Live Your Dream

You know how sometimes you dream your dreams and talk about your dreams? Well, what I want to say is, without putting wings to our dreams, dreams will forever remain dreams.

I am living in my dream right now. My brand new life started a month ago when my husband and I made the decision to move to Auckland to pursue our dreams. 'What does it feel like to live in your dreams?' You may ask.

You feel high. Every day and every moment you feel like a propeller – you keep going and you don’t even feel tired. You never run out of energy and enthusiasm. You are passionate with every moment of your life. You love everyone. The best part of all, you have new dreams – dreams you know will become reality one day.

The move has certainly been proven worthwhile. Everything has worked out so well which we can’t be thankful enough. Firstly, we found our place in a couple of hours instead of couple of days or weeks. My work is just 15 minutes walk away and hubby’s train trip to his work takes only a few minutes. We don’t have the problems most Aucklanders do – commuting in congested traffic. Secondly, we both love our new jobs. Hubby’s dream career is injecting him with endless energy and ideas and he has found more business opportunities since we arrived here. As to my work, my knowledge and expertise in my new role has been well received and acknowledged. We are very fortunate that we have both found a niche which we fit in so well.

Not only it's a place of more opportunities, it's a place of more choices. There is a good variety of everything which gives you more options in life. Chinese food is very authentic and very much home-like. There are ample books on business subjects in the local library as well as Chinese books. Note this is great bonus for me from a Chinese perspective. The last time I read a Chinese book was about five years ago! I also get to refresh my Cantonese again as there is a Cantonese radio station. As Cantonese is my second language and I’ve hardly had any chance to use it in the last nine years, I am just about to lose it completely. Also with me gradually adopting more Kiwi traits and losing in touch with my original culture, being in Auckland gives me the opportunity to get in touch with my originality again! I've also noted that there is a mulch wider range of evening courses available than in Wellington. I am never going to run out of things to do in my spare time!

While Auckland may not be a long term place for us, we are certainly going to have a very good time while we are here. The warmer climate here enables us to take up a few old hobbies such as surfing and kayaking which were put off due to the cold weather in Wellington.

What more do I want from life? I don’t know. At the moment I am working towards being a qualified financial advisor. As to hubby, he is working towards being a successful financier. Nine years ago when I worked as a Marketing Assistant and he was running a game equipment business we couldn’t possibly imagine that our dreams in career and other aspects in life could merge so well and so close. Last night we were both watching the TV programme called 'Get Away' which featured some tropical islands in Australia, we had a quick exchange of memories of our tropical holidays in China, Thailand, Australia and New Zealand. You know what? An agreement was reached as to where our next tropical holiday would be!

It’s a dream life! Yet I know my dream will continue and better things will come when it’s due.

(I feel like writing this journal as it's been a full month since we moved here.)

Find Time To Be With Yourself

Do you often feel after a day at work that your brain is so full that you feel tired, dull and stressed? On your way home is your brain still packed with clients you have dealt with, business letters you have written, conversations you have had and problems you have faced during the day?

I believe most of us are familiar with this feeling. Modern life is very demanding. We are always busy, both at work and in private life. Our brain flits from one thing to another rapidly in every waking moment (and during sleep also). It can be difficult to find a spare moment in our hectic life, to slow down the brain and have a moment that belongs to ourselves purely.

I learnt how to find moments to myself on any day from an experience I had in Bangkok three years ago.

My husband and I were having a holiday there. We hired a tuk tuk to take us to the famous Chao Phraya River for a river cruise. We did not know how far the Chao Phraya River was and how long it would take. We did not care anyway, as we had plenty of time. After a quick bargaining on the price, we got on the tuk tuk.

The driver was a forty something local man. Like most Thai, he did not speak very good English but apparently he had no problem with the basic tourist English. While we were quite enjoying our exotic street tour on the tuk tuk, the driver stopped. We had a look around. It was nowhere near the river. As a matter of fact, we found ourselves in a residential area.

‘Can you wait here for five minutes?’ He asked. ‘I need to do some praying. I’ll be right back. Stay here. Don’t move.’

My husband and I looked at each other, stunned and confused. ‘What’s his game?’ we wondered. We were in a strange place where we were left alone. What the hell was going on?

Although we had some suspicion, we waited. There was not much we could do anyway.

In five minutes the driver duly returned, and thanked us for waiting. We carried on with the rest of the trip to the river.

What have I learnt from this tuk tuk trip?

I learnt something from the driver, which is: we should always find some time to be with ourselves, even at work. A driver’s day can be hectic and non-stop in a busy and noisy city like Bangkok. But it was important to him to find some quiet and peaceful moments to be with himself (or to be with his God). The five minutes praying perhaps goes a long way for the rest of the day. As it turned out, we didn’t mind waiting that five minutes at all. People who are in a desperate rush are unlikely to choose tuk tuk as the desirable transportation anyway.

For many of us, a working day is no easier than the life of a tuk tuk driver. Most people find the period after lunch or in mid-afternoon are hard to concentrate, for example. To remain focused, we actually need to ‘empty’ our mind every now and then, to give it a breathing space. Meditation can help to focus our mind and to empty it. It doesn’t have to be long session. I find five minutes meditation at work is very beneficial. I try to do it at least twice a day. Lack of space? I go to the handicapped toilet which is private and usually unused. Difficult to find that extra five minutes? I doubt it. Have you noticed that smokers never fail to find that five minutes every now and then through out the day for a cigarette? If smokers can afford that five minutes, so can you!

To dedicate time to be with ourselves can make us feel centred and being in control. A lot of creativity and inspiration arises from time alone with ourselves. Life can be a rat race. However, if we don’t contemplate and align our 'busy-ness' with our value and purpose, you may end up asking yourself: ‘what is the point?’

Coincidence

On Sunday my husband and I did some shopping in town. I was looking for some lipsticks. Since I seldom involve him in my shopping, he showed great interest as to what colour I should choose. He asked me to try several colours which he thought would look good on me. In the end I bought one with the colour “raspberry’ recommended by him. If he was not with me, I wouldn’t have tried it and wouldn’t have known that it was actually a very vibrant colour. The colour for this particular brand of lipstick had a range from 100 to 900 you can appreciate how confusing a consumer can be these days in shopping. Anyway, the colour was 231.

When I was on my way to work yesterday (Tuesday), I noticed a road sign. The size of it was comparable to the size of a 32 inch TV screen. It was a street number sign, and says 231 in bright blue on a green board. It instantly reminded me of my lipstick colour I bought on Sunday.

This is interesting! I had walked on the same road every day for the last four weeks and I swear to God that I had never noticed this road sign! The moment I bought my lipstick, I began to notice this road sign as they are the same number. How strange.

However, I was not easily convinced. It could be that the road sign was put up during the weekend. So this morning when I walked past that sign again, I took a special ‘inspection’ to see if it looks like a brand new sign. Unfortunately, by all counts it is a very old sign. The sign board stands on a pole which is rusty. The sign board certainly doesn’t have the new clean look. In fact, there is an old dent on the top of the board. After my inspection, I came to the disappointing conclusion that the sign must’ve been there for years. I just hadn’t noticed until yesterday.

I wonder if that number has any meaning to me at all.

Women's Underwear

I read a book yesterday titled “you make it happen”. It’s a Chinese book. In this book, there was some interesting revelation about women’s underwear.

It’s a book written by a father to his teenage daughter. The author is a University Professor, a writer, an artist and an ambassador in cultural exchanges between America and China. His daughter was once granted an award from President Bush and his son held a Doctor’s degree from Harvard University. We are talking about a very successful Chinese family living in New York.

In one of his ‘teachings’ to his daughter on how to overcome her various bad habits, he commented on her habit of leaving her underwear on the bathroom floor.

He pointed out that a woman’s underwear is a very private thing. As such she should never leave her underwear on the floor or any ‘public’ places. Instead, she should hand wash her underwear in the shower. He further clarified that this was about a woman’s self-respect and self-grace.

I was amused, to say the least! You see, I am Chinese. However, I have never picked up on this piece of Chinese tradition. I always wash my underwear in the washing machine together with other clothes (which means it could be mixed with my husband’s). Now since he pointed out, I remembered that my mother always gave her underwear ‘special treatment’. She always seemed to hand wash her underwear separately, usually in the shower. And the same with my sister! Although I did notice the special thing about underwear, somehow I just didn’t follow. How come I was left out of this ‘teaching’? I don’t know. Was it because it was too subtle a subject that I was supposed to pick it up naturally? Or, was it because I dismissed this ‘teaching’ rebelliously as it didn’t make any sense to me? Well, I might check that one out when I talk to my mother on the phone next time!

It seems that this underwear thing is not just a Chinese tradition. At least two kiwi people have told me that they felt very strange when they happened to discover that their Japanese homestay (girl) students wash their underwear separately and dry them in the wardrobe! At the time I just thought those Japanese girls were strange indeed.

Well, I am glad that I’ve learnt something ‘new’ about my culture. I am also glad that I have never adopted that part of my culture, as it still doesn’t make sense to me.

Your Time Is Your Life

We frequently hear people say: ‘I wish to lose 20 pounds/write a book/send an email to my old friend/take a dancing class/do mediation daily…but I haven’t got the time for it’, the following story will make you realise that time , is never the issue!

Put the big rocks in first

One day an expert on the subject of time management was speaking to a group of business students and to drive home a point used an illustration those students will never forget. As this man stood at the front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, ‘Okay, time for a quiz.’

Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them into the jar, one at a time. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, ‘is this jar full?’

Everone in the class said, ‘Yes.’ Then he said, ‘Really?’ he reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar, causing pieces of gravel to work down into the spaces between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, ‘Is the jar full?’

By this time the class was onto him. ‘Probably not,’ one of them answered.

‘Good!’ he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and gravel. Once more he asked the question, ‘Is this jar full?’

‘No!’ the class shouted.

Once again he said, ‘Good!’ Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, ‘What is the point of this illustration?’

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, ‘The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!’

‘No,’ the speaker replied, “that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: ‘if you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.’

- quoted in Stephen Covey ‘First Things First’

The thing is, time is very generous and fair to everyone. We all have 24 hours a week and seven days a week. We can only spend time once. We cannot save it for future use. Nobody is given more time than others. Time is never the issue which stops you from losing that 20 pounds, writing that book, sending that email to your old friend, taking that dancing class, or practising meditation. Admit it! Admit that the fact that you haven’t taken a dancing class or taken up daily exercises is because these things are not that important to you. You have not considered them as the ’big rocks’ in your life, therefore not worth putting into the jar of your life in the first place.

If you want to find time to do the things you want to do in life, the first thing therefore is to establish what’s important for you and what’s not. Once you’ve sorted out the list of priority, I am sure you would not complain that you can’t find time to do the things you want to do and to pursue the dreams you have. Look at Stephen Covey himself for a moment, he has ten children, right? No doubt family would have taken a significant amount of time in his life. Yet he is not just an ordinary family man. He has become a world wide powerful coach on how to lead effective personal, business and corporate lives.

Your time is your life. Make good use of it!

Studies

As I opened my exam slip in the envelop, I smiled. I achieved an A result, again.

I got exactly what I had wanted.

It didn’t used to bother me what result I get as long I get a pass, as my CV would only show what I have achieved but wouldn’t care to what extent I have achieved. Based on this attitude, I didn’t used to get As often. After all I never considered myself as an academic type. My desire to be a top student has long gone since I left high school. I used to think that furthering myself through studies is essential for me to advance in career.

Well, while my direction in life remains mostly unchanged, my attitude certainly has. I do not view studying as a burden any more or something that just benefits my career. I have become to enjoy doing it. Studying is not something I do for my career’s sake any more. It’s purely for me. I view it as an opportunity to bring out my potential - the best in me. You see, if I can be better, why settle for less? If I have the potential to be an A student, why limit myself to be a mediocre student? After all I’ve learnt that it doesn’t necessarily take extra time or effort to achieve an extraordinary result; most likely, all required is some extra focus. In other words, all required is a shift of belief. I’ve learnt that a focused mind can lead to outstanding results. I’ve tested it at work, in my marriage, my writing and my studying. You become more effective and productive without having to compromise the fun and leisure time. You still do all the things you want to do in life. The only difference is that whatever you do, you give it a 100% shot instead of a half hearted shot. The net result? There is more enjoyment in everything you do as you are always high on life.

Studying definitely makes me a better person. I’m loving it!

Spontaneity

I was lying on the couch, watching the evening news, feeling quite relaxed. It’s nice to be a lazy couch potato for a moment after a fast paced day at work.

I heard the footsteps on the stairs outside. I got up, opened the door and greeted hubby. He gave me a nice warm hug before he got changed and joined me in the couch watching tele. He kissed me and I kissed back. We snuggled together in the couch enjoying our warmth and flesh together. It was good to have a moment together like this before I started making dinner.

This morning when I woke up at 5.30am I somehow didn’t want to get up. I lingered in bed and reached out for him - one of those moments you just wake up and feel like doing something. Naturally we started to play….

Afterwards, hubby mentioned that that he thought we were going to make love last night.

“You thought we were going to make love? You mean, when we were watching tele in the couch?”

“Apparently so.” He said. “I thought we were cuddling, kissing…. and all that sort of thing.”

“I didn’t know the cuddling should lead to something else.” I burst into laughter. “All I was thinking was what to make for dinner after the news finishes! I didn’t realise you were wanting something!’

“I just wanted us to be spontaneous.” I found that he looked very cute.

What a good point! It reminded me that we all wish our other half to be spontaneous – to share common thoughts and ideas, to read each other’s minds and to have the same wavelength in everything. Yes, spontaneity feels good. Spontaneity means deep understanding and passionate love. Spontaneity means the merge of body, mind and soul of two people.

Spontaneity is indeed the most desirable state to be in. But is it realistic though?

“Would you put your thoughts in words next time dear if I am not on?’ I grinned. “Ask, you shall receive!” I teased him and he laughed.

Had I known what was exactly in his mind, he might have just got it. I could have easily aligned myself into the kind of mood which could set us in motion.

We’ve been together for quite a few years now. We’ve had many spontaneous moments in life where we shared common activities and interests in life. For example, we were both experts at arranging holidays at the last minute even it involves international travel. Naturally and healthily, there were moments when we were in different moods and wavelength. We certainly have our little fights and discords every now and then. But one thing I find very essential and powerful in deepening our bond and intimacy is the power of effective communication, no matter how small the matter is. I know that some couples would rather suppress their disappointment, resentment or anger for the sake of avoiding an argument or an embarrassing topic to maintain peace or civilisation. Also there seem to be plenty of people who simply don’t know how to open up their full emotions (It's easy to express one's anger, happiness and sadness. But is it easy to express your resentment, disappointment, shame, embarassement and guilt?) In order to get by, they just avoid certain subjects that are ‘touchy’ or ‘sensitive’ to them. While it might be a necessary life skill or tact at a social level, it can be detrimental to a relationship if we feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to express in words our needs and wants. After all, the reward of being in a relationship is largely about having our needs and wants met, otherwise the unfulfillment is going to eat you up inside. Should it be surprising that most couples who go for counselling discover for the first time that they really don’t know how to talk to their partners about what they want without yelling at each other?

Communication, communication and communication! A perfect, wonderful, spontaneous, intimate and enduring relationship is always based on good communication. Communication is a never-ending practice!

I have probably gone too far from the tiny, harmless comment from hubby. However, I am glad that I assured him that not only he is entitled to what he wants; most importantly, let me know first please!

Ageless Love

Have you ever seen a fragile elderly couple walk together hand in hand, or look after each other in public in a very affectionate manner? What effect does it have on you when that scene occurs in front of you?

If you are a Venusian like myself, you would probably feel heartened, touched and sweetened. You would probably feel a little envious and compare yourself to that couple and wonder if you and your partner would ever last that long and if you would ever be that lovey dovey at that age.

Ponder this: what’s the difference between the love you see from an elderly couple and a young couple? And why does the scene of an affectionate elderly couple linger in your memory and touch your soul while the scene of a pair of young love birds hardly ticks in your mind?

We all know the answer, don’t we? Because love is like wine. It gets better with time. True love is a connection with another soul. It doesn’t matter if your physical youthfulness is lost as every living being on this planet cannot preserve their physical youthfulness forever. Yet love can stay and continue. Time, gives a relationship plenty of room and scope for growth and improvement, like it does to life. That’s why marriages that have lasted for decades seem to be the happiest and most fulfilled ones around. That also explains why when we see love demonstrated from an affectionate elderly couple, we are instantly drawn and infiltrated by their lovewave. Love is more than skin deep. Like the brewing of wine, a perfect relationship takes years and years of practising, nurturing and enhancement . Good things take time.

I received a flattering statement this morning in bed when hubby whispered in my ear that he is happy and that our marriage is perfect, followed by a lengthy ‘analysis’ as to how our marriage has enriched his life and how much we have accomplished together. Here is a reason why I am loving a shared life with someone so much - our relationship is forever changing and evolving. I remember in our early days we tended to do things together more rather than being reflective and exchange our deepest feeling, emotions and thoughts; whereas now we still do things together, we have become more vocal and expressive. We take the time to appreciate each other in both gestures and in words. We are not afraid of being liberal or philosophical. We are more giving, honest and at home in each other’s company. We like ourselves more. We started with love and lust based mostly on physical attraction and now we have gradually merged into one where we can sometimes read each other’s thoughts and connect to each other at a soul level. Although we’ve only been together for nine years and we are technically not 'old', I realise that growing old together with someone is such a wonderful thing. I am not afraid of growing old and become a fragile elderly lady. On the contrary, I look forward to it. I am absolutely sure that the best part is yet to come.

In today's world, aging seems to be a common fear. Many people are desperately trying various things to preserve their youth. While I am certainly not anti the thousands of modern methods available which can make people look younger and feel better and delay the aging process; I do believe, however, that we should be clear of what is preservable and what is not. We can certainly look younger and better, but all the good feelings in the world resulting from purely physical cannot compare to the feelings resulting from self love and love of others.

Love, only love, is ageless.

Defining Moments

Hubby tried to have a ‘negotiation’ with me last night.

“Can we change the radio to go off at 6am instead of 5:30am tomorrow?”

“Nope”. I said adamantly. “I can’t! I am too excited to stay in bed in the morning…anyway, I got this habit from you. I can’t change it back. I am enjoying it too much now!”

I inherited this habit from him when he decided to get up at 5:30 am so he could go to the gym in the morning. As you know, once one wakes up, the other can’t be unaffected. That’s why we both got up at the same time. He went to the gym and I went for my run followed by a pilates session.

Now things are slightly different for us. We are living in a different city and having different jobs. He hasn’t found a gym that’s nearby yet. While my working hours are the same as before, he starts at 9:30am and finishes late. As a result, he doesn’t seem to have a need to get up that early any more.

While he can still choose to get up early or sleep in, I certainly do not intend to change my routine in the morning. I simply can’t stay a minute more when the radio goes off. Sometimes I wake up before the radio goes off. That’s because my body clock has adjusted to it and knows naturally what should happen.

To me, there are so many benefits from an early start in the morning. The workout in the morning reenergizes me tremendously and defines the rest of the day undoubtedly. Confidence, strength, self-appreciation, discipline and most importantly, feeling good resulting from my morning workout carry out throughout the day. The benefit is very noticeable - I am alert, positive, productive, energetic and relaxed when I’ve done my morning workouts. To me, the moment when I defeat my resistance to leave the warm bed is a defining moment. Once I win this combat, the momentum carries on and I know I can win whatever combat that may come along during the day. That’s because if you have won a small battle, you will have built up confidence towards bigger battles.

I don’t believe that successful people are necessarily all brainy people or have extra luck than the rest. I believe instead, that successful people may simply have more defining moments in life which lead them to a higher horizon all the time. For example, moments to ponder and seek a solution when others complain; moments to take the challenge when others give up; moments to meditate when others watch TV sitcom and gossip; moments to say “no” to the unhealthy temptations when others throw themselves in; moments to be their own judges when other people worry about how others judge them; and moments to action when others talk aloud.

Life is full of defining moments. Don’t let moments of instinctive tendencies define you; rather, define what you can do about them.

The Telling Of Your Autobiography

I am sure everyone has an autobiography to tell. I am sure that everyone believes that his/her autobiography is very exciting. Why am I saying that? Think about all the experiences you’ve had where you were in a group or with a friend, and think about how most of time people are too busy talking about themselves to notice that you are bored?

It happens all the time with me. Most of the time those who keep talking about themselves are actually boring. Boring people have a small world. Their world is all about themselves. They either don't notice other people's world or don't have interest in other people's world. I notice that people who are obsessed with telling their autobiography are often young people. It’s not difficult to understand why - generally older people are comfortable and secure with themselves. Older people have a bigger world. They don’t need to grab attention from others. Whereas many young people are still dealing with their insecurity issue (whether they are aware of it or not), a manifestation of which is self obsession and attention grabbing. These people are most likely to tell their autobiography whenever they are engaged in a conversation.

Yesterday hubby and I went to town to do some shopping. In the men’s shop I ran into one of my colleagues. Both him and hubby bought a business suit and we had a bit of chat. He was kind enough to ask if we would like to have a coffee together as Starbucks is just across the street. Naturally we happily agreed.

It seems there are common things between us as he also came from Wellington. He moved to our Auckland office from Wellington office a couple of years ago due to family reasons. He is doing well and is now an Area Manager. I had wanted to catch up with him on his life, family and some work issues. However, since hubby and I are new in town and have just had an exciting episode behind us due to the recent change of place and life direction, we got carried away by being the dominant talkers and elaborated on why and how we came to Auckland. Time past quickly and before we knew it, we had to leave as both of us were running out of car parking time. We beat a hasty retreat and said good-bye to each other. It was at this point did I realise that this short meeting with my colleague was very unfulfilling - while we dumped all our stories to him, we barely asked him about his stories! We too made a mistake of being too busy telling our auto-biography without noticing what he wanted out of this meeting! We behaved in a manner as if we were young kids desperately wanting our parents listen to us and understand us without being the least interested in what our parents’ concerns are! I realise that what we did was very immature and inconsiderate. Of course, we would avoid it from happening again.

While it is our birth-right to feel excited about our own autobiography, we should never forget to demonstrate our empathy towards others and show some genuine interest in their stories and concerns. Although this is basic in our dealings with people on a daily basis, it is amazing how we often forget that other people too have their exciting stories which they wish to share. Without empathy, we can’t build good rapport and fulfilling relationships. Empathy allows us to connect with our fellow human being mind to mind, heart to heart and soul to soul. Always be aware of the situation when telling your auto-biography. Don’t over do it as it’s likely to drive a potential friend, peer or customer away. Instead, give people an opportunity to tell their autobiography, and you are on your way to win their trust!

Beginning

Thanks to the technology these days, everything is made easy. It is no longer a requirement that you need to be a computer wizard to have a presence on the Internet. Even a lay person like me can start a blog. What an age we have come to!

Welcome to "passion and the city"! I endeavor to write my thoughts, life stories and insights that hopefully will be of interest and inspiration to you. Thanks for sharing this journey with me and feel free to comment and share your widsom on this blog. Your participation is much appreciated and valued.