The Telling Of Your Autobiography

I am sure everyone has an autobiography to tell. I am sure that everyone believes that his/her autobiography is very exciting. Why am I saying that? Think about all the experiences you’ve had where you were in a group or with a friend, and think about how most of time people are too busy talking about themselves to notice that you are bored?

It happens all the time with me. Most of the time those who keep talking about themselves are actually boring. Boring people have a small world. Their world is all about themselves. They either don't notice other people's world or don't have interest in other people's world. I notice that people who are obsessed with telling their autobiography are often young people. It’s not difficult to understand why - generally older people are comfortable and secure with themselves. Older people have a bigger world. They don’t need to grab attention from others. Whereas many young people are still dealing with their insecurity issue (whether they are aware of it or not), a manifestation of which is self obsession and attention grabbing. These people are most likely to tell their autobiography whenever they are engaged in a conversation.

Yesterday hubby and I went to town to do some shopping. In the men’s shop I ran into one of my colleagues. Both him and hubby bought a business suit and we had a bit of chat. He was kind enough to ask if we would like to have a coffee together as Starbucks is just across the street. Naturally we happily agreed.

It seems there are common things between us as he also came from Wellington. He moved to our Auckland office from Wellington office a couple of years ago due to family reasons. He is doing well and is now an Area Manager. I had wanted to catch up with him on his life, family and some work issues. However, since hubby and I are new in town and have just had an exciting episode behind us due to the recent change of place and life direction, we got carried away by being the dominant talkers and elaborated on why and how we came to Auckland. Time past quickly and before we knew it, we had to leave as both of us were running out of car parking time. We beat a hasty retreat and said good-bye to each other. It was at this point did I realise that this short meeting with my colleague was very unfulfilling - while we dumped all our stories to him, we barely asked him about his stories! We too made a mistake of being too busy telling our auto-biography without noticing what he wanted out of this meeting! We behaved in a manner as if we were young kids desperately wanting our parents listen to us and understand us without being the least interested in what our parents’ concerns are! I realise that what we did was very immature and inconsiderate. Of course, we would avoid it from happening again.

While it is our birth-right to feel excited about our own autobiography, we should never forget to demonstrate our empathy towards others and show some genuine interest in their stories and concerns. Although this is basic in our dealings with people on a daily basis, it is amazing how we often forget that other people too have their exciting stories which they wish to share. Without empathy, we can’t build good rapport and fulfilling relationships. Empathy allows us to connect with our fellow human being mind to mind, heart to heart and soul to soul. Always be aware of the situation when telling your auto-biography. Don’t over do it as it’s likely to drive a potential friend, peer or customer away. Instead, give people an opportunity to tell their autobiography, and you are on your way to win their trust!