Spontaneity

I was lying on the couch, watching the evening news, feeling quite relaxed. It’s nice to be a lazy couch potato for a moment after a fast paced day at work.

I heard the footsteps on the stairs outside. I got up, opened the door and greeted hubby. He gave me a nice warm hug before he got changed and joined me in the couch watching tele. He kissed me and I kissed back. We snuggled together in the couch enjoying our warmth and flesh together. It was good to have a moment together like this before I started making dinner.

This morning when I woke up at 5.30am I somehow didn’t want to get up. I lingered in bed and reached out for him - one of those moments you just wake up and feel like doing something. Naturally we started to play….

Afterwards, hubby mentioned that that he thought we were going to make love last night.

“You thought we were going to make love? You mean, when we were watching tele in the couch?”

“Apparently so.” He said. “I thought we were cuddling, kissing…. and all that sort of thing.”

“I didn’t know the cuddling should lead to something else.” I burst into laughter. “All I was thinking was what to make for dinner after the news finishes! I didn’t realise you were wanting something!’

“I just wanted us to be spontaneous.” I found that he looked very cute.

What a good point! It reminded me that we all wish our other half to be spontaneous – to share common thoughts and ideas, to read each other’s minds and to have the same wavelength in everything. Yes, spontaneity feels good. Spontaneity means deep understanding and passionate love. Spontaneity means the merge of body, mind and soul of two people.

Spontaneity is indeed the most desirable state to be in. But is it realistic though?

“Would you put your thoughts in words next time dear if I am not on?’ I grinned. “Ask, you shall receive!” I teased him and he laughed.

Had I known what was exactly in his mind, he might have just got it. I could have easily aligned myself into the kind of mood which could set us in motion.

We’ve been together for quite a few years now. We’ve had many spontaneous moments in life where we shared common activities and interests in life. For example, we were both experts at arranging holidays at the last minute even it involves international travel. Naturally and healthily, there were moments when we were in different moods and wavelength. We certainly have our little fights and discords every now and then. But one thing I find very essential and powerful in deepening our bond and intimacy is the power of effective communication, no matter how small the matter is. I know that some couples would rather suppress their disappointment, resentment or anger for the sake of avoiding an argument or an embarrassing topic to maintain peace or civilisation. Also there seem to be plenty of people who simply don’t know how to open up their full emotions (It's easy to express one's anger, happiness and sadness. But is it easy to express your resentment, disappointment, shame, embarassement and guilt?) In order to get by, they just avoid certain subjects that are ‘touchy’ or ‘sensitive’ to them. While it might be a necessary life skill or tact at a social level, it can be detrimental to a relationship if we feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to express in words our needs and wants. After all, the reward of being in a relationship is largely about having our needs and wants met, otherwise the unfulfillment is going to eat you up inside. Should it be surprising that most couples who go for counselling discover for the first time that they really don’t know how to talk to their partners about what they want without yelling at each other?

Communication, communication and communication! A perfect, wonderful, spontaneous, intimate and enduring relationship is always based on good communication. Communication is a never-ending practice!

I have probably gone too far from the tiny, harmless comment from hubby. However, I am glad that I assured him that not only he is entitled to what he wants; most importantly, let me know first please!