True Love

No one would dispute the fact that the love we receive from our parents is greater than the love we give to our parents.

I believe we all know why: Parental love is the greatest because it is unconditional love. Our parents love us regardless, even when we have made mistakes and done stupid things. They watch us doing things to hurt ourselves yet they never stop loving us. Their love is like an ocean and contains all. Their love is the greatest because they let us be who we want to be and let us do what we want to do.

How much do I love my parents in return? I don’t want to compare. I can’t compare. How can I compare? My love to my parents has always been conditional despite I have always remained close to them and loved them. I love them more when I am in good mood and when I admire them. I love them less when I am in bad mood and when I find flaws in them.

In January I had a ‘falling out’ period with my parents. It happened when I rang home and found myself caught in the middle of a domestic row. When mum tearfully accused dad of some wrong doings on the telephone, I could not stand any more. I told her that I was not interested in their problems and hang up the phone coldly. I was very disappointed about my parents and was deeply hurt. I did not speak to them for four weeks. During this period Chinese New Year passed and they did not receive my greetings.

I eventually forgave them. Perhaps I should say, I eventually forgave myself, as I realised that my love to them was conditional. That’s just not fair! My parents have never done anything to punish me even when I hurt them by messing up my life and doing stupid things. There have been countless times when I was not being perfect yet they still loved me. It was a shame for me to impose a condition on them in order for me to love them. Why can’t I just love, like the way my parents have always loved me, with no conditions and attachments?

We often say: If you love someone, set him free. I thought to myself: if I truly love my parents, I should accept the way they are. They have the freedom to be who they are. They don’t have to meet their children’s standards. It is not up to me to set standards for my parents. Over the years I have always appreciated the greatest asset my parents have given me - freedom to be who I want to be, then why is it so difficult for me to let them be?

I realised that, to truly love someone, we must let go of our desire to control and expectation for perfection. We must learn to accept others, as accepting others means accepting ourselves. If we impose standards on others in order to love, similarly, we should expect others to impose standards on us to give us love - is that the way you want? Is that the way you want the world to be?

Don’t hesitate for a second, just love! Love is the ultimate way to liberate ourselves and love is the ultimate way to free this world from suffering. Love, and you’ll be blessed!