There Is No Such Thing as Good or Bad

This morning while walking to work, I was reflecting on the many precious lessons that I’ve learnt in life. One particular lesson has become so valuable which has somewhat become a life philosophy to me which is: Never let a misfortune defeat you and never get carried away or boastful when good things happen; Never ever judge, cause all the events happen in life are relative and there is nothing inherently bad or good. Things change and evolve and we give the same event different meaning at different stages in life. I've learnt that if we can keep a neutral/balanced view towards anything and everything, we can keep our negative emotions and destructive behaviours at bay, and be much happier.

While pondering on this subject, two memories came to me one happened long time ago while the other occurred fairly recently. In both accounts, 'bad' things in life have turned out to be perfect at a later time.

Eleven years ago I met a guy who I fell madly in love with almost instantly. We shared many common traits and hobbies such as fitness building, outdoors and HI-FIs. Although he was kind of ‘bad boy’ type, he had a well balanced domestic side: he had great passion for cooking, which was rare to find in a bachelor if you know what I mean. It took just a few days before we developed into a physically intense and chemically soul shaking ‘perfect match’. The days and weeks when we made love all night long still feel like yesterday. Those memories are not easily wiped out and probably will never be forgotten.

About four months later I found out that I was not the ‘only one’. As you can imagine I was so devastated. My whole world collapsed. The weeks following our break-up were the darkest time in my entire life and they still are. I was in love that much and according to the law of force and counter force, I was hurt that much!

Was my loss of love really that bad? Not at all! Only three months later I met a gorgeous guy who had everything a woman wants: tall, talented, charismatic …. and above all, he has such a kind heart! This guy later became my husband. Next month we will have been happily married for ten years! He is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. If I had not broken up with the boyfriend, how could this beautiful life I am living now possible?

Another event happened in last October when I applied for a job which I had longed for as a career step-up in this company. Prior to this I had been semi-promised to get this position. For months I had been excited about it. However, I didn’t get it for reasons beyond my control. As a result I was very disappointed. But I knew at the time that it happened for a perfect reason. I trusted that it was for the best interest of me even though the outcome was against my will at the time.

Now things are slowing revealing: although that job at the time seemed perfect – the services involved in that department had been the primary focus to the company and huge budget was spent on TV campaigns. Yet in less than six months a lot of things have happened: Firstly, the company decided to promote other services as the service I was once so keen to get involved became no longer profitable; Secondly although it’s still a popular and important portfolio for the company, staff in that department seem to have lost heart somewhat - six out of a team of twelve have left including the General Manager, Senior Relationship Manager and three sales (out of four). To date none has been replaced. The whole team is now in limbo. The staff left in the team are now doing two or three people’s job.

Thinking back I was so 'fortunate' not being offered the job. It was a job requiring a lot of travel on the road visiting clients from all over Auckland or seeing clients at our different branches. Do you know how bad the traffic is in Auckland and how wide-spread the city is? Given my current circumstances (expecting a baby) it is clear that that job once I thought would be a 'perfect' would have been a nightmare of a job! I can’t help but draw back to the time when I was declined the job opportunity. The following is what I wrote in a journal on 2 November 2005:

I am a little disappointed with how things have turned out, given so much excitement, anticipation and expectation have been built up over the last few months. This dream job was that close and I could almost smell it! However, I know that I can’t control the circumstances in life and I certainly can’t control the outcome. I believe, however, that: Whatever happens, it happens perfectly! Regardless of my temporary emotions. I have no doubt that better things are ahead waiting for me. I just need to be patient!

A few weeks earlier I was offered a job in the company which will involve me in the now most profitable service which is also going strong at the moment. The job comes with stability and no travel is required, which suits me just perfect.

What in life has not turned out to be perfect?

None. I'd say!

I am so grateful!

Recently I have had a pay dispute with my employer. Although it was a ‘dispute’ it was raised and handled quite amicably. Basically when I left Wellington last year I resigned from my job in this organisation. At the same time an opportunity arose in our Auckland Operations as such I was able to negotiate a 12-month contract job with them. At the time I negotiated my contract, I got a significant pay rise on the grounds that 1) I seemed to be the perfect person to fill in a role which at the time was quite crucial 2) it was a term contract as such it usually pays more than a permanent role due to impermanence.

This happened in May and I started my new role in June. At the time the work union was in the process of a negotiation with the organisation for a pay rise. After months of negotiation, in October an agreement was finally reached and the organisation offered each permanent employee (as of 30 June 2005) a pay adjustment based on the number of years served and each individual’s pay scale.

As you can imagine, I missed out on this pay adjustments= as I had resigned as a permanent employee as of 30 June thus relinquished my entitlements as a permanent employee . However, considering I have not left the origination during this period and my contribution in my contract role made a significant difference, I somehow believed it’s worth lodging a dispute in that I, too, deserve a pay adjustment as if I were a permanent employee. After all, I had worked for the company for over six years continuously. During these years I have been treated well so when I lodged this dispute I felt very positive despite my awareness that I had no legal backup.

Five weeks passed and nothing seemed happened. I started to think that perhaps I had no case. If they told me to stop dreaming I was prepared to forget about this matter. After all, I am not a Union member and have never involved in the months-long negotiation.

However when I walked in yesterday a letter was left on my desk marked ‘confidential’. When I opened it, I was ecstatic to find out that I was offered a settlement!! As a result, I was compensated the equivalent amount of money as if I was a permanent employee!

I have always trusted my employer and have maintained a good relationship with my employer. I love my job and I enjoy the people here. That may explain why after six years I am still here now rolling into my 3rd role! In this incident, I realised again that when you send out positive energy out to the world and have nothing but faith, trust and kindness, you are mostly likely to receive the same back!

Oh I am so grateful!

What Is There In Life?

Recently hubby and I visited his eighty-eight year old grandmother at her rest home. She was physically frail yet mentally alert. We were worried if she could live up to see the birth of her great grandchild. She said to us: ‘Don’t worry! I’ll be there!’ Nana has always been a spiritual person and I have no doubt that her soul will be with us even after she is not physically here.

I promised my nephew when he was about five years old that I would buy him a computer. He had since been looking forward to the day when he got his first computer. Two years ago I bought him a computer as promised as I felt he was old and mature enough (eleven years old) to use it to his advantage. However, the report from my parents is that ever since he had the computer he's stopped visiting them (although my parents live just five minutes walk away) and his school work plummeted. Like many children, he's become addicted to computer games and lost intereset in a lot of other things. He's also grown into a 'fat kid'. From my parents's tone I felt that the computer has become an 'evil' and done a lot of damage to him and his aunty is the person caused it as if I should feel guilty. Do I? I thought about the issue and I know that with proper guidance a computer is a very necessary educational tool for a child these days, especially for a teenager. Whilst my parents and my brother may blame the computer that hindered my nephew's development, I know that a computer in itself is not a good or bad thing for a child. It's the lack of parental guidance and control that has made the computer a 'disaster' to my nephew. But they can't see it that way. As a result I donn’t regret buying this present for him nor do I feel guilty. Besides, who knows he won’t grow up into a normal adult or become a computer genius one day?

Recently, hubby quit his broking business. At the same time he came very close to a job which offered a six figure salary and frequent international travel in a niche financial market. Two weeks later he went ahead and chose to retire (perhaps not permanently but at least for a while) after much consideration and soul searching. There were a lot of tempting things in life that become difficult to resist but he felt his ‘inner calling’ which is to go independent and not working for others. With a baby on the way and more financial demands, it is not unusual for most couples to seek security and stability at this time. Together we've chosen this path as we both believe that although security is important, more important in this short life is to fulfil your dreams and to explore your inner self.

Why did I mention the three events which seemingly have nothing to do with each other? That’s exactly the point. In our daily life many things happen. On the surface they seem to be random occurences, yet they often trigger our emotions, prompt us to think or to make decisions which in turn lead to changes later on. They often become one of the many pieces of jigsaws in life that make us happy or unhappy, fortunate or unfortunate, successful or unsuccessful. What I want to say is: underneath these random occurrences, there lies a grand plan and the plan serves great purposes. There is nothing absolutely positive or negative yet every occurence is a learning opportunity for us. Therefore there is no need to fight, resist, judge or worry. Life is more than what we see, think or experience.

At some point in life, we start to ponder the meaning and purpose of life. We start to ask what else is there in life besides earning a living, looking for a partner, having sex, paying the bills and raising children. We start to wonder if there is any co-relationship between things at all, such as the above three recent occurences to me. For me the answer is obviously yes, as long as you believe reincarnation and the Law of Karma.

Once we begin to accept reincarnation and the Law of Karma, we become more honest, humble, humane, empathetic, loving, peaceful, intuitive and balanced. To achieve this I believe having a personal mission statement to clarify on how I treat myself, my family, other people and how I view this world is a very necessary step. Here is my statement (sorry it’s a bit long):

I am no longer afraid of death, since I know that I have almost definitely lived before and am likely to reincarnate on earth again after an in-between life in a less dense reality.

When someone close to me dies it is natural to be sad. But my sadness is much reduced knowing that he (or she) has not died but continues to live on another plane of existence. I know that he is likely to be with me often, even if I cannot see him. I also know that it was right for him to die at that time according to his fate, which was decided by a higher consciousness. I also know that I will see this person again after my death and/or in a following life on earth. Goodbyes for ever do not exist.

I am tolerant towards all people as long as they do not restrict my freedom and that of others. I tolerate any form of religious practices and other people’s opinions as long as they gives others the same right to express themselves freely. By continually developing from one life to the next, we humans broaden our awareness. I am never arrogant in my response towards other people’s way of thinking. I may have been that way in a previous life, and for that reason I never push my convictions onto others. Every human being reaches his time for broadening his consciousness when it is right for him. Besides, it is clear to me that it is most likely that I will often change, ie, broaden my outlook in my future lives.

I will never discriminate against other people no matter who they might be. I know that it is futile for me to discriminate against someone of the opposite sex since I most likely belonged to that sex at some time myself. I will not condemn someone with a different skin color or of a different nationality or race, since I could easily have been of this color or race at some point in time, or possibly will be in the future. If I discriminate against someone on the grounds of his affiliation I will then have to experience being part of that nation, ethnic group or race in order to broaden my understanding and love for them. I will never look down on other people because they are poor, disabled, unattractive or in some way different, since every person has chosen precisely their circumstances, looks, and their particular disposition in order to learn from it.

I will never envy others, be they richer, more powerful or more respected, cleverer, healthier or physically more beautiful, since they created this learning situation for themselves in their life. They can use these means at their disposal to learn whatever they can in order to grow spiritually. I could possibly have had the same means at my disposal in a previous life or will have in a future incarnation. It seems necessary for us to experience all learning possibilities in order to evolve spiritually.

If I have a child I will give him the chance to develop his talents as long as they are not destructive. I will not force my will on him or attempt to break his, since I know that this child’s past lives have played a major part in forming his present life. He will want to live out his learning programme in his life, which may be completely different to my own. This is why I will respect his individuality. Apart from all this I know that he has been an adult in a past life, possibly even one of my deceased relatives or friends. I would watch carefully whether he mentions anything about past lives. I will not forbid him these expressions or dismiss them as crazy talk. Perhaps this child has been my partner, mother, father or friend in a past life. I also know that it is possible that I could be reborn to my present child in a future life.

I know that I did not choose my partner by accident. I already knew her or him from an earlier life. We decided during our life after death to return to earth to continue learning from each other. Each partnership is a learning situation in the school of life. I wish to make the most of all situations from which I can learn something.

I am able to accept my parents just as they are, since I freely chose them before my birth. They provided me with precisely those conditions that I need to accomplish my specific tasks in this life.

I see people, events and tragic blows which come my way as important pointers, which enable me to learn exactly that which is of importance to me. I allow no envy to develop in me towards others, since they most likely have very different issues to deal with and different means at their disposal for dealing with them. This is why I calmly face my specific life conditions seeing them more as learning opportunities than anything else. I do not complain about them but ask myself what it is I could learn from each situation.

The earth is a school of learning. With each incarnation we learn to be more understanding, more tolerant and above all more loving. If after many incarnation we have become totally loving, then we are free to leave this earthly school having passed our examinations. We will then be allowed to move on to higher universities, where we are taught greater wisdom and deeper love.

I know that whenever I violate love I myself will one day be the one who is treated unlovingly. It is only through this that I learn to be more loving with my thoughts, words and deeds. Everything I do to hurt others will one day hurt me. The Law of Karma that govern this learning process are always just. Unfairness does not exist for me. This is why I don’t put blame onto other people or situations; instead I ask myself what it is I need to learn from a situation in order to balance things out from an earlier life. Nothing happens by chance.

I know that everything in life has a purpose. Nothing is senseless. Everything that comes my way has some kind of meaning for me. This is why I will endeavour to find purpose behind everything that happens to me.

I know that it is entirely down to me how quickly I evolve spiritually. I myself am responsible for whatever happens to me, since all these things are born our of the thoughts I held, words I spoke or deeds I acted out if my past lives. In order to live another life on earth in joy and love I will use my present life to give others much joy and love. I alone am the architect of my fortune. I can hold no one else responsible since I am, was and will be responsible for everything that happens to me whatever that may be.

I see life as a gift, in which each life on earth is an opportunity to develop myself more and more in love and understanding. It pleases me to help others in their development and to allow them to help me on my journey. Therefore I am grateful for each day I am given to learn and discover more about love. I am grateful to be given the chance to turn my consciousness more and more towards the laws of life and God’s love.

An interesting dream

I woke up this morning with this dream:

My baby is born.

When I wake up, I hear someone say: it’s a boy! He weights 6.5 pounds!

“What a perfect weight!” I hear my mom says somewhere in the room.

I have a look at my baby. He is such a beautiful little thing! He has thick black hair and full teeth. I am surprised however, that he is dark skinned – Indianish kind of dark. I wonder where he got that colour from as I am Asian and hubby is white.

I try to remember what has happened during the labour. Unfortunately I can’t remember a thing. Apparently I’ve just had a caesarean birth. The whole thing just seems weird. No labour, no pain, no drama, no ordeal. I can’t even remember how I went to the hospital in the first place and what happened prior to the caesarean. As a matter of fact, I feel cheated. It’s like my memory on the whole birthing experience which is a holy and glorious experience to a mother is totally wiped out as if it has never happened. Instinctively I raise my upper body and want to know what happened on my tummy. To my great surprise, I can hardly see any scar! The cut was at the low end and on top of a scar I had from a surgery 17 months ago but was done in a way that it is almost unnoticeable. Mostly amazingly, my old scar seems to have vanished. Although I don’t understand, I am rather pleased with how the operation was done.

The next scene is at the beach. It is still the same day but my baby somehow looks like a two year old. He loves the beach too much and enjoys playing on the hot sand. I am a little worried about my new born baby and feel that we shouldn’t expose him in the hot sun for so long. Nevertheless we let him play for hours since he wouldn’t let us take him away from the beach.

I woke up the next morning with a sudden panic. “Oh my ….” I screamed. I realise that I haven’t fed my baby yet since he was born yesterday! “Where is my baby?” I become hysterical. I am soon relieved as my mom walks in the room and hands him over to me! I sit up in my bed and try to position him in a way so that I can breast feed him. I put him to my left nipple to encourage him to suck. I am quite anxious as I am not sure if I have any milk at all let alone if he would connect to it.

I feel hopeless for a minute. Despite his hard effort nothing seems to come out. But after a few seconds I start to feel the milk coming. But my baby spills his first taste of milk out as if he is protesting. “He doesn’t like my milk!” I feel so rejected and disappointed. But I am soon relieved and happy again as he continues to suck my nipples this time he is really enjoying the taste of it. I feel wonderful that my baby and I have established our first bonding so soon and so easy.

Funny that I had two baby dreams late last year. This is the first baby dream I've had since I fell pregnant. All three dreams the baby is a boy. It's not like I take preference to boys. I actually have always thought that baby girls are cute and daughters always have a good connection with their parents. It'll be interesting to see what I'll have!

The Best Time in a Woman's Life

When one of my friends said to me a few years ago that she loved being pregnant, I did not understand. To me pregnancy has to be uncomfortable, inconvenient and outright unattractive. How can one enjoy being pregnant?

Now 21 weeks into my pregnancy, I finally understand what she meant. Since entering the 2nd trimester, all of sudden, I started to feel great in all ways – physically, emotionally and spiritually. As a matter of fact, I’ve never enjoyed life to a full extent like now. This is definitely the best time in a woman’s life.

I’ve long been used to my bump now, unlike when it first started to show and I somewhat felt a little embarrassed. A couple of weeks ago, I started to feel heaps of baby movements which is such an amazing feeling! My baby feels more and more real each day which enables me to have endless imagination and plans about this baby I am having. My mind always seems to be so occupied that I haven’t had much time to update this blog!

I remember a few years back I used to frequently visit a Chinese doctor mostly for my back problem. He used to say to me that I would feel greater than ever once I am pregnant. He is so true and I know why now. Pregnancy readjusts a woman’s hormone level and brings an optimal balance that the body could possible have as such your mood is great, your emotion is stable and to throw some juicy bit… the intimate time with hubby has never, ever been so incredibly pleasurable. Pregnancy is undoubtedly the sexiest time of a woman’s life!

We have just spent the Easter holiday at the beach with hubby’s family and relations. I was pleased that everyone was so enthusiastic about our baby. One relative even started knitting for our baby (what a shame I haven’t done any shopping yet!). And another relative suggested that hubby and I have a proper Kiwi wedding after the baby is born (we got married in China and did not have a proper wedding albeit we did celebrate with my family) as it seems time has come for a celebration. This is certainly a good idea for us to consider as we will have been married for 10 years in a couple of months time and it will indeed be a milestone and worth a proper celebration having our first baby after 10 years marriage.

We are heading off for a holiday next week. This holiday will be a very special one as it will be our last holiday-of-us-two for a while, marking the end of an era and the beginning of a new chapter. Oh I am so looking forward to it!

Life is good! I’ve never felt so contented about life and filled with so much love, peace and meaning in my life like now. I know family is going to be my number one priority in life from now on. Family... I have finally come to terms with it and I've just turned 35!

On a final note... just when I thought I was going to say good bye to my employer of six years when my current 12-month contract expires in June, I was offered a brand new permanent role with increased pay as I am 'too previous to lose'. How can I possibly resist? I just have more choices now as to when to, or if at all I wish to return to the workforce.

Life can't treat me any better! Can't compain!