Bonding In A Marriage

I remember a conversation I had with one of my colleagues years ago. I asked her if she had any children. She said she had one boy. She told me that it was important to have children, especially when one’s husband was away all the time on business so one could occupy oneself by raising children. She also said something interesting which made me laugh. She said that it only took a year or two for a couple to have said all the things they had to say and done all the things they wanted to do as such it was time to have children to create a bonding after a couple of years.

Maybe she was half joking. Maybe what she said was somewhat true. As far as I know, children to many couples are the only bonding. Many couples have nothing else to say to each other if the subjects are not about their children. Children, certainly appear to be a solid bonding in a marriage. But does this bonding really strengthen and nourish a marriage? In other words, are couples who have children enjoy better relationships than childless couples? The answer is no, according to a source I read last year. The source concluded from researches and surveys that, childless couples experience lower divorcing rate than couples who have children. Children, do not make the bonding of a marriage stronger.

I look at my own parents’ marriage and come to the saddening fact that it is true. When we kids were young, my parents were happier than they are now. They had a lot of common things to do together. They talked to each other more. After we have grown up and all left home, it took no time for their marriage to plummet and at one stage they even went to the local marriage registration office to file for a divorce which fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately) did not proceed. While children kept them together for some years, they were never really bonded to each other. This was evidenced by their inability to live a coupled life when there was no third parties.

Bonding through external things such as children is weak and fragile because external things either change, die or come to an end. Happy couples are the ones who share common visions in life and who are committed to each other’s soul development. Bonded in this way, a couple would never run out of things to say or projects to do. Raising children becomes part of their bonding but not the only bonding. When children grow up, they move on to other projects and continue to nurture each other.

A marriage that is bonded through shared values and visions is passionate, creative and stimulating. It provides stability, love, security, laughter, joy and a safe haven. It provides the platform for personal growth and spiritual awakening.

Children, or no children, doesn’t really matter. Always feed each other’s soul because there is always room there for nourishment. The whole universe is bonded through soul connection, what makes you think that marriage should be different?