life. There I saw a very ambitious young man, who understood the power of visualisation.

I have long lost touch with him. These days I sometimes wonder if he has become rich and has owned that Ferrari which used to inspire him; I also wonder what his inspiration would be these days.

While thirteen years ago such an enthusiastic young man was an inspiration for me, it’s clearly not the case any more. I have learnt that, life is not about becoming rich and acquiring luxury materials. Becoming rich is not the end; it is just the beginning of bigger things.

Last Saturday someone in my neighbourhood won a 15 million lottery. People have been talking about it. Of all the versions, over and over again I could hear only one message, which is: what they are going to buy and how they are going to spend on THEMSELVES. It reminds me of a survey that’s been done on the effect of lottery winning to people’s lives. According to the survey, over half of these winners’ lives are ruined by money one way or the other. They either die early, become drug addicts, unable to sustain relationships, suffer from ill physical health or mental disorders etc.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those people who condemn that money is evil. What’s evil, is our deviation from life’s purpose once we have acquired it. We stop working hard and appreciating the ordinary things in life. We stop dreaming the dreams which used to inspire us. We lose in touch with self-discipline and are unsure how to utilise the newly acquired financial freedom. You can easily see that this happens when we treat money as if it’s the end, but not the means to our goals. There is still one important question to answer: what is the purpose of all?

It’s important to define what the purpose is behind money acquiring. Is it happiness? If happiness is the purpose, one must know that the determining factor in our happiness lies not in how much money we have and how we acquire it, but in the MOTIVATION behind it. Is it for satisfying our ego and greed? Or is it for bringing out our best self and sharing our journey, wisdom and wealth with others? If our motivation is the former, we will never be fully satisfied because our ego and greed is endless; but if our motivation is the latter, we will enjoy every minute of the journey as every minute we live we are achieving that goal.

Real happiness is not about becoming rich and keeping it all to ourselves. Rather, it is about enriching the world by sharing our resources and richness with the rest of the world.

Don’t link lottery winning or becoming rich to the car you want to drive or the mansion you want to live in. Visualise the happiness you can bring to this world because of your wealth. There are many things you can do with your money apart from spending on yourself. This world would not exist without sharing.

Attachment to money is harmful to ourselves; yet using the right motivation to create more of it to enrich the world makes this life journey worthwhile.

Where Is God?

2005-09-10T22:20:00.000+12:00

“Where is God?” This question is often asked, especially when trauma or tragedy happens to our personal lives. The underlying meaning of this question is: If God exists, He wouldn’t allow injustice to happen; as long as injustice exists, I don’t believe that God is here with us.

I think about this question a lot. I know it is hard to give an answer, especially in the face of all kinds of tragedies human have to suffer. How to convince the disbelieved that God does exist?

I don’t know. I don’t even want to attempt. I think it’s a wrong question to ask for a start. If there is a fundamental flaw in the question, how can you give an answer?

Most of us have fallen in love, at leats once in our lifetime. When we truly love someone, how do we prove our love? By sending her followers? Taking her to dinner? Making love? Sometimes these work but other times as many of us have experienced, there is no reception signal! The person we madly fall in love with doesn’t feel a thing! You can do all the good things in the world, only to find out that the other end is too blind to acknowledge! This goes to show that, there is no way to prove our love. The only proof is in our hearts.

The same can be said to our connection with God. God may love us, but if we don’t establish the connection with God, we won’t know His existence. Why? Because it is a one-way traffic!

As human race, it is a shame that we don’t remember God’s existence when we are happy. For example, when we receive kind actions from others; when we go binge drinking, when we enjoy sunny days, when we go partying; when we have abundant food to eat; when we enjoy seemingly endless supply of materials … we are too busy to think of God. We think it’s our birthright to have it all.

Yet when disaster strikes and injustice happens, we start to ask: ‘Where is God?’ We are frustrated and angry because when we need God the most, He doesn’t show up! As someone put: If God ever existed, He must be dead!

Now hopefully you start to see the picture. We need to experience sorrow to be motivated to find a connection to God. We are in the belief that our relationship with God is a one-way traffic. We believe that we are entitled to conduct good or bad deeds as we like, yet we only want to bear the fruits from good deeds. The fruits from our bad deeds such as jeolousy, selfishness, greed, anger, killing animals, attacking fellow human beings, thoughtless expansion of industrialising, making and using of weapons… we don't even want to consider!

Why don’t we thank God for all the good things happen to us? Why do we only turn to God when we are in trouble? Because as human, we are greedy and selfish. We want all the best and we are blaming experts if all the best doesn't happen. We don’t want to bear the consequences of our own actions; instead, we always look for someone to blame. When we’ve run out of things/people to blame, we blame God.

Unfortunately our little trick doesn’t work and it never will. That’s why when people in desperation ask where God is, we can’t find an easy answer.

God has give us the best thing He can - freewill. It’s up to us to use it to our own advantage. God must step outside of the realm of human’s deeds, otherwise He would be a control freak! If everytime we've made a mistake and God turns up and rescues us from trouble, how are we supposed to learn?

It’s time to wake up! It’s time to face up the consequences from what we have done (in this life and past lives; in the current world and past centuries). Human race has made a big mess out of our own freewill, and now it’s time for us to tidy up. It may take a few generations, a few centuries, or a few millenniums, but firstly, we must have the courage to admit our mess. The sooner we do that, the better. God hasn’t abandoned us. He is still allowing us to use our freewill instead of withdrawing it from us.

I can’t prove to you that God exists. But my heart feels Him everyday. That to me, is good enough proof!

Finding Inspiration

2005-09-10T09:07:00.000+12:00

When I started writing about two years ago, my goal was to write one article a week until I have finished a hundred articles. At the time I thought this target would be a challenge as I was not sure if I would find enough inspiration to keep the writing going.

Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I have long finished my 100th article, but I’m still going. From this experience I realise that once you have a clear vision of your goal and develop a clear understanding of what it takes to get there, everything else just follows effortless. The means would come to you. I am not claiming that I am the best writer in the world, but I have kept the momentum which to me, is a success. You see, I don’t compare myself to others, I compare my past self to my present self.

Inspiration is behind all inventions, art and positive changes in life. Finding inspiration is easier than what you may think. I realise that the easiest way to find inspiration is by being positive.

We all have a tendency towards negativity and some of them are deeply rooted. If we become aware of our negativity or receive feedback from others about our negativity, we usually have loads of excuses. These excuses serve a good purpose - we don’t feel guilty about our being negative.

I don’t care what excuses you may have. I just want to tell you to stop thinking about all the negatives as soon as possible and start thinking about the positives in life. Unless you shift your perspective, you will continue to find life boring and mundane; you will continue to feel lack of energy and stimulation; and surely you will continue to stay in the same place, feeling powerless and aimless.

Many people find it difficult to find any inspiration in their daily lives. If you ask them what the highlights of the day or the week are, they say “as usual” or “nothing special”. If we don’t pay attention to the details of life and show our gratitude, of course we will not feel inspired and of course there is ‘nothing special‘! However, if you really pay attention in your life, you will be surprised as to how many special things happen to you during a week or a day! I don’t mind sharing you my ten highlights of the week below, just to give you an example:

1). One of my colleagues sent me an email and copied my boss in thanking me for my good work and dedication;

2). Another colleague of mine gave me a mooncake yesterday as a ‘random act of kindness’;

3). My husband told me last night that I am a very kind person for looking after him while he was sick;

4).I was given a cake this morning and a shawl as presents;

5). My friend took me to a the Toastmaster’s club (again) as a guest where I was inspired by some wonderful speeches;

6). A friend of mine sent me a joke on Monday to cheer me up;

7). My will maker told me that he was inspired by my thoughts during the process of reviewing my will with me;

8). I half jokingly told my husband that I might have put on weight and my weight goes straight to tummy. He said to me that ‘I’ve never seen any tummy that is flatter and smaller than yours in my entire life!’ which made me laugh;

9).A friend of mine after reading some of my writings commented in his email “I read your dream journals and the death article you wrote and your comment about karma in my article. The more I read about your thoughts, the more I appreciate them. Great going!”

10). My tutor in my speech class said to me that she liked my ‘personal touch’ in my speeches.

...

I can go on and on about the positive things that have happened in this week. You see, it’s not that hard to find them at all! It’s the same old saying: Seek and you’ll find! There is no shortage of positive people and shining moments in your life. You just need to focus on the positives and appreciate them. Sure, there are many negative things as well in this world. But those negative things don’t give you any inspiration, why dwell on them? If your glass is half full, why do you want to think it’s half empty?

Build a shield around yourself so that you can protect yourself against all negative people and your own negative thoughts. When you surround yourself with positive people and positive thoughts, your inspiration would never ever run out. Guaranteed!

Change The World By Changing Yourself

2005-09-07T19:59:00.000+12:00

There are so many problems in this world: natural disasters, poverty, incurable diseases, people killing people…When you turn on TV, you will find that most news are negative news. You might have pondered these questions many times already: what on earth is going on and where is the world leading to? And how can we change the world?

Do we change the world by toughening laws and locking all the criminals away in jail? Do we change the world by sending troops to other nations and using weapons to help them? Do we change the world by condemning and cursing the evil and immoral? Do we change the world by becoming politicians or church leaders? Do we change the world by criticising, complaining and hating? Do we change the world by attacking our opponents and teaching them a lesson?

These are what’s happening. These are our solutions to the worldly problems. So many people want to change the world, yet so many more problems have been caused due to these actions.

We are all part of the big family. Many of us are genuinely concerned about the worldly issues. Most of us have a sense of personal responsibility and individual initiative to want to make the world a better place. However, for you and me - the vast majority of the population, what practical and constructive things we can do to help the world become a better place?

There are actually a lot you and I can do to change the world. Before I explain it, let me share the following story with you first.

Christina is my new colleague who joined the company about two months ago. Although this is her first paid job since graduation from University, I’ve learnt that she had had a wealth of working experiences already as a social worker.

Last week I happened to find out that she sponsors the education of an eight-year old girl in India under the ‘World Vision’ programme. She is only twenty three years old and has just embarked on her first paid job, yet she’s been a sponsor of that India girl for five years!

What an inspiration! From Christina, I’m sure you can see how you and me can change the world. We don’t have to be rich and powerful to influence hundreds and thousand of people to change the word. By giving hope to one person, we are changing this world! While all of us may wish to put an end to all problems; the most realistic thing to do, is to put our love thoughts into action! There is no use to think globally if we can’t act locally! Without action, everything is lip service. A train load of intellectual analysing and criticising about global issues wouldn’t make a damn difference to the world unless someone does something about it like Christina did!

We can’t change the world. But we can, change the world by changing ourselves. If we want the world stops suffering, we must know how to stop our own suffering first! If we hate violence, terrorism and wars, don’t use abusive languages to people around us and don’t start a war at home! If we want to stop poverty, create wealth for ourselves so we can take good care of ourselves rather than receiving government’s assistance or subsidy! If we resent the climbing divorce rate, feed nutrition constantly to our own marriage! If we don’t like to see people suffer from incurable disease, take good care of your own physical health so you don’t become one of them! If you want to stop one nation from coercing another, be kind and humble to your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours! If you don't want to see your country's economy collapse due to huge fiscal deficit, don't get into personal debt!

By loving our own parents, we extend our love to all parents; by loving our own children, we love all children; by showing respect to a stranger, we show respect to all strangers. We are a tiny drop in an ocean, but we are ocean; as without drops, there is no such a thing as ocean.

If we change, our world changes. By changing ourselves, we change the environment around us. Don’t complain how dark the world is; light a candle! There is always something we can do, to make a difference. God doesn’t expect us to change the world, as He already has his own plan about this world. But He probably does expect us to take good care of ourselves, solve our own problems before we have the ambition to solve His problem - the world's problems.

Temptations In Life

2005-09-06T22:01:00.000+12:00

We are very fortunate to live in this age and have such a wide selection of choices in almost everything in life, compared to any previous generation. However, do we appreciate our fortune? Do we appreciate the choices and opportunities we have? Are we happy?

Apparently not! Otherwise we wouldn’t have more and more stress-related health problems, increasing divorce rate, and climbing youth suicidal rate. It seems the more capable we are in satisfying our physical needs, the more unhappiness it creates. How come?

This is because, we have created so many temptations in life! If you turn on your TV, every eight minutes there is a three-minute long commercial telling you what you don’t have. If you check your mail box, there are stacks of mail sitting there already claiming they can satisfy a need which you may have never thought of before. Everyday there are new gadgets, new products and new services which promise can improve your life. How can you ever have enough, and how can you ever be happy, if you are reminded day after day that you life is always lacking of something?

Temptation creates desire, and desire leads to unhappiness. If we don‘t control our desires, we become unhappy because we lose freedom to be ourselves and become slaves of desires. An example would be getting oneself into debt to buy a fancy gadget by willingly relinquish his freedom (to a certain degree) to his bank. Don't get me wrong. I am certainly not against owning any possessions so long as you have earned it in the first place. Neither am I saying that the world is evil in letting us have choices from abundant supplies. However, there should be a limit. There should be a degree of self-control. Like a smorgasbord dinner, you can’t have everything no matter how delicious they all taste, otherwise you'll only get stuffed and suffer from self-indulgence.

While it may be a fact of life that temptations are created everyday, there are many things you can do to control your desire and resist the temptations. You can ignore the junk mail, for example. You can spend less time watching TV so you are less exposed to its commercials. If you do watch TV, still you can put the mute button on when the commercials start… Without these self-control measures, they are going to control you! They can steal your time, thoughts, energy and money, all of which are previous assets of yours.

When you make a purchase, pay attention to your motivations. Are you buying a new car primarily to satisfy your self-ego, or are you buying it for safe transportation? Do you really need the latest model of cell phone because you want to be trendy so that you can show off? If you are in the sales industry, you will have learnt that two human emotions are usually provoked: greed and fear. For example, lottery ticket is motivated by greed, and insurance is motivated by fear. Any decisions motivated by greed or self-ego cannot create true happiness because they can only give your temporary gratification and it’s a matter of time before a new desire emerges and makes you feel lacking again until you satisfy that desire.

Be aware of the temptations in life! What you really really want now may serve little benefit in the long run. The most trendy and enduring possession you can ever have is a pure heart free of desire and full of love. This heart will never be out of fashion, and will never disappoint you.

A Blessing

2005-09-05T12:52:00.000+12:00

I had booked an appointment for my annual eye exam at 8.30 AM today.

It’s my first appointment with an Optometrist in Auckland. I had no idea how to get there. My husband kindly volunteered to be my chauffeur.

We had no problem in finding where the Optometrist was. After we parked our car some 10 metres away from the Optometrist, we noticed that we arrived early – it was only 8:00 AM. We sat in the car, chatting.

Since we had plenty of time, my husband thought that it would be a good idea if we move our car a bit closer as he saw a car park right in front of the Optometrist.

He turned the keys. But the engine wouldn’t start. It looked like the car had a flat battery. The battery caused us some problems yesterday when we went out for a drive. As a result, my husband put the battery in charge over night. While we had no problem in starting the car this morning, it looked that the battery had had it.

We spent a couple of minutes trying to restart the car, but in vain. It looked like we had to ring our insurance company for help. My husband was a little worried that he might miss his 9.33 AM train. He had a few important things to sort out at work today.

We gave up trying, and sat in the car, having a moment of composure. My husband said to me: ‘It looks like there is a garage ahead, next door to the Optometrist... Actually, there is a sign outside...’ He read out the items on the sign which describe the services the garage offers. The list didn’t include battery. We were a little disappointed.

He got out of the car and went to the garage to check. When he came back, there was a garage worker with him. The man opened the bonnet and had a look at our battery. He said that he could replace it for us. Yay!

By the time I had my eye exam done; our car had a new battery and was ready to go! Awesome!

I couldn’t believe our luck today. How many times do you find a garage next door to an Optometrist?

Perhaps not that many!

We were blessed!

Is Buddhism Too Negative For You?

2005-09-04T23:01:00.000+12:00

I remember clearly that when we were first introduced Buddhism in my textbook of world history, Buddhism was portrayed as a very negative religion. It said that according to Buddhism, life is suffering. I don’t remember any positive points mentioned about Buddhism, and the word ‘suffering’ has since been deeply planted in my innocent young heart. While I achieved high marks on history, only until recent years did I realise that my communist education about this religion was severely misconstrued. (of course, the only positive ‘religion’ we were ever taught, is Communism.)

In my previous job, I had five colleagues who are Thai. Luckily I get on extremely well with all of them. Perhaps I should be more accurate: they got on extremely well with everyone in the company (note there were 140 staff). I noticed that whenever the Thai girls were around, the whole atmosphere changed and people started to joke and laugh together. The Thai girls were like ambassadors and angels. It had been an tacit rule that in that department, they only recruit Thai girls and it’s done by word of mouth.

I visited Thailand two years ago. While I do not claim that I am a well travelled person, but I must admit that in all the places I’ve been (including the very civilised and wealthy nations), I have never, ever seen so many happy faces on the street, in the restaurants, and everywhere else. I’ve heard that 97% of population are Buddhists in Thailand. I thought about my textbook about Buddhism and pondered: if Buddhism is such a negative religion, how come people in this country all seem so genuinely happy? Why are they not suffering?

Last year, I started a meditation course. The teacher was a European monk. It was the first time I got to learn some ABCs about Buddhism from a Buddhist. A few months later, not only did I adopt a more positive life attitude, I became a happier person as I learnt how to attain peace in life.

From my limited encounters about Buddhists, I have come to the conclusion that: not only it’s not a negative religion; it is very enlightening!

Then, why, does it tell people that life is suffering? Why doesn’t it sing that life is happy, happy and happy?

I believe that all of us have experienced pain, losses and sadness since a very early age. Pain and suffering are universal phenomena. It is something we cannot avoid in this life time. By accepting that suffering is a natural fact of human existence, Buddhism teaches how we can discover the cure for it. Without acknowledging the existence of our problem, our problems certainly will not go away. Say if you go to see a doctor when you feel unwell, how can your doctor treat you without pointing out to you what exactly the problem is? Would you blame your doctor for being negative by telling you that you are ill?

Once we can accept that life is suffering, we can start to deal with it head on. Buddhism teaches that if there is suffering, then we must find the cause for suffering; if there is a cause for suffering, then there is a pathway for us to choose to eliminate our suffering and ultimately, to end our suffering. The pathway, as taught as the four noble truth, is where the richness, wealth of wisdom and knowledge lie. When our suffering ends, naturally we work ourselves towards freedom, peace and happiness. This path, when you take it as a whole, is far from pessimistic. In fact, they're a practical, problem-solving approach.

I now realise that, the way my textbook portrait Buddhism was as if suffering is the beginning, suffering is the end, and there is nothing we can do in between. When it is construed that way, of course Buddhism is a very negative religion.

I wonder if my history textbook has since been changed.

What To Do If You Are Bursting With Inspiration?

2005-08-31T19:48:00.000+12:00

Last night in my meditation group, we had some interesting discussions.

A few of us shared some common experiences since we’ve been practising meditation. These experiences include: the world in our eyes is so much different now; what took our interests before just becomes boring; and what was boring before now becomes interesting (such as being with oneself). We’ve noticed the change of attitude, world view, and consciousness in ourselves. However, there appears to be one common problem, which is: we are bursting with ideas and thoughts and become more eloquent on a lot of subjects. While this may not be a problem in itself; however, we find it hard to contain it all to ourselves, and we want to share! Again this may not be a problem in itself. The problem is: when we see other people still talk and act in the same old negative way, we want to help them! Again, this in itself may not be a problem. But in the process when we try to share our own opinions, we often find that this only leads to alienation of ourselves from our friends, colleagues and closed ones. Firstly, they think you are strange. The next minute, you both know that you don’t fit in any more as there is less 'common' languages.

Obviously this is not what one desires to achieve from meditation! As the ultimate goal from meditation is to find peace. By alienating ourselves from others, is certainly not creating peace.

I think this just brings up a very old issue of human being: we are so ego-driven! While we may have the best intention in the world (such as wanting to help); however, often we don’t know what’s the best way to help. In the name of helping, we often become critics because unconsciously we think we are better, wiser, or superior. We think we've embarked on a self-growth journey and have overcome a few obstacles and weaknesses, if shared, others would be enlightened. Still there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is, when wisdom and ego go together, it can become dangerous. It can create resistance on the helpee and frustrations on the helper. Tension can build up and destroy peace. This doesn't just happen to our interaction with people around us. Look at human history, how many wars and terrorisms were launched in the name of God? Although it’s easy to blame God, but the truth is: God never divides the nations, it’s human’s ego!

Everything in nature has its own cycle. when the cycle reaches a certain stage it will naturally initiate a change. Likewise, we all progress our lives in a schedule that suits us, most likely according to our experiences and stages in life. Nobody likes to be imposed on a learning programme when they are not ready. Sometimes the best way to help is to let it be, unless you are in the profession of helping people (say you are a counsellor or a therapist of some sort). In that case, people would come to you for help instead of the other way around!

When we have grown, and find our old friends uninspiring, instead of staying in the same group and feeling unfulfilled, we can start making new friends who are like-minded, so we can have more fulfilled friendships and inspire each other within that group. By staying in the same place and wanting it to change only causes frustration which certainly disturbs the peace.

Now coming back to the problem I mentioned at the beginning: what to do if we are bursting with inspiring thoughts and want to share?

My suggestion is: we can start writing! All of our thoughts can be expressed in writing. We don’t have to share our wonderful and exciting journey with the whole world. We can however share our thoughts privately (such as keeping a diary) or publicly (such as publish articles on line, or publish a book). Like-minded people will find you, one way or another, and share your thoughts and inspirations. From my own experience, the most fulfilling expression is in my writing. It’s a very intimate exercise, and it’s certainly very rewarding. I don’t need to go and look for an imperfect human being and tell him that he needs to improve. I just focus on improving myself. By improving myself, I am sure the world is a better place.

Life Is A Journey

2005-08-29T21:13:00.000+12:00

I started keeping dream journals about two years ago. I am amazed at the amount of information and insight our dreams can reveal about ourselves. Over a period, I can almost identify a pattern, a trend and some common traits in those dreams which I know constitute my unique self. My dream journals is like an autobiography about myself. It tells all.

Today I was reading ‘The Complete Book of Dreams & Dreaming’. It’s thick book and has 666 pages. I read it from the middle (I seldom read a book from beginning to end). It talks about journey in our dreams. I was fascinated with what it has to say, as I’ve done so many journeys in my dreams. The book says:

The image of a journey is a very potent one in dream work. Any time the idea of a journey becomes apparent, it is to do with the day that we carry out our every day lives and how we move forward. Every step that we take towards understanding ourselves and the world we live in can be pictured in terms of a journey, and the dream that a person has reflect that movement.

The sense of having a complete journey - arriving home, touching down and so on - indicates the successful completion of our aims. The destination, when it becomes apparent, will give some ideas about the aims and objectives we have. Our declared hopes and ideals may not correspond with those we subconsciously have - our inner motivation may be totally different to our outer behaviour - and dreams will highlight this discrepancy. The exact nature of our objective is often not known to us until after we have confronted our obstacles and challenges along the way. It is often enough just to have an aim for that particular section of the journey.

I have perhaps done more journeys in my dreams than I have in real life. My dreams have taken me to China, Hong Kong, Macau, Japan, Europe, Indonesia, London, Los Angelas, New Zealand and some exotic places I couldn’t identify. In my dreams I have travelled by bus, taxi, train and boat as well as on foot. Very interestingly, it seems the most popular transportation in my dream are bus journeys. Just to show you how I made my bus journey in my dreams, I’m quoting the following which is extracted from four different dreams, all associated with bus (bear in mind I haven’t taken bus for years in real life!!)

We were on a coach bus with a group of tourists. We sat at the front row in the bus on the left. There was a pair of ‘love birds’ sitting on the right front row. They were in their late teens or early twenties and appeared very much in love. They both wore a white T-shirt and green middle length pants – a very relaxed, harmonised and synchronised scene. We started talking to them, and found they were Chinese. We felt very comfortable with them after chatting away and decided to team up for the rest of the holiday journey with them, together with their baby - a big black Labrador.
(My dream journal dated 13 August 2004)

When I rushed out of my house into the street, I saw the coach bus with a full load of Olympic delegates driving past me. I waved at the bus and yelled for it to stop. The people on the bus saw me. The bus took a U-turn in a couple of minutes and stopped to pick me up. I got up the bus. There was only one seat left. Phew! What a fright I had that I almost missed the bus and ruined my chance to go for the Olympic Game!
(My dream journal dated 7 September 2004)

The bus turns up. But no way all the people can get on the bus. With the help of the two traffic police, people are lined up in a queue. But what a long queue! As the bus is already almost full, someone comes up with a creative solution, which is, to add an extra carriage to the bus. It turns out that this added part is a container-like carriage. We have to climb a ladder to get onto the carriage.

I am the first one in the line. By the time I get to the top of the ladder the bus has started. I look underneath and see my husband is right below me and a few other people still hanging onto the ladder. I am most surprised that in London a bus should take off with people still on the ladder.

The carriage is enclosed at the top, front and both sides . As I am facing the front, I can’t see anything. Suddenly I realise that I should pay attention to the streets sceneries since it is the first time I am in London. I manage to climb over the ladder and get into the carriage, and turn myself around so I could see the streets.
(My dream journal dated 22 July 2005

I walked to a taxi stand. God knows how many people were there queuing. By the time a taxi stopped in front of me, I had to push my way to get on cause there were so many crowds coming from nowhere trying to get on as well. Well I couldn’t care less as long as I got mine!

Several people got on the taxi as well. Well, it was not a taxi after all. It was a mini bus. I thought it was strange that we got a bus at a taxi stand. But never mind. I was letting the bus take me anywhere. I trust my intuition that the bus would somehow take me to the hotel.
(My dream journal dated 18 June 2005

According to the book:

A bus journey is the part of our lives where we are conscious of the need to travel and to be with other people. We perhaps have a common aim with them. Trouble with timetables, missing the bus, arriving too early, missing a connection. This means we are not in control of our lives and perhaps should sit down and replan how we wish to continue our lives. Getting on the wrong bus, going the wrong way. There are conflicting desires and we need to listen to our own intuition. This is usually a warning of a wrong action.

Looking at my dreams, none of them is bizarre. The bus trips in my dreams as quoted above, for example, are perfect manifestations of my reality - everyday, I embark on a journey, going towards a destination. In every journey, I interact with people. My bus sometimes arrives in time, sometimes not. I sometimes meet pleasant and interesting people on the bus, sometimes I don’t. Still, my journey continues. It appears that my inner journey (as manifested in my dreams) dances with my real life journey.

Why do my dreams take me to so many different places? This is because, I have never believed that I have limited means to be able to travel around the world. I have never believed that the world has limited scenery for us to experience and enjoy. I have never doubted that my dreams and goals are beyond reach. When our beliefs are colourful and limitless, so are our dreams. Our body, mind and soul are forever dancing together - at least in this life journey.

Nanny And Turtle

2005-08-27T22:16:00.000+12:00

What has a nanny got to do with a turtle? You might ask.

Everything! After reading the following story, you'll understand why.

My 11-year old nephew Ray has always been an animal lover. He’s had cats, ducks, golden fish and turtles. If he is not living in an apartment, according to Joan, my sister, he would have had dogs.

At the moment, his pet is a turtle. Sadly ...

Last night Joan came home from work. To her surprise, she found that her recently employed live-in nanny was having dinner already, which was most unusual.

‘What are you eating, Ma?’ She asked.

‘Oh, I should tell you that the turtle died. I must have overfed this poor thing… I’d given it a lot of shrimps. And the next minute, it was dead!’

Standing there and watching what was in Ma’s plate, Joan started to shiver.

‘I thought that turtle is very nutritious, so I cooked it... It‘s very tender, do you want to try some?’

Stunned and speechless, Joan was still trying to comprehend what had just happened to his son‘s pet. This morning, the pet was still alive and now, it’s dinner...

Although a little upset, Joan knew that the important thing was to find a solution, rather than getting angry. Besides, it took her a lot of trouble to find this nanny from another province. she asked Ma to imagine what Ray would react when he returns home and finds that his turtle is no longer here.

Ma seemed suddenly realised that the turtle she was eating was actually a pet of her employer’s. The 52 year old nanny from the countryside started to worry. Very quickly she found a solution and offered to go to the market the next day to hunt for a replacement turtle. She was quite clear with the criteria of this turtle she would be looking for - a similar sized one, so that Ray wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.

Fortunately, Ray is having a holiday in Yu Nan province at the moment with his father and won’t return home until next week. At least she’s got some time to sort it out.

I was quite amused and couldn’t help laughing, when Joan told me this story today on the phone. At the time we were talking on the phone, she told me Ma was out hunting for a turtle. They’d already worked out a lie to Ray, say if the new turtle is bigger and Ray asks questions. They would tell him that the turtle has really grown during the short period he’s away, which he would probably believe.

‘What if the turtle is smaller?’ I asked, out of curiosity.

‘We’ll tell him that the turtle has given birth to a baby and died during labour. But the baby survived.’

...

I haven’t heard a joke like this one for a while, which made me laugh my tears out.

By the way, here's a picture of Ray. It was taken last year while he was in New Zealand. His two articles: 'My holiday in New Zealand' and 'My aunty's cat - Coco' were selected and published in a children's story book.

A Small World

2005-08-27T08:48:00.000+12:00

Here is a story about how small the world is. I am sure we all have such similar stories to share. It’s a story from my friend Gary.

I think it was one Saturday I went for lunch at an Italian restaurant in Zhongshan.

A young Australian lady started to talk to me, after only say 15 minutes or so I discovered that she had been a trainee policewoman in the little town in England where I had just moved to SEA from.

Then even more amazing, one of my very best friends, my scuba diving buddy, who used to be a policeman too, had been her senior at the police station. How bizarre, I meet somebody in a little bar in China from the other side of the world, half way round the World who used to work with my best friend in England.

Is that weird or what? The lesson of this story is that the World becomes a smaller place by the day.

Similar story, I met a young children's nanny on a flight from Chicago to Birmingham, she was in the same school class in England and knew my niece - very small World indeed.

Unity Is My Politics

2005-08-26T19:35:00.000+12:00

Last night at my Public Speaking evening class, we did some instantaneous semi-debate speeches. With the General Election coming in a few weeks, you can imagine what the topic was. Without having much time to think and prepare, I debated against the General Election. Here’s what I had to say in summary:

Voting is a turn-off for me. Voting to me, seems to do more damage than good. Voting, promotes divisiveness of the nation rather than peace and unity. Because when you vote for one party, it implies that you vote against all other parties. Since each party is focused on looking after particular groups of people’s interest and tackling particular aspects of the overall societal problems, when we vote for one party, inevitably some people’s interests will be compromised and some aspects of the societal problems will remained untackled (at least not with priority). May I ask: what determines which party you vote for? As far as I know, the determining factors are our personal interests! In other words, we think about what we can gain from that party.

What about what we can give? And which party is promoting that? None. To me, all parties are promoting that we should be selfish and should be focusing on what we want and what we need. And they, as they promise, can give us all that we want.

No party has an vision of bringing people together so everyone in the nation is passionate about and genuinely believes in giving and sharing, which is what humanity is about. As a result, I am against General Election.

Yesterday, I wrote a journal titled 'Peace is my religion'. Today, let me give this journal a collaborate title: Unity, is my politics!

A story from Joan

2005-08-26T08:54:00.000+12:00

My sister shared with me the following story in her email. I thought it was a brilliant story so I'd like to share with you.

It seems that destiny is doomed. You know about a year ago before Mum went back to home town; I took her to a trip part of which included visiting a temple. We arrived at the temple on the top of a hill and were waiting for other tourists. A monk came and talked to me. He told me something about my past, future, etc. You know I never believe that sort of things. I only believe in myself. Now one year later, I start to form different opinions about what the monk said to me at the time.

I remember he said that I would go to the southeast orientation, and I should be careful with black man, and I will immigrant to New Zealand someday ... You know at that time I had no intention to change my life. I was also amused: how would I ever meet black man? No way! Strange enough he mentioned New Zealand. At that time I had just had a holiday from New Zealand. Of course I didn’t tell him that.

Shortly after my meeting with the monk I got a call from a lady, someone I met during a training course. She told me that one of her friends was recruiting a HR Manager for a new company and asked me if I would be interested. The rest as you know, I joined this company.

You know the company is to the South-east of my home. In this company, I get to see and work with so many dark skinned employees I’ve never seen in my life. Only now I start to think about what the monk said to me. It’s like he already saw my future.

Now the story comes:

Amongst the dark people (about 12-14 ), one guy is very black. He is also a very big man and looks almost like a black monster. He is an American Sri Lanka. Unfortunately he is one of those very difficult people. Everyone hates him and is afraid of him.

Because he has the power, he blames everybody without any hesitation and reason. Nothing pleases him and everything seems to irritate him. The anger between him and us just carries on and on. The same drama keeps being played.

Fortunately I'm coached by our CEO, a very wise man. I am very aware of how to avoid the escalation of conflicts between him and me. Still, this black man has never stopped cause me problems. When my phone rings and it is him, my heart would sink and my smile would freeze instantly. I know I must have done something wrong again…

Until one day I couldn’t take it any more. I burst out like a volcano. I had a huge fight with him. My voice was so loud that the whole office could hear. Yet no one was bold enough to interfere our fight or help us sooth down. I can’t remember what I said but I bashed his table and threw documents… The CEO, my boss, happened to be out of office on that day.

The following two weeks nobody in the office mentioned a thing about our fight although I was sure everyone heard it. I was not sure if my boss knew of this. I guessed so. Perhaps he hadn’t had a chance to talk to me about this.

Meanwhile, the cold war between me and the black man continued. We never talked in person. We tried to avoid any contact at all if possible. During our daily morning meetings where we must be in the same room, sometimes our eyes can catch each other, we would quickly move our eyes away...

I reported to our CEO about this incident eventually, and expected him to come back to me with some sort of a solution. But no. This case seems to have been dropped. I was aware that he didn’t want to blame either me or the black man. We are like his left and right hands. He couldn’t do without either.

After much consideration, I decided to write a letter, to my enemy. I am glad I did.

Now we are closer than ever. This doesn’t mean my enemy is a changed man. He of course still uses his same old way to talk to me and anyone. But I have learned how to deal with him now. If he uses professional words, then my response is professional; if he talks like in a dream, then my voice sounds like I am not awake; if he is crazy, then I'm drunk...

Despite the improvements, he still never gives up any chance to attack me. I, of course I always kick the ball back. One day he asked me: ‘Why do you always fight with me?’ My answer was: ‘Why do you always want hurt me?’ Then I smiled. So did he. Our fights continue, just in a more artistic way rather than a direct explosion.

Yesterday it rained really hard. I received an urgent call from this guy. Before he said a thing, I knew it must have something to do with the leaking problems we’ve had every time it rains. As usual, I dropped off everything, and rushed to his location. I examined the situation, talked to a few people and made some arrangements to fix the problems. All the time I kept smiling.

He knew what my smiles meant. He had boasted so many times before about the building project of the factory he was in charge, and how flawless the building is. He always claimed himself as an unquestionable expert on building projects…

He smiled too, and said to me: ‘you know, Joan, I never expect that everything is so different in china. Not only the ladies, but also the water. You know, in our Sri Lanka, when it's raining, the water is just like shower to the roof; but you China, the water is like arrow, unbelievable!!!’

Hope my story is interesting. Good night!

Joan

Peace Is My Religion

2005-08-25T15:41:00.000+12:00

Believe it or not, we all come from the same place.

We might be Asian, Hindu, or European; we might be professors, teachers, engineers or salesperson; we might be children, adults, retired or elderly; we might be male or female; we might be parents, children, uncles, or sisters-in-law… whoever we are, we are not innately different. Not a bit. We all come from a place which has all the beauties you can imagine. It’s a place called bliss and heaven. In this place every being is a combination of love, happiness, peace, purity and wisdom.

How come we have become so different? How come we have so many problems, conflicts, hatred, unfulfilled desires and unattainable dreams?

This is because at some point, along the journey, we have abused our innate beauties God gave us. We lost faith. We didn’t believe these qualities were good enough. We didn’t believe God had given us all that we needed. Love becomes lust, purity becomes greed, happiness becomes attachments, peace becomes anger, and wisdom becomes ego.

We have become lost souls.

Recently, I have learnt that meditation and Yoga is actually the same thing. Prior to this, I only knew that Yoga is somewhat spiritual but I never truly grasped it. Now I realise, meditation = Yoga = remembrance.

All makes sense now.

Whether we practise Yoga or meditation, or take a particular religious path, it’s all about looking inside ourselves, listening to our hearts, accessing to our soul, and reconnecting to all the innate beauties which are our birthright - love, happiness, peace, purity and wisdom. We have had these qualities all along. Now, we only need to remember their existence. Because when we remember, we become. When we have made that connection to our past and lost memories, we can find our way back.

Peace is my religion. Light is my home. Love, is what I live for.

(Inspired by hubby. Because of my new found endless energy, passion and zest in life, he thinks I have found a religion. *grin*)

Toastmasters

2005-08-23T20:08:00.001+12:00

When my company launched a new policy about holding weekly team forums, my first thought was: ‘Bugger! My dream of joining the Toastmasters club is over!’ The forum is held on 8:30am every Tuesday, which clashes with the Toastmasters meeting which also happens on Tuesday mornings.

I had agreed to meet Marlyn at 6:30 am in the Meditation Centre today, then we’d go to the Toastmaster’s Club together. Marlyn is my meditation tutor. I met her only three weeks ago!

I missed the opportunity to tell Marlyn last night that I couldn’t make the Toastmasters. The meditation class was divided into two groups and I was allocated to another group. By the time I finished my class, I was disappointed to find out that she had already left as her group had finished earlier. Since Roger, the tutor of my group, had Marlyn’s phone number, I kindly asked him to do me a favour to ring Marlyn and tell her that I wouldn’t come this morning.

I got up this morning. As usual I did half an hour of pilates before going out for my run. During my running, somehow I started to worry. 'What if Roger forgets to ring Maylyn? She would be waiting and waiting and getting worried about me!' Thinking of this, I made some adjustment to my running route and sprinted to the Meditation Centre.

I found her, thank God for that! Out of breath, I regrettably explained to her why I couldn’t go with her.

‘You can still come!’ She said. ‘We can leave the club early. I can drop you off at work afterwards.’

I didn’t think it’d work. I was on my running shoes and wearing only shorts. It must be about 6:45am and the club starts at seven.

‘Come on! I’ll drive you home. You can get changed in five minutes. We’ll make it. ’ She was very calm and relaxed. Not like me, getting anxious and stressed. Realising my stress was not doing me any good, I agreed to her suggestion.

Thank God I had had a shower first thing in the morning!

The following 15 minutes or so we had a mad rush. She drove me home, I got changed miraculously in a couple of minutes. At exactly seven, we walked into the club room.

It turned out that today’s meeting was special as there was a speech contest. It was very serious as three judges were ‘recruited’ from outside the club. Time was strictly controlled and contestants were not allowed to enter the room until it was their turn. The topic was: ‘What are your concerns in this general election?’

One by one, seven contestants did their speeches. Marlyn was amongst them. Six of them did a fantastic speech, which to me, was very professional. Three of them won prizes and every contestant received a certificate.

After a tea break, a ‘table speech’ was conducted, which was less formal. Four people delivered speeches which were just as good. I was not sure if those speeches were prepared or instantaneous though.

Just by being there, surrounded by a bunch of positive and enthusiastic people, I was amazed and inspired. My spirit soared every time people clapped their hands after the delivery of a speech.

This is definitely my kind of club!

I turned up at work in time. To my disappointment, the forum was rescheduled to 11am. Since there were only two board rooms and we had three teams to hold forums, our team decided to go for the later sessions. All the rush, anxiety … now seemed unnecessary. Hang on a minute… I changed my mind. It was actually good news for me, as I could now join the Toastmasters without having to worry about the damn forums at 8:30am!

To add icing to the cake, I talked to one of my colleagues about this club. I found out that my company reimburses the membership fees to the staff who belongs to this club. The company has all sorts of incentives and educational assistance programmes and this happens to be one of them.

A decision has been made.

Highlight Of The Day

2005-08-22T17:02:00.000+12:00

We had our company’s annual financial report today, presented by our CEO. He is on his road tour to do forty presentations to all the branch staff nationwide. He has brought with him our Corporate Lawyer, his Business Advisor and his Secretary.

The presentation was over. I came back to my desk. Just when I sat down, the Corporate Lawyer, the Business Advisor and the Secretary walked to my desk. I thought they were going to ask me something. But instead, they just introduced themselves to me. We shook hands and they told me that they were on their way to Whangarei for their next road show. I wished them good luck as they left.

I was most amused as to why in an open office of forty people they came to see me, considering I don’t hold any high rankings. What’s even more amusing was that, the Corporate Lawyer said to me: ‘Ella, you are lovely!’ Everyone laughed as they walked away and I was speechless.

It may only lasted a minute, but it made my day!

Dance Your Heart Open

2005-08-21T11:48:00.000+12:00

Last Wednesday I went to my meditation class. I was early. There was just one person sitting there, quietly. It was Marlyn, the tutor. I said ‘hi’, and found myself a seat to sit down.

A song was being played, very softly and gently, filling the room up with love and peace.

Dance your heart open, feel the love deep inside
Dance your heart open, let your love come outside...

I just sat there, quietly. It felt so nice and peaceful. I didn’t want to break the silence between Marlyn and me and start a conversation. To talk over a beautiful song like this didn’t feel right.

In that moment, a sense of serenity and solemnity emerged. It was a very familiar feeling. I began to search through my memories on when and where I had this feeling before. Ah I remembered! It was the same feeling I experienced at the funerals!

Like everyone else, I would go to a funeral a little early to be respectful. I would find the room filled with loving and peaceful music. Also I would find that nobody is talking. Instead, everyone seems pondering about something - perhaps about the meaning of life, perhaps about the happy memories they’ve had about the deceased, or perhaps about the love he has left behind, etc. That moment of silence, prompts everyone to realise, that death is a sure ending to all of us and whatever mattered to us before doesn’t seem to matter now. All the juggles and struggles, all the moments while we were busy chasing our own tails all come to an end. At the funeral, we realise that there is nothing more real than death. We ask such questions to ourselves: What have we got to take away when we leave this world? What has the deceased got to take with him?

The deceased may have made a few mistakes or upset a few people in his life. But every speech delivered is about what a great and loving soul he was when he was alive. Why? Because when we compare the flaws of a person to his achievements and love he’s left behind, we know that love can wipe out any unpleasant trivialities. In love, we are all forgiven. In love, we all find peace. In love we all rise above and beyond.

Dance your heart open,
Give your heart wing to fly
Dance your heart open
soaring into the sky...

The words went deeper and deeper into my heart, into my soul. I felt my heart was dancing with the music, flying and flying… It is true! There is no better dance than a dance with the heart! And there is no better moments than now, when we can open our hearts, let the lights in, and dance whenever we feel.

Meat, Or Vegetarian?

2005-08-19T18:43:00.000+12:00

I didn’t have any shopping plan for today. But when I walked past that vege shop, I couldn’t help but stop to have a look.

I grabbed some bananas, oranges, tomatoes and Gai Lan (a Chinese vegetable). Even though I thought I’d finished, I just hang around. It was so pleasant just to be in the shop, looking at all those colourful and juicy fruits and vegetables, and smelling the aroma. The whole environment was so calm, relaxed and peaceful. There were a few customers in the shop. They all took their time to select what they wanted. And they all looked happy and relaxed. Maybe it was because today is Friday. At the checkout, the gentleman in front of me was merrily chatting with the checkout girl.

I suddenly realised something.

I realised why my weekly shopping experiences in the local super market were never the same. I never felt so relaxed like I did in the vege shop. There was one particular aspect in my shopping experience in the super market I always dreaded: I never enjoyed buying meat! If my husband was with me, I’d always ask him to sort out the meat so I could escape from the scene. If I was on my own, I would spend as little time as possible and get them done with. Every time I walked past the meat department, there was always something bothering me. My husband can tell you all about it - I was either anxious, impatient, annoyed, disturbed, or grumpy …for no reason. Somehow I always seemed angry upon seeing all those different kinds of meat lying there.

I realised for the first time, that those processed meat in the super markets have a different vibration from the fruits and veges. Although they lie there silently, they have been through various cruel and inhuman stages to get there. Their vibration therefore is very low because they’ve been hurt. (If we human beings are hurt and feel sad, our vibration would be low just the same.) That’s why the scene of raw meat has always been disturbing to me. It is hard to associate meat with peace, calm and love.

Shopping in a vege shop is different. The food is fresh produce from nature. Lots of love have been injected into them before they get to the vege shop. The vibration from those fresh produce is high. That’s why it is always a pleasant experience just to hang around them.

I discussed with my husband a few weeks ago about the benefits of becoming vegetarian. He did not object to the concept. He could see the merits of it but was concerned about the practicality. This is a blessing because after all, if we live together, our life would be easier if our tastes, likings and preferences on food are in tune. I believe if we could manage to make it practical, we could both do it.

Like everything else in our life so far, I think we can do it together on this. I will increase our consumption of vegetarian food and cut our consumption on meat . I will do it a gradual basis, with a view to become a vegetarian say in two years time. I believe a radical change on diet like this is better done gradually so the body system would not get confused suddenly.

I don’t like radical changes in life. But I like to be in tune. I think eating sensibly is one way of being in tune. I’ve already visualised myself of becoming an organic food person and somewhat an environmentalist in my mid-forties. Maybe this day will come sooner. Who knows?

If I Could Have Just One Wish

2005-08-18T15:59:00.000+12:00

Yes! Yes! Yes!!

Hubby sat his exam today. He got an impressive 90%.

His Trader’s License will be sent to him in a few days. He has been dreaming his dream in the last few years. Now he is starting to live his dream! What a milestone!

It’s only the beginning. The real challenges are yet to come. Yet, to get this far, it has taken thousands of hours, tens of thousands of cash invested, piles of books, magazines and journals, many hobbies and leisure activities compromised … Oh, I’ve been there with him. People might think he is clever, smart or talented. While that might be true, I know that most successes involve no myths but hard yards.

Oh, he happens to be in a happy and romantic mood today, again. He’s just sent me the following poem – the second poem in a row:

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

Me too, honey!

A Special World

2005-08-16T13:56:00.000+12:00

I've just come back from my lunch walk. Someone has just sent me a love poem:

A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.

Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.

And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

It's from my dearest.

Miracle IV

2005-08-09T10:29:00.000+12:00

(Extracted from my journal dated 29 March 2005)

...Beach is always a heavenly place for me as there are so many activities you can do. To me there is nothing more romantic than walking on the beach on bare foot in the moonlight with your lover and gazing the stars in the sky. It was such a beautiful and peaceful evening, especially when there was a full moon in the sky. I was totally mesmerised. Life was so wonderful! Marriage was so great! As a matter of fact, everything in life was so perfect! In the far distance we could see lightening from the thick white clouds. The lightening was like a golden rim flickering and lasted for about half an hour. On the other far end, the same flickering could be seen in the midst of chunks of dark clouds. All the lightening I had experienced before were accompanied by sounds but here we were on a wide open beach, watching lightening from both ends in stillness as if a mute button was on in the middle of an action movie. It was amazing!

Miracle III

2005-08-09T10:20:00.000+12:00

(My journal dated 12 April 2005 - 'A Breathtaking Moment')

About three years ago I had a dream. In my dream I vividly saw this miracle of life – mirage. It was so amazing and real that I woke myself up from laughter – laughter of joy and total bliss. Three years later, I can still see the layers, the colours and the objects in that dream. How can I ever forget when something so beautiful and amazing came to me?

Last night I was driving home from work. It had been a foggy day. The fog can linger for hours, or days sometimes over here in the valley. I normally choose the alternative roads other than the motor way to get home, so I can enjoy the country scenary, which has become a form of therapy for me especially after a long day at work. After a turn, I noticed something different from the far distance on my right. I couldn’t differentiate the sky, the cloud, the fog, the hills or the houses … they were blended into one picture – a picture not up in the sky, but no attached to the ground either. It was a picture of a fairy land where you can only see from the movies after some special effect has been added. What made it more spectacular was that everything in the picture wore a shiny glow from the sunray. I thought Mother Nature had just created a wonder for us to view – a beauty of warmth, gentleness and subtlety. When you gaze at this wonder, you forget about all the worries, stress and daily hardship we face, at least temporarily.

It was like the mirage I saw in my dream three years ago but undoubtedly more beautiful this time. I was still in ecstasy long after I got home

I wonder how many people actually witnessed this wonder like I did last night. Perhaps, it was only me that could see it somehow? I am saying this because I have discovered so many times when I am amazed by the beauty of nature; other people were just oblivious of them.

This reminds me of what I read recently from the Horoscope. It said that Aquarius people have some special attachment to rainbow, which is exactly me. I can see rainbows in the sky just about every time after a rain and I get all excited about it as if it was a wonder nature puts on for me especially. I certainly have a special attachment and attraction to it.

It is said New Zealand is the most beautiful country in the world. I certainly think so. I love the clouds in the sky. I love the scent in the air from the trees, grass and flowers. I love everything nature has to offer in this country. There are many breath-taking experiences over here. You just need to live in the moment, noticing them and appreciating them.

Miracle II

2005-08-09T10:13:00.000+12:00

(My journal on 1 June 2005)

Not a day goes by without reminding me of God's amazing love.

Today, for example, I felt God's greatest love. It happened when I was driving home after work. It was just after 5pm when the last bit of daylight was still lingering. On one side the sky was blue with a tinge of red which was very beautiful. I couldn't believe what I saw on the other side - the sky was divided by two distinctive colours - grey clouds and bright green and you could almost tell the line between the two colours. I was not joking. It was green! A blueish green. Until this day if anyone told me that the sky was green, I would have told her go get lost!

I instantly had an urge to take a picture of this beautiful moment. Too bad my camera was not with me. In a few minutes it would be dark and all these beautiful colours would disappear as if it never existed.

But I know it did exist. There was no doubt about it. Not only I saw a green sky, I was mesmerised by it, by the beauty and wonder of nature. I wanted to cry. I was amazed by the miracle that God created.

Miracle

2005-08-09T08:32:00.000+12:00

I was walking down the street this morning, on my way to work. It was a nice fresh morning. You could smell the wetness in the air from the rain last night.

I turned into my favourite street – a street I called ‘birds paradise’ as it always had hundreds of birds singing at the same time. It was a short street. When I came to the end of the street and was about to turn into a main road, the sky opened in front of me. A huge rainbow was hanging there.

Amazing!

The rainbow was somewhat bigger than the other rainbows I usually saw as a curved line. It was a half circle, a full half circle. The colours were extremely bright. I started counting the seven colours, identifying them in the rainbow – red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet … It was so beautiful! I was full of joy and excitement.

A strange thought came to me. I wondered if it was possible, that two rainbows occurred at the same time. I wondered if anyone had actually seen two rainbows at the same time. Theoretically it must be possible as the sub climate in two regions can coincide to each other, out of a rare chance. Upon this thought, I subconsciously looked into the sky at my front, back, left, and right to see if by miracle there was another rainbow somehow.

No. Of course not.

I day dream too much! That’s my problem!

The rainbow was behind me for about three to five minutes before I turned into another street. This time the rainbow was on my left again. This time, my eyes were wide open. I blinked and rubbed, blinked again and rubbed again. I couldn’t believe what I saw.

Two rainbows were in the sky this time! I saw a smaller, shorter and fainter rainbow parallel to the big bright half circle rainbow! It was like a baby rainbow, in the arms and care of its mother.

How could this happen? How could my thoughts a few minutes ago turned into reality right in front of my eyes?

'Was this a dream? Was I imagining?' I asked myself.

I looked at my watch. It said 7:44. Today is Tuesday, 9 August 2005. And I was on my way to work. The birds were still singing in my ears. The cars were driving past by me. And the feather-like drizzles were touching my face gently. No. It was definitely not a dream.

It was a miracle.

Heaven

2005-08-07T13:08:00.000+12:00

It was Friday evening. I was on my way walking home. Hubby rung me from work to say he was going to be a little late. He also reminded me that he was going to his club meeting at 7:30 and needed to come home to get his car, so we might have to have a quick dinner. He told me that perhaps a simple and easy dinner such as sausages and eggs with toast would do.

It was uncommon for me to make dinner on a Friday evening as we normally either eat out or have take-away food. While I was in the kitchen by myself and with my radio on, I felt quite relaxed and excited. I carefully timed my cooking so that by the time hubby got home dinner would be ready.

A tingling feeling crawled in. It was a feeling of missing someone terribly, someone you have fallen madly in love with. It was a feeling combined with anticipation and excitement. It was a feeling hard to contain and wanting to burst. Although hubby would be home soon, I could not wait. I kept looking out of the window to see if I could find him. Every time I checked I was disappointed. I started to feel a little anxious and worried that if he didn’t come home soon he would be late for dinner and his club meeting. Oh I wanted so much, that everything in his life runs smoothly and perfectly. I wanted so much, to do everything for him and make him as happy as possible! Oh I was so much in love! I was terribly missing him yet I was terribly contented and happy with this man in my life. I love our life too much!

At that moment, the radio started to play Carpenters ‘On top of the world’. What a perfect song being played at a perfect moment! The song was like tailor written and sung for me, from the bottom of my heart:

...
Everything I want the world to be
Is now coming true especially for me
And the reason is clear
It’s because you are here
You’re the nearest thing to heaven that I’ve seen

I’m on the top of the world lookin’ down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I’ve found ever since you’ve been around
Your love’s put me at the top of the world

Something in the wind has learned my name
And it’s tellin’ me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze
There’s a pleasin’ sense of happiness for me
...

I didn't need to doubt it. My world was so perfect. My husband, my cat, my job, my place, my family…and everything in my whole world, was so perfect. I felt as if I was engulfed by a massive love wave and I was inside a place of sheer warmth, safety and love.

By the time hubby came home, dinner was already on the table. We had a quick dinner. Before he left, he said: ‘I might be a little late. Would you stay up and wait for me?’ I saw a childish, reliant look in his eyes, like he was begging. ‘Sure. I’ll be waiting for you! You can tell me all about it (your meeting).’ I gave him a kiss.

We’ve been together for almost ten years! I like the fact that occasionally he would still be a little ‘clingy’ and reliant on me, not for big things, but for trivial things like this. We 'spoil' each other on such small things a lot. It makes us feel wanted, loved and safe.

This ordinary day, and this snapshot of my life, to me is a snapshot of a life in heaven. It is a blissful life because all there is and all you feel is one thing: love.

After hubby left, I turned on the TV. ‘Campbell Live’ was on. Tonight his show was about connection to the dead, medium and psychic stuff. He was interviewing a medium who was well known for having the ability to see the other world. It was all very interesting. At one point, Campbell asked her what heaven and hell is like and what kind of people resides in heaven and what kind of people resides in hell. She explained that heaven and hell is not a place where people are sent by someone. Rather, it’s a place people choose to go. For example, she said, she’d seen some murderers who had no remorse for what they had done got trapped in hell. On the other hand, she said, there were a lot of people in heaven who were ordinary people having a loving heart.

What she said made a lot of sense to me because I imagined that merciless murderers (and other evil souls) would not like heaven. Heaven would be too lonely for them as they would find no friends that can understand them and support them; whilst in hell they get to associate with souls that have the same low vibration which can make them feel at home. So in other words, even if they had a choice to go to heaven, they would refuse to go. Even if God sent them to heaven because their sins have been forgiven, they would come back to hell after discovering that heaven is such a boring and uninteresting place for them.

Now watch what she said next! She said that we already live in heaven. She said that those people who live in heaven often come down to earth and make connections with their loved ones. Therefore, if we enjoy our families and friends with a lot of love around us, we already live in heaven. This is what heaven is all about – loving family and friends, loving people around you!

While the medium might have been constantly challenged by sceptics on the grounds of ‘scientific proof’, she doesn’t need to convince me. I totally understand where she came from. I already know that I live in heaven. I already know that most of us already live in heaven. People just don’t have enough faith to believe it.

We must understand that, we’ve all worked our way to get to where we are now. This place right now is exactly where we belong and is the perfect place that suits us. We are not given more which we cannot take. We are not given less than we deserve. You don't believe it? Let me ask you these: have you ever heard of a person who has never trained to be an athlete was selected by accident to compete in Olympic Games? Have you ever heard of a person who cannot understand financial reports and human leadership was placed in a position of a CEO for a multi-national corporation? Or, have you woken up one morning and found yourself play violin proficiently yet you’ve never touched violin before? Of course you haven’t, because you haven’t done the path. And that’s why you are where you are now, in a place where you feel most comfortable with. Nobody just happens to be a CEO, an Olympic athlete or a violinst, just like no body happens to go to heaven or hell. Your environment is always adequate for you as it has the same wavelength to that of yours.

If you believe the Universe is all about energy and vibration of it, it’s only natural to believe that the same goes with afterlife. High vibration comes from high energy, which is sourced from love, kindness, compassion and all positive thoughts and actions. Low vibration comes from low energy, which is sourced from negative thoughts and actions.

It should be quite comforting to remove that uncertainty as to where we end up going after we die. We should not worry that we will be sent to hell by accident. Why not? Because everyday there are plenty of opportunities for every one of us to practise kindness, compassion and love to raise our consciousness. When our consciousness vibrates at the same wavelength as those in heaven, we connect with heaven. We find a heavenly feeling and we live a heavenly life.

Heaven is not a mysterious place. Heaven is love. It’s very simple. If there is enough love in your world, you should be living in heaven already. I already shared at the beginning of this article about my heavenly Friday evening. I am quite happy to share with you another heavenly moment in my life which happened yesterday morning. I was walking down the street on my way to work to catch up with my heavy workloads built up lately. I heard someone from across the street saying ‘good morning’ loudly. I turned around and saw a car yard sales man. He was smiling and waving at me! There was a busy four-lane street between us with many cars on the road. Yet he greeted me, a total stranger, with kindness! I waved back and smiled at him with a loud ‘hi’ so he could hear me.

This to me is life in heaven. I have experienced many moments like this in my life where people and things are not just names, occupations, genders, images or descriptions. They are love. The car sales person is love. My husband, my cat, my family, my colleagues, my writing, the air I breath, the water I drink, the music I play, the birds in the sky, the rain, the sun… are all love. They all form parts of heaven. If this is not the heaven you envisage, describe to me, what your version of heaven is. I would be interested to know.

It is so obvious: we already live in heaven! If you don’t believe you live in heaven already, that's simply because you haven’t given enough love to the Universe to make that connection to heaven, to receive abundant love from the Universe to feel heavenly.

Rather than looking for love; be love! Rather than looking for heaven; concentrate on giving love in all those tiny moments in life! You already live in heaven! You just don’t have enough faith to believe it!

Coping With Changes

2005-08-05T20:23:00.000+12:00

When my husband and I made the decision to move to Auckland, he had a telephone conversation with his dad. That was the first time when dad learnt that his son was going to give up a 20 year career to pursue a different career for a life change. Prior to this happening, just about everyone else in our life had learnt about our decision and gave us their sincere blessings. However, we didn’t receive blessings from his dad. Basically he believed that hubby was doing great in his career and we were living a good life by all standards (well, I mean, by his standards). To risk financial loss and give up an already successful career for something called ‘passion‘, according to him, was irrational and crazy.

While life moves on and both hubby and I knew that we didn’t need approval from anyone in order to live our life, that bit of disappointment didn’t seem to have been reconciled. Hubby hopes that one day when he achieves his dream his dad would feel proud of him again. You see, we care about what our loved one thinks about us.

Not only hubby launched a big change in his life, I’ve had some changes too, to a lesser degree. Not only my career gives me a different perspective, there have been some subtle changes friendship-wise. A few months ago I decided to quit my favourite website where I was actively involved for about two years for another website for reasons I did not need to justify, like everything else I choose to do in my life, my friendship with the website host somehow suffered (for a little while). While I did not feel sorry for my change in life, I did feel sad that people don’t always give you their blessings when you decide to change. They like the old you to keep them at their comfort zone. To them, if everything has been working all right, why change? They don’t seem to comprehend why you need the change, just like hubby’s dad didn’t understand why we needed the change. Our change somehow caused some threats in him because that’s not what he would do if he was in our position. Therefore he was unable to give us his true blessings.

Recently I decided to make another change, which was to quit the website where I was actively involved in the last three months, again for reasons I did not need to justify. As you might have guessed, my friendship with this website host seemed no longer the same, perhaps for similar reasons in the above two examples. It goes to show that people don’t always give you blessings to pursue your dream. Some of them give you blessings only when you are being a person to their liking and suit their lifestyle, so to speak.

I know, this is not a perfect world. In this imperfect world, hubby still loves his father, and I still love the two friends who I once built a special bond with on the web. I would always be indebted to them for the inspiration I gained from the involvements I had with their websites. However, one must do what one needs to do. After all, I want to live my life.

Tests In Life

2005-08-04T20:48:00.000+12:00

Around mid-day my telephone rang. It’s from my husband. I asked how he got on with his exam. He said he was not successful this time. He only achieved 73%.

I could sense over the phone that he was a bit disappointed. But by the time he got home in the evening he didn’t appear too worried. 'It’s a small test in life.' He said quite positively. 'Life doesn’t always give you want you want immediately. But eventually you’ll pass all the exams - every single one of them!' I was so glad that he didn’t let this temporary setback bother him.

As we often say, it’s life. No matter how eager or keen you are, you don't always get what you want. I mean, not in your planned schedule. but it's not the end of the world. He just needs to sit another exam. The only disadvantage from not passing this exam is that he still can’t trade, even though he’s got clients already. Without trading, it means he can’t earn a cent of his income. It’s annoying, but fortunately we are not pressured by his earning ability at least for a while.

I know it’s not fair. Because I know how hard he studied during the last few weeks. The thing is, I got ill last night. I woke up at 1am with an upset stomach. The next few hours I was going to the toilet like every five minutes, emptying my guts out. I must have caught a bug from food during the day. As a result, neither of us had much sleep throughout the night. He was quite worried about me. I managed to go to work today because I can't afford to become sick at the moment. However, the whole day at work I was in a ‘floating’ mode and the ability to concentrate and think was just not there. As to him, it’s very unfortunate that he had an exam to sit on this very morning and the exam requires 80% to pass instead of 50% or 60%. Had he had a good night sleep, could he have done better in his exam? Maybe. Or maybe not. Who knows?

Life is full of tests like this. You can spend a good deal of time and effort dedicated to something but unforeseeable circumstances occur, which interfere with your plan. You just have to start all over again.

We can only focus so much on what we can do. We can’t control the outcome. The result lies in the hands of the Universe. I am just so pleased and proud that hubby has such a good attitude towards life. Sure, life is full of tests like this. Eventually, we’ll pass all the exams - every single one of them. Very well said, my dear!

The Secret Of Looking Good

2005-08-03T22:40:00.000+12:00

Sharon is an old friend of mine. We used to live in Napier both. Then I moved to Wellington and she moved to Auckland. The last time we saw each other was six years ago when I invited her to stay with me in Wellington for a holiday. Now since I have recently moved to Auckland, we are in touch again.

She came to visit me two weeks ago, when I saw her I was very surprised that she looked so good - so good that she actually looked much better than six years ago. She would be in her late thirties but she certainly looked younger than six years ago. Not only age hasn’t left any mark on her face, there was a healthy, shiny glow in her face which was not there before. We know, you can use expensive makeup or have facial surgeries to get rid of wrinkles or hide some marks, but one thing money can’t buy is the natural, radiant glow, as it is from within and is an indication of our inner health. I was a little curious about her ‘secret’ of looking so good; however, we were too busy catching up with each other’s life stories, I didn’t particularly ask how she managed to be so well kept.

Before she left, I said we should have dinner together one of these days and perhaps should have Yum Cha one day. Sharon told me that she is now a vegetarian. It is at that point I suddenly realised that it is no coincidence that she has a transformed image. I realised that her youthful and vibrant look has a lot to do with her vegetarian diet. She’s become a vegetarian for three years. She told me that since she became a vegetarian, she has found more energy and generally feel much better than her non-vegetarian days. She admitted though, the first three months were difficult to adjust such as feeling hungry all the time.

I have been interested in becoming a vegetarian myself but I haven’t done enough research or studies to gain enough knowledge about adopting a balanced vegetarian diet to take this radical step. To me it's a matter of timing and knowledge rather than a matter of yes or no. I know that many people have misconception about vegetarian that it is a nutrition-depriving diet which would compromise our health. I am not too concerned about that because many meat eaters don’t eat a balanced diet either! Junk food seems part of life. Have you noticed that hospitals are full of meat eaters? It is a fact that vegetarians generally suffer less illnesses and live longer. We must be aware that, whatever diet we adopt, always learn and choose the right way rather than the poorly informed way. There is always a smart way to go for anything in life. For example, exercises are good for us. But if we don't do it properly, it can cause injuries and damages to our body. It's how you do it that counts. Sames goes with vegetarian. Vegetarian is not as simple as avoiding meat and have less protein intake. Sharon gave me a few examples on how to achieve a balanced vegetarian diet including mixing seven types of rice together, when to eat garlic and onion and when not to, etc. She said that although each food has its own innate merit, combined together it might be a different story. In short, there is science in how to eat properly, especially for vegetarians.

Although looking good and healthy would be a strong motivator for me to become a vegetarian (one day), another important motivator, however, comes from my inner desire of wanting to be purified. I have a reasonably good fitness level and a well tone body. Weight has never been my problem. Becoming a vegetarian to me certainly is not about becoming slimmer. However, I am starting to feel stronger and stronger that the poison built up in our bodies from careless intake of food are causing harm in our thoughts and awareness which needs a cure. Becoming a vegetarian seems the natural way to go.

Seek, and You’ll Receive!

2005-08-02T21:37:00.000+12:00

Now that I’ve settled down in my new place, I have been looking for meditation groups/courses. It’s been a couple of months since I had a group mediation session.

I’ve been paying attention to the local newspapers to see what’s available. The good news is that, meditation courses are popular these days and there is no difficulty at all in finding such a course. However, since I am new in Auckland and am still familiarising myself with the roads and suburbs, my primary criteria is that the venue must be close to where I live. The nearest meditation class, to my knowledge, is in another suburb which made it less appealing. However, to solve that problem, I planned to have a test drive to find that place last Sunday to get some ideas on where it is in case I did want to enrol that course. It turned out that I spent most of Sunday at work and got too tired in the end to stick to my original plan.

I was jogging in the neighbourhood yesterday. This time I took a different route which I had never taken before. Guess what I found? I saw a sign with a telephone number and an email address freemediationnow@yahoo.com. My eyes were immediately lightened up. The first thing I did when I came home from my jogging was to send an email to that address to request for more information.

I got a reply today. They offer ‘Raja Yoga’ meditation. They run evening class twice weekly and a new course each month. The current course started last night as a matter of fact. I am welcome to participate in this class or wait until next month if I wish to finish a complete course. They actually have a website: http://www.brahmakumaris.com.au

This is wonderful! Things seem to have turned up better than I had wished for! This place is just a couple of blocks away from my place. I just need to stroll over there. No stress. No driving around. How good is that! Although I haven’t attended this class yet, from the information on the website, I feel excited already as they seem to offer a range of personal development courses in Australasia.

The Universe must have heard my inner wish. And I am provided with what I had asked for. This just reinforced my belief which is: Seek, you will receive!

Birds Paradise

2005-08-01T20:56:00.000+12:00

In Xinhui of South China Guangdong province there is a scenic site called ‘Birds Paradise‘ where hundreds of thousands of birds flock throughout the year. I have found a picture from the Internet which you can see on the left.

It was awe inspiring for an urban dweller like me twelve years ago when I visited that place. It gives you peace of mind in the midst of hustling and bustling city life. Now living in New Zealand, surroundings like the ‘Birds Paradise’ in Xinhui is everywhere. I remind myself everyday how lucky I am to be so close to nature.

When I lived in Wellington, there was a tree I walked past every evening on the way to my car park. It was not an ordinary tree. At that time of the day it always had hundreds of birds singing at the same time. I always enjoyed that mesmerising moment while I could just switch off from my congested mind and listen to the beautiful music from nature. Strangely every time I walked past that tree, somehow it reminded me of the ‘Birds Paradise’ in Xinhui.

Oh it just gets better. Now I get to walk to work everyday. The 15 minutes walk is the best therapy for me. Believe it or not I actually get to choose three or four different routes. There are two residential streets which have become my favourite streets. You must have guessed it by now why I love these two streets. These two streets are another Birds Paradise. The singing from birds doesn’t just come from one tree, but from different directions and distances. If you listen attentively, you will notice the different pitch, tone and rhythm which forms a perfect melody. It is better than any music created by mankind.

There is a special tree also in front of my office building which is the habitat for hundreds of birds. The moment I walk out of the office in the evening, I am reminded by these happy birds what a wonderful and free life I have.

Maybe I am a bird. This life is, already, a paradise.

Live Your Dream

2005-07-31T16:02:00.000+12:00

You know how sometimes you dream your dreams and talk about your dreams? Well, what I want to say is, without putting wings to our dreams, dreams will forever remain dreams.

I am living in my dream right now. My brand new life started a month ago when my husband and I made the decision to move to Auckland to pursue our dreams. 'What does it feel like to live in your dreams?' You may ask.

You feel high. Every day and every moment you feel like a propeller – you keep going and you don’t even feel tired. You never run out of energy and enthusiasm. You are passionate with every moment of your life. You love everyone. The best part of all, you have new dreams – dreams you know will become reality one day.

The move has certainly been proven worthwhile. Everything has worked out so well which we can’t be thankful enough. Firstly, we found our place in a couple of hours instead of couple of days or weeks. My work is just 15 minutes walk away and hubby’s train trip to his work takes only a few minutes. We don’t have the problems most Aucklanders do – commuting in congested traffic. Secondly, we both love our new jobs. Hubby’s dream career is injecting him with endless energy and ideas and he has found more business opportunities since we arrived here. As to my work, my knowledge and expertise in my new role has been well received and acknowledged. We are very fortunate that we have both found a niche which we fit in so well.

Not only it's a place of more opportunities, it's a place of more choices. There is a good variety of everything which gives you more options in life. Chinese food is very authentic and very much home-like. There are ample books on business subjects in the local library as well as Chinese books. Note this is great bonus for me from a Chinese perspective. The last time I read a Chinese book was about five years ago! I also get to refresh my Cantonese again as there is a Cantonese radio station. As Cantonese is my second language and I’ve hardly had any chance to use it in the last nine years, I am just about to lose it completely. Also with me gradually adopting more Kiwi traits and losing in touch with my original culture, being in Auckland gives me the opportunity to get in touch with my originality again! I've also noted that there is a mulch wider range of evening courses available than in Wellington. I am never going to run out of things to do in my spare time!

While Auckland may not be a long term place for us, we are certainly going to have a very good time while we are here. The warmer climate here enables us to take up a few old hobbies such as surfing and kayaking which were put off due to the cold weather in Wellington.

What more do I want from life? I don’t know. At the moment I am working towards being a qualified financial advisor. As to hubby, he is working towards being a successful financier. Nine years ago when I worked as a Marketing Assistant and he was running a game equipment business we couldn’t possibly imagine that our dreams in career and other aspects in life could merge so well and so close. Last night we were both watching the TV programme called 'Get Away' which featured some tropical islands in Australia, we had a quick exchange of memories of our tropical holidays in China, Thailand, Australia and New Zealand. You know what? An agreement was reached as to where our next tropical holiday would be!

It’s a dream life! Yet I know my dream will continue and better things will come when it’s due.

(I feel like writing this journal as it's been a full month since we moved here.)

Find Time To Be With Yourself

2005-07-30T10:34:00.000+12:00

Do you often feel after a day at work that your brain is so full that you feel tired, dull and stressed? On your way home is your brain still packed with clients you have dealt with, business letters you have written, conversations you have had and problems you have faced during the day?

I believe most of us are familiar with this feeling. Modern life is very demanding. We are always busy, both at work and in private life. Our brain flits from one thing to another rapidly in every waking moment (and during sleep also). It can be difficult to find a spare moment in our hectic life, to slow down the brain and have a moment that belongs to ourselves purely.

I learnt how to find moments to myself on any day from an experience I had in Bangkok three years ago.

My husband and I were having a holiday there. We hired a tuk tuk to take us to the famous Chao Phraya River for a river cruise. We did not know how far the Chao Phraya River was and how long it would take. We did not care anyway, as we had plenty of time. After a quick bargaining on the price, we got on the tuk tuk.

The driver was a forty something local man. Like most Thai, he did not speak very good English but apparently he had no problem with the basic tourist English. While we were quite enjoying our exotic street tour on the tuk tuk, the driver stopped. We had a look around. It was nowhere near the river. As a matter of fact, we found ourselves in a residential area.

‘Can you wait here for five minutes?’ He asked. ‘I need to do some praying. I’ll be right back. Stay here. Don’t move.’

My husband and I looked at each other, stunned and confused. ‘What’s his game?’ we wondered. We were in a strange place where we were left alone. What the hell was going on?

Although we had some suspicion, we waited. There was not much we could do anyway.

In five minutes the driver duly returned, and thanked us for waiting. We carried on with the rest of the trip to the river.

What have I learnt from this tuk tuk trip?

I learnt something from the driver, which is: we should always find some time to be with ourselves, even at work. A driver’s day can be hectic and non-stop in a busy and noisy city like Bangkok. But it was important to him to find some quiet and peaceful moments to be with himself (or to be with his God). The five minutes praying perhaps goes a long way for the rest of the day. As it turned out, we didn’t mind waiting that five minutes at all. People who are in a desperate rush are unlikely to choose tuk tuk as the desirable transportation anyway.

For many of us, a working day is no easier than the life of a tuk tuk driver. Most people find the period after lunch or in mid-afternoon are hard to concentrate, for example. To remain focused, we actually need to ‘empty’ our mind every now and then, to give it a breathing space. Meditation can help to focus our mind and to empty it. It doesn’t have to be long session. I find five minutes meditation at work is very beneficial. I try to do it at least twice a day. Lack of space? I go to the handicapped toilet which is private and usually unused. Difficult to find that extra five minutes? I doubt it. Have you noticed that smokers never fail to find that five minutes every now and then through out the day for a cigarette? If smokers can afford that five minutes, so can you!

To dedicate time to be with ourselves can make us feel centred and being in control. A lot of creativity and inspiration arises from time alone with ourselves. Life can be a rat race. However, if we don’t contemplate and align our 'busy-ness' with our value and purpose, you may end up asking yourself: ‘what is the point?’

Coincidence

2005-07-27T08:43:00.000+12:00

On Sunday my husband and I did some shopping in town. I was looking for some lipsticks. Since I seldom involve him in my shopping, he showed great interest as to what colour I should choose. He asked me to try several colours which he thought would look good on me. In the end I bought one with the colour “raspberry’ recommended by him. If he was not with me, I wouldn’t have tried it and wouldn’t have known that it was actually a very vibrant colour. The colour for this particular brand of lipstick had a range from 100 to 900 you can appreciate how confusing a consumer can be these days in shopping. Anyway, the colour was 231.

When I was on my way to work yesterday (Tuesday), I noticed a road sign. The size of it was comparable to the size of a 32 inch TV screen. It was a street number sign, and says 231 in bright blue on a green board. It instantly reminded me of my lipstick colour I bought on Sunday.

This is interesting! I had walked on the same road every day for the last four weeks and I swear to God that I had never noticed this road sign! The moment I bought my lipstick, I began to notice this road sign as they are the same number. How strange.

However, I was not easily convinced. It could be that the road sign was put up during the weekend. So this morning when I walked past that sign again, I took a special ‘inspection’ to see if it looks like a brand new sign. Unfortunately, by all counts it is a very old sign. The sign board stands on a pole which is rusty. The sign board certainly doesn’t have the new clean look. In fact, there is an old dent on the top of the board. After my inspection, I came to the disappointing conclusion that the sign must’ve been there for years. I just hadn’t noticed until yesterday.

I wonder if that number has any meaning to me at all.

Women's Underwear

2005-07-24T10:23:00.000+12:00

I read a book yesterday titled “you make it happen”. It’s a Chinese book. In this book, there was some interesting revelation about women’s underwear.

It’s a book written by a father to his teenage daughter. The author is a University Professor, a writer, an artist and an ambassador in cultural exchanges between America and China. His daughter was once granted an award from President Bush and his son held a Doctor’s degree from Harvard University. We are talking about a very successful Chinese family living in New York.

In one of his ‘teachings’ to his daughter on how to overcome her various bad habits, he commented on her habit of leaving her underwear on the bathroom floor.

He pointed out that a woman’s underwear is a very private thing. As such she should never leave her underwear on the floor or any ‘public’ places. Instead, she should hand wash her underwear in the shower. He further clarified that this was about a woman’s self-respect and self-grace.

I was amused, to say the least! You see, I am Chinese. However, I have never picked up on this piece of Chinese tradition. I always wash my underwear in the washing machine together with other clothes (which means it could be mixed with my husband’s). Now since he pointed out, I remembered that my mother always gave her underwear ‘special treatment’. She always seemed to hand wash her underwear separately, usually in the shower. And the same with my sister! Although I did notice the special thing about underwear, somehow I just didn’t follow. How come I was left out of this ‘teaching’? I don’t know. Was it because it was too subtle a subject that I was supposed to pick it up naturally? Or, was it because I dismissed this ‘teaching’ rebelliously as it didn’t make any sense to me? Well, I might check that one out when I talk to my mother on the phone next time!

It seems that this underwear thing is not just a Chinese tradition. At least two kiwi people have told me that they felt very strange when they happened to discover that their Japanese homestay (girl) students wash their underwear separately and dry them in the wardrobe! At the time I just thought those Japanese girls were strange indeed.

Well, I am glad that I’ve learnt something ‘new’ about my culture. I am also glad that I have never adopted that part of my culture, as it still doesn’t make sense to me.

Your Time Is Your Life

2005-07-23T16:14:00.000+12:00

We frequently hear people say: ‘I wish to lose 20 pounds/write a book/send an email to my old friend/take a dancing class/do mediation daily…but I haven’t got the time for it’, the following story will make you realise that time , is never the issue!

Put the big rocks in first

One day an expert on the subject of time management was speaking to a group of business students and to drive home a point used an illustration those students will never forget. As this man stood at the front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, ‘Okay, time for a quiz.’

Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them into the jar, one at a time. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, ‘is this jar full?’

Everone in the class said, ‘Yes.’ Then he said, ‘Really?’ he reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar, causing pieces of gravel to work down into the spaces between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, ‘Is the jar full?’

By this time the class was onto him. ‘Probably not,’ one of them answered.

‘Good!’ he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and gravel. Once more he asked the question, ‘Is this jar full?’

‘No!’ the class shouted.

Once again he said, ‘Good!’ Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, ‘What is the point of this illustration?’

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, ‘The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!’

‘No,’ the speaker replied, “that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: ‘if you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.’

- quoted in Stephen Covey ‘First Things First’

The thing is, time is very generous and fair to everyone. We all have 24 hours a week and seven days a week. We can only spend time once. We cannot save it for future use. Nobody is given more time than others. Time is never the issue which stops you from losing that 20 pounds, writing that book, sending that email to your old friend, taking that dancing class, or practising meditation. Admit it! Admit that the fact that you haven’t taken a dancing class or taken up daily exercises is because these things are not that important to you. You have not considered them as the ’big rocks’ in your life, therefore not worth putting into the jar of your life in the first place.

If you want to find time to do the things you want to do in life, the first thing therefore is to establish what’s important for you and what’s not. Once you’ve sorted out the list of priority, I am sure you would not complain that you can’t find time to do the things you want to do and to pursue the dreams you have. Look at Stephen Covey himself for a moment, he has ten children, right? No doubt family would have taken a significant amount of time in his life. Yet he is not just an ordinary family man. He has become a world wide powerful coach on how to lead effective personal, business and corporate lives.

Your time is your life. Make good use of it!