There Is No Such Thing as Good or Bad

This morning while walking to work, I was reflecting on the many precious lessons that I’ve learnt in life. One particular lesson has become so valuable which has somewhat become a life philosophy to me which is: Never let a misfortune defeat you and never get carried away or boastful when good things happen; Never ever judge, cause all the events happen in life are relative and there is nothing inherently bad or good. Things change and evolve and we give the same event different meaning at different stages in life. I've learnt that if we can keep a neutral/balanced view towards anything and everything, we can keep our negative emotions and destructive behaviours at bay, and be much happier.

While pondering on this subject, two memories came to me one happened long time ago while the other occurred fairly recently. In both accounts, 'bad' things in life have turned out to be perfect at a later time.

Eleven years ago I met a guy who I fell madly in love with almost instantly. We shared many common traits and hobbies such as fitness building, outdoors and HI-FIs. Although he was kind of ‘bad boy’ type, he had a well balanced domestic side: he had great passion for cooking, which was rare to find in a bachelor if you know what I mean. It took just a few days before we developed into a physically intense and chemically soul shaking ‘perfect match’. The days and weeks when we made love all night long still feel like yesterday. Those memories are not easily wiped out and probably will never be forgotten.

About four months later I found out that I was not the ‘only one’. As you can imagine I was so devastated. My whole world collapsed. The weeks following our break-up were the darkest time in my entire life and they still are. I was in love that much and according to the law of force and counter force, I was hurt that much!

Was my loss of love really that bad? Not at all! Only three months later I met a gorgeous guy who had everything a woman wants: tall, talented, charismatic …. and above all, he has such a kind heart! This guy later became my husband. Next month we will have been happily married for ten years! He is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. If I had not broken up with the boyfriend, how could this beautiful life I am living now possible?

Another event happened in last October when I applied for a job which I had longed for as a career step-up in this company. Prior to this I had been semi-promised to get this position. For months I had been excited about it. However, I didn’t get it for reasons beyond my control. As a result I was very disappointed. But I knew at the time that it happened for a perfect reason. I trusted that it was for the best interest of me even though the outcome was against my will at the time.

Now things are slowing revealing: although that job at the time seemed perfect – the services involved in that department had been the primary focus to the company and huge budget was spent on TV campaigns. Yet in less than six months a lot of things have happened: Firstly, the company decided to promote other services as the service I was once so keen to get involved became no longer profitable; Secondly although it’s still a popular and important portfolio for the company, staff in that department seem to have lost heart somewhat - six out of a team of twelve have left including the General Manager, Senior Relationship Manager and three sales (out of four). To date none has been replaced. The whole team is now in limbo. The staff left in the team are now doing two or three people’s job.

Thinking back I was so 'fortunate' not being offered the job. It was a job requiring a lot of travel on the road visiting clients from all over Auckland or seeing clients at our different branches. Do you know how bad the traffic is in Auckland and how wide-spread the city is? Given my current circumstances (expecting a baby) it is clear that that job once I thought would be a 'perfect' would have been a nightmare of a job! I can’t help but draw back to the time when I was declined the job opportunity. The following is what I wrote in a journal on 2 November 2005:

I am a little disappointed with how things have turned out, given so much excitement, anticipation and expectation have been built up over the last few months. This dream job was that close and I could almost smell it! However, I know that I can’t control the circumstances in life and I certainly can’t control the outcome. I believe, however, that: Whatever happens, it happens perfectly! Regardless of my temporary emotions. I have no doubt that better things are ahead waiting for me. I just need to be patient!

A few weeks earlier I was offered a job in the company which will involve me in the now most profitable service which is also going strong at the moment. The job comes with stability and no travel is required, which suits me just perfect.

What in life has not turned out to be perfect?

None. I'd say!

I am so grateful!

Recently I have had a pay dispute with my employer. Although it was a ‘dispute’ it was raised and handled quite amicably. Basically when I left Wellington last year I resigned from my job in this organisation. At the same time an opportunity arose in our Auckland Operations as such I was able to negotiate a 12-month contract job with them. At the time I negotiated my contract, I got a significant pay rise on the grounds that 1) I seemed to be the perfect person to fill in a role which at the time was quite crucial 2) it was a term contract as such it usually pays more than a permanent role due to impermanence.

This happened in May and I started my new role in June. At the time the work union was in the process of a negotiation with the organisation for a pay rise. After months of negotiation, in October an agreement was finally reached and the organisation offered each permanent employee (as of 30 June 2005) a pay adjustment based on the number of years served and each individual’s pay scale.

As you can imagine, I missed out on this pay adjustments= as I had resigned as a permanent employee as of 30 June thus relinquished my entitlements as a permanent employee . However, considering I have not left the origination during this period and my contribution in my contract role made a significant difference, I somehow believed it’s worth lodging a dispute in that I, too, deserve a pay adjustment as if I were a permanent employee. After all, I had worked for the company for over six years continuously. During these years I have been treated well so when I lodged this dispute I felt very positive despite my awareness that I had no legal backup.

Five weeks passed and nothing seemed happened. I started to think that perhaps I had no case. If they told me to stop dreaming I was prepared to forget about this matter. After all, I am not a Union member and have never involved in the months-long negotiation.

However when I walked in yesterday a letter was left on my desk marked ‘confidential’. When I opened it, I was ecstatic to find out that I was offered a settlement!! As a result, I was compensated the equivalent amount of money as if I was a permanent employee!

I have always trusted my employer and have maintained a good relationship with my employer. I love my job and I enjoy the people here. That may explain why after six years I am still here now rolling into my 3rd role! In this incident, I realised again that when you send out positive energy out to the world and have nothing but faith, trust and kindness, you are mostly likely to receive the same back!

Oh I am so grateful!